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Pressure cooker ki seeti

कल्पना कीजिए कि प्रेशर कुकर में सीटी न लगी हो और गैस लगातार तेज़ जल रही हो, तो शायद दबाव से प्रेशर कुकर फट जाए। क्या अब जीवन भी ऐसा ही है? सुबह-शाम, दिन-रात जिस तरह के माहौल में हम रहते हैं, न जाने कितने तरह के दबावों से हमें गुज़रना पड़ता है। तो क्या ये त्योहार उसी प्रेशर कुकर की सीटी की तरह काम करते हैं? जब भी त्योहार आते हैं, तो कुछ समय के लिए हम बहुत खुश हो जाते हैं, लोगों से मिलते हैं, बातें करते हैं, अपना दुख-दर्द बाँटते हैं और हमारा दबाव ऐसे निकल जाता है, जैसे प्रेशर कुकर की गैस। पर प्रेशर कुकर के नीचे गैस लगातार जल रही है। हमें भी घर में, ऑफिस में, परिवार में, समाज में—हर जगह न जाने कितने तरह के दबाव बिना रुके लगातार झेलने पड़ते हैं। अब प्रश्न उठता है कि इसका कोई सही समाधान है क्या? क्या हम कभी इस गैस को बंद कर सकते हैं? शायद नहीं। परिस्थितियों को बदलना शायद हमारे हाथ में नहीं है। अगर हवा प्रदूषित है, तो हमें प्रदूषित हवा में ही साँस लेनी होगी। अगर सिस्टम भ्रष्ट है, तो हमें उसी भ्रष्ट सिस्टम में कहीं न कहीं जीना होगा। अगर रिश्ते बहुत ही दिखावटी हैं, तो प्रयास करके भी हम उन्हें ...
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Happy Deepawali

We all know Deepawali celebrates Ram's homecoming after 14 years of Vanavasa. How do we celebrate Deepawali today? By spending hours on the road. Spending money in the markets on sweets, chocolates, crackers, and expensive gifts. By having parties and get-togethers. What does it all have to do with the story of the Ramayana? Rama went to the forest for 14 years to honour his father's words. He fought against the mighty Ravan to bring Sita back. In his absence, Bharat cared for the kingdom of Ayodhya and lived as an ascetic. Even after returning from Vanavasa, when Rama became king of Ayodhya and the subjects doubted Sita's purity, Sita went to the forest. Rama and Sita never lived a comfortable life.  I don't know whether the homecoming of Rama is an occasion to have parties, drink liquor, burn crackers, create noise pollution, pollute the entire atmosphere with chemical fumes, jam the roads, show off wealth, spend time and energy on socialisation and show off, spend mo...

Can we see through our desires?

Ask a child what he wants, and he will tell you with certainty that he wants to clear NEET, CLAT, or UPSC. Ask a businessman, and he will tell you with certainty that he wants to expand, set up another factory, or earn money. Ask a bureaucrat, and he will tell you that he wants to reach the topmost position in the organisation. Ask a politician, and he will say that he wants to become a minister. But where do all these desires come from?  Of course, from the ecosystem. Had Ravan been born in the present age, he would not have wanted to build a city of gold; rather, he might have wanted to control the world of AI and, through it, the minds of all humanity. Had Duryodhana been born in the present-day world, he might have wanted to become an unquestioned dictator of a country. But the question is actually not about the form; rather, it's about the substance. Why does Ravan develop a desire to control all three Lokas while Rama develops Vairagya? Why does Duryodhana want to take what i...

Telling Lies to Oneself

It's strange to see how we develop inauthenticity. We see students ambitious to score 90% or more in exams, then wasting time with friends in gup-shup. We see employees in different organisations with the ambition to win awards, yet unwilling to work hard. We see people projecting an image of philanthropy while remaining unconcerned about even their own family members. We see people claiming they love their siblings, yet they won't even mind filing a property suit against them. Where do all these inauthenticities come from? How does that student grow inauthentic? He sees that his parents, in particular, and society in general appreciate those students who get 90% or more. He also wants that appreciation. At the same time, his instincts want him to have fun with friends and roam around. Now, if he is aware, he will see the conflict and try to choose one. If he sees the value in that 90% plus, he will not waste time on gup-shups. However, the instinctive mind is actually very sma...

