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Relationship: a Safe Heaven or Ground for Exploration?

In relationships, we have two opposing thoughts: possession and exploration . The feeling of possession is based on the meaning we assign to the relationship, based on our past experiences. On the other hand, exploration is entirely in the domain of the unknown. For example, since childhood, we have been told about marriage . We see so many couples living together. We develop a meaning of marriage. We may feel that marriage is all about living together, taking care of each other, helping each other when we fall sick, going to social functions together, having meals together with a chat, travelling together, and so on. Our minds are " meaning-making machines ", and we make such meaning of marriage. If we have a very strong view of marriage, based on our past experiences, we will become possessive of it. Any deviation from that meaning would be painful. On the other hand, when we marry, we want to explore each other and also to explore together. This exploration will be comple...
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Living inside a "Safe Haven"

Children are very inquisitive and quite open. However, their openness soon disappears because they are made to feel safe within the four corners of the beliefs held by their society's members. They should not enquire about the meaning of life and death, and should accept whatever their society generally believes. Most children also choose safety and security over enquiry. They find it safer and easier to accept these widely held beliefs and "settle" for a meaning of life that is confined to getting a good job, having kids, buying a home, saving for the future, settling the children and then waiting to die. In the meantime, a few spikes of pleasure, here and there. What is the alternative way of living? A life full of passion and exploration. Living like a scientist who passionately explores the hidden secrets of life, an engineer who builds with passion as if giving shape to his imagination, a doctor trying to solve the puzzle about the human body every time he treats a p...

कबीर यह संसार है, जैसा सेमल फूल

  कबीर यह संसार है, जैसा सेमल फूल, दिन दस के ब्योहार में झूठे रंग न भूल It's "Semal" flower season. These flowers look very attractive from a distance. However, they last for very few days. Kabira says that the same applies to our materialistic pursuits . Our achievements and possessions do not keep us happy for long. It's not just a theory. All of us have experienced this in our lives. How many days does the happiness of getting good marks in the class last? What about the happiness of getting a job? Does it last for more than a few days? What about marriage, home, and car? Does it last for more than a few days? No. All of us know this, and yet we keep setting targets . One after the other. We wish for so many things we do not have, depending upon our circumstances. We continue to make efforts for the same. People toil day and night to get their desired colleges, degrees, jobs, properties, cars, and "settle" their children. They do all these things, and th...

अहंकार का जाल

 महाभारत में एक बहुत ही सुंदर कहानी है। मैं जितना ज़्यादा इसके बारे में सोचता हूँ, उतना ही मुझे लगता है कि यह कहानी प्रतीकात्मक है। राजा विचित्रवीर्य का विवाह अंबिका और अंबालिका से हुआ था। उनके कोई संतान नहीं थी। उनकी माता, सत्यवती को लगा कि व्यास को नियोग विधि से अंबिका और अंबालिका को संतान का आशीर्वाद देना चाहिए। व्यास, माता सत्यवती और ऋषि पराशर के पुत्र थे। व्यास ही वह व्यक्ति हैं जो पूरे महाकाव्य, महाभारत को लिख रहे हैं। जब अंबिका व्यास से मिलती हैं, तो वह डर के मारे अपनी आँखें बंद कर लेती हैं, और इसी कारण वह नेत्रहीन धृतराष्ट्र को जन्म देती हैं। जब अंबालिका व्यास से मिलती हैं, तो उनका चेहरा पीला पड़ जाता है, और तब वह पांडु को जन्म देती हैं, जो जन्म से ही काफी कमज़ोर थे। माता सत्यवती ज़ोर देती हैं कि अंबिका एक बार फिर व्यास से मिलें, लेकिन अंबिका डर के मारे अपनी दासी को भेज देती हैं; और वह दासी विदुर को जन्म देती है। मुझे लगता है कि यह कहानी काफी प्रतीकात्मक है, और इसका असली अर्थ आज की दुनिया में सबसे ज़्यादा प्रासंगिक है। व्यास चेतना का प्रतिनिधित्व करते हैं। वह एक जाग्रत आत्म...

Trap of Emotions

The Mahabharata has a very beautiful story. The more I think about it, the more I feel the story is symbolic. King Vichitravirya is married to Ambika and Ambalika. He doesn't have children. His mother, Satyavati, feels that Vyasa should bless Ambika and Ambalika with children through Niyoga . Vyasa is the son of Mother Satyavati and Rishi Parashara. Vayasa is the person who is writing the entire epic, the Mahabharata. When Ambika meets Vyasa, she closes her eyes out of fear, and that's why she gives birth to blind Dhritrastra . When Ambalika meets Vyasa, she turns pale, and that's when she gives birth to Pandu , who is quite weak since birth. Mother Satyavati insists that Ambika meet Vyasa one more time, and she sends her maid out of fear; the maid gives birth to Vidura . I feel that the story is quite symbolic, and its true meaning is most relevant in today's world. Vyasa represents the consciousness . He is an aware soul, son of Rishi Parashara, and that's why h...

Are you Sure of your Meaning of Life?

Dhritrastra is a character in the Mahabharata who is most relevant in today's world. Dhritrastra did not have eyes. I feel that "blindness" is quite symbolic. If someone lacks awareness of the truth, he is as good as being blind. Despite being "unaware", Dhritrastra was always "sure" that he had been victimised. That's why he wanted his son Duryodhana to become the king of Hastinapur. That's why, consciously as well as unconsciously, he made a monster out of Duryodhana.  The combo of "absence of awareness" and "being sure" is quite dangerous. When we are sure of something, we become adamant. We close ourselves. We become more and more sure of whatever belief we hold on to. Dhritrastra was sure that the action of making Pandu the king was not justified. He became king very soon, but the sense of injustice continued. When we are not aware, we make a mental story and live by it. The problem with all the mental stories is tha...

Pain of the Soul

  Some basic questions are emerging in my mind. When a child is born into a family, the parents, consciously and unconsciously, pass on their fears and insecurities to the child. They also pass on their ambitions and greed to the child. The type of food he will eat and the basic ingredients of his mindset are also passed on to him. Does that child have any choice? If he is born into a Hindu family, he will follow the Hindu religion; if into a Muslim family, he will naturally follow the Muslim religion. If he is born in a vegetarian family, he will eat vegetarian food; if born in a non-vegetarian family, he will eat non-vegetarian food. If the parents consider money the fulcrum of life, he will study hard to get a job or start a business. If parents feel he should marry to continue their lineage, he will naturally marry. I mean to ask where the scope for independent examination is? Since childhood, the child's mind has been conditioned. How will the parents, who have themselves ne...

आत्मा का दर्द

 मेरे मन में कुछ बुनियादी सवाल उठ रहे हैं। जब किसी परिवार में कोई बच्चा पैदा होता है, तो माता-पिता, जाने-अनजाने में, अपने डर और असुरक्षाओं को उस बच्चे में उतार देते हैं। वे अपनी महत्वाकांक्षाएँ और लालच भी उस बच्चे को दे देते हैं। वह किस तरह का खाना खाएगा और उसकी सोच के बुनियादी तत्व क्या होंगे, ये सब भी उसे माता-पिता से ही मिलते हैं। क्या उस बच्चे के पास कोई विकल्प होता है? अगर वह किसी हिंदू परिवार में पैदा होता है, तो वह हिंदू धर्म का पालन करेगा; अगर किसी मुस्लिम परिवार में पैदा होता है, तो स्वाभाविक रूप से मुस्लिम धर्म का पालन करेगा। अगर वह शाकाहारी परिवार में पैदा होता है, तो शाकाहारी खाना खाएगा; अगर मांसाहारी परिवार में पैदा होता है, तो मांसाहारी खाना खाएगा। अगर माता-पिता पैसे को ही जीवन का केंद्र मानते हैं, तो वह नौकरी पाने या कोई व्यवसाय शुरू करने के लिए खूब पढ़ाई करेगा। अगर माता-पिता को लगता है कि अपनी वंश-परंपरा को आगे बढ़ाने के लिए उसे शादी करनी चाहिए, तो वह स्वाभाविक रूप से शादी करेगा। मेरा कहने का मतलब यह है कि यहाँ स्वतंत्र रूप से जाँच-परख करने की गुंजाइश कहाँ है? बचपन ...

A Short Break from the Race

Each one of us knows that if the whole of the world moves in the direction of spirituality , the world will be the most beautiful place to live. What if everybody is full of love and compassion ? Would people with billions of dollars and rupees in their accounts sleep peacefully when they know that billions of people are dying of hunger? With their hearts full of love, they will make every effort to help those dying of hunger. Why would there be terror and exploitation when the heart of everybody is full of love and compassion?  When the solution is so easy, why are we shying away from the same? There are two fundamental reasons for the same. First, we are not sure about others. Many countries decided to give away their nuclear arms and focus on economic development . But then they were attacked by greedy countries. The same thing happens in life. We have been driven by love and compassion, but the people around us have started manipulating us and treating us as their tools. That'...

Loneliness

Today, in our Sunday dialogue, we had a profound discussion. Shakti ji mentioned that J. Krishnamurti once said that the seeking of pleasure begins with our inability to accept loneliness . We get bored. Unable to bear that boredom, we want some spice in life. We seek the company of people. We want to enjoy the materialistic pleasures. One restaurant to the other, one tourist place to the other. Since money is the currency used to buy all these pleasures, it becomes central to our existence. Most of the relationships are formed as an escape. Since two people are uncomfortable in their own company, they form a relationship to give comfort to each other. Both run after the objects of pleasure together. The story of Gandhari is very beautiful and symbolic. She married Dhritrastra and had her eyes blindfolded for the rest of her life. That seems quite strange. If her husband were blind, at least she could have helped her husband see the world. His life would have been more comfortable. ...

Samsara

Brahmcharya is said to be an essential component of spiritual practices. Many people take sanyasa to move away from the world full of desires. While many feel that this world is for enjoyment, and one should enjoy to the fullest extent. I watched a movie long back titled "Samsara" wherein a Buddhist monk meditates in a cave for a long time, but he has desires left. He goes on a ritual to a village and falls in love with a woman. He gives up the monkhood and marries that lady. In the process, he fought with other villagers and had one more affair, finally realising that it was all futile to return to the monastery. The point I want to drive home is that it is also not certain whether one will be free of desires, whether one is a monk or a family man. I am not sure what's a good way to get rid of the desires. To fulfil them so that they drop naturally, or to abstain from them. Many people abstain from money. I have seen honest officers always being compared with corrupt ...

Fairness in this Unfair World

Fairness is a very abstract concept. A lady has some leftover sweets in the kitchen that her own kids have refused to eat. She offers them to a maid, who eats the sweets and becomes happy. The lady knows that her own kids would never eat such sweets. Is it fair on the part of that lady? A rich country is not finding space to dump the e-waste . It ships containers filled with e-waste to a poor country, where the country takes it to extract precious metals. The rich country knows very well that e-waste is harmful to the environment, and that's why it sends the containers to the poor country. Is it fair on the part of the rich country? Fairness is very relative. Was Krishna fair when he asked Bhima to hit Duryodhana on the thigh against the rules of the game? Was Krishna fair when he asked Arjuna to hit an arrow at Karna when his chariot broke down? Was it fair on the part of the Kauravas to insult Draupadi ? Was it fair on the part of Draupadi to insult Duryodhana while Duryodhana...

Tryst with Reality

There is a beautiful story in the Bhagwat Puran in which Narad Muni is travelling with Lord Vishnu . Lord Vishnu realises that Narad has developed arrogance of being a bhakta . To help him see reality , Lord Vishnu sends him to bring a glass of water. Narad reaches home and asks for a glass of water. A beautiful girl comes out, and Narad falls in love with that girl. He forgets the task assigned to him and proposes to marry the girl. He marries the girl, and they have kids. He "loves" his family very much and makes every effort to make them happy. A massive flood hits the village, causing Narada to lose his wife and children. As he is drowning in grief, Vishnu appears and asks, "Where is my water? I have been waiting for hours." What is the meaning of Narada's "love" for his family? What is the meaning of " happiness "? We go to a multiplex to watch a movie. The projector sends a beam of light to the screen, and we watch something happen on...

Self-love of a Wave

Sometimes I wonder what people do in the name of self-love . Anybody who dives deeper and deeper into the ocean of life would invariably realise that we are all connected. All the waves in different parts of the ocean are nothing but the ocean. They appear very different. Some silent, some noisy. Some harmless, some aggressive. Some high, some low. Underlying all of them is the water of the ocean. Water, dancing to different tunes with the winds.  All of us are also like waves, dancing to the wind of life. Fundamentally, we are comprised of the same matter, just having different mindsets and beliefs, like different types of waves dancing on the surface of the ocean. What is the self-love of a wave? Love to protect its shape? What if it merges into the ocean? It will just reemerge as a wave. What's so great about protecting its form?  Love is very different. A loving wave will love all the waves. It will have the realisation that all the waves share the same source. A big wave ...

Lost in the Thoughts

In reality, we live in the world of thoughts. If we close our eyes and think for a moment about who we are, all of us would get different answers. Our name, family, relationships, city where we live, home, job, properties, community, religion, belief system, thought process, and so on. Generally, a few of these things will come to our minds. All of them exist just in our minds. Just because it exists in the minds of all the people around us, it looks so real. For example, a movie in the picture hall looks more real because the lights are switched off and the walls are soundproof. We are cut off from the reality outside the hall. In the hall, everybody cries and laughs together, making it quite a realistic experience. As we get lost in the movie, it becomes increasingly difficult for our minds to remember that it's just a movie. That's why we get engrossed with the characters and feel highly emotive. Isn't the same true about our name? Since childhood, we have been called th...