Drifting Apart

We often face relationship crises. The younger generation has many situationships and love bombings. They get close for a short time, then drift apart. School life is full of crushes, and as we move to college, we laugh at our stupidity. Society is full of instances of divorces-some mutual and some bitter. As we grow, we make new friends and sometimes can't connect with old friends. Why do relationships change so fast? Why does the attraction fade away? Somebody was so important to us just a few years back that we could have given our life, and just within a few years or months, we feel hurt and want to hurt that person. Why does it happen? What changes? We need to talk about these issues with the children because their minds are full of questions. What is a relationship? A relationship is all about connection. When we connect to another person, how do we connect? Our whole sense of "I" comprises two elements: the part of "I" we are conscious of, and the other p...

My Stroke of Insight

While being on Earth, we can't escape gravity. It's everywhere. Whatever we do and wherever we go, gravity exists. Similarly, while being in this body, it's impossible to escape ego. Whether an ordinary man or a rishi, everyone is under ego's influence. Not so that ego is like a vestigial organ like the tail in the human body, which has no use. Rather, ego has a very important function. If you remove the ego, we will be in a vegetative state. Somebody hurts us or tries to kill us, and we will not respond to that. We will not try to save ourselves. In fact, I recall the book written by Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight". She is a neuroscientist and suffered a stroke. Due to the attack, she lost connection with the left brain and feels boundarylessness and oneness with the surroundings. She has beautifully explained this feeling in the following TED Talk: https://youtu.be/mYD7Y9CXeUw?si=4fFjUX5R6atX-2JX It's amazing to see a neuroscientist explaining ...

Intimate Relationships or Negotiations of Ego

An autoimmune disease occurs when our body's immune system, which normally defends us against external threats like viruses and bacteria, mistakenly attacks our own healthy cells, tissues, and organs. Instead of protecting us, it produces proteins called autoantibodies that damage healthy tissue. That's strange. Something so integral to our body becomes the body's enemy. As if the minister becomes the enemy of the kingdom. Similarly, we are all born with the ego. Even an infant cries when he is hungry to draw his mother's attention and get milk. He will cry if somebody unknown tries to hold him in his lap, and he feels unsafe or uncomfortable. As we grow up, we develop this strong sense of "my", like my parents, my friend, my brother, my sister, my aunt, and so on. We divide the whole of the world between "mine" and the "rest". A few people come within the close circle with whom we share, feel comfortable and safe, and also like to spend ti...

The Remote Control of Our Lives

We hold on tightly to our identities. When we introduce ourselves, we start with our name, given to us by our parents, which we had no control over, yet we hold on to it so tightly. If someone misspells the name or pronounces it wrong, we feel bad and sometimes become aggressive. Then we talk about qualifications. Again, we did not have much choice in that. The parents and ecosystem guided us to choose a certain career, and we did the same. We talk about family, and strangely, we hardly talk about our parents; instead, we talk about our kids and spouse. The parents who gave birth to us and with whom we spend so many years are no longer part of our identity, at least in the discussions. Close friends may ask about their health, but generally it is not more than that. Our identity revolves around our occupation and carries great significance. In government services, designation becomes a very important part of the identity. We think that we are a bundle of these identities. But are we re...

The Projector in the Cinema Hall of Life

Today, while meditating, certain thoughts entered my mind. If "I" am beyond this body and mind, why is it so hard to leave them? Whenever we sit in meditation, so many thoughts rush into the mind. We start experiencing pain, itching, vibrations, and heaviness in different parts of the body. But do we experience what we are? The question is: who will experience whom? All our experiences lie in the mind, and the mind cannot experience the "I"; so how can we ever experience our real form? Imagine being in a movie hall. Our favourite movie is playing on the screen. We look at the screen, and our minds follow the movie's plot. We feel as if we are a part of the movie and get emotionally connected to the characters. We react emotionally. We cry with the hero and laugh with him. We remain quite oblivious to what happens behind the screen. Behind our backs, a projector room projects light onto the screen. The projector has a light source, plus many lenses and mirrors. B...

Is Pursuit of Happiness just a Myth!

We make several choices each day. We choose to get up and go for a walk or go to the gym; we choose to go to the office, work on a project, and set deadlines for subordinates. As students, we choose the college we want to attend, the subjects we want to study, and the job we want to apply for. As adults, we make choices about a life partner, whether to have kids, how to bring them up and so on. We also make choices about socialisation, how much, with whom, and in what form. We make many more choices in our daily lives, such as what clothes to wear, which car to drive, where to go for vacations and so on. How do we make all these choices? Of course, we wanna be happy. We choose what makes us happy. We choose to order a pizza that satisfies our taste; we go to Europe for vacations that make us feel happy; we buy branded clothes that make us happy. What if this happiness is just a myth? Had it not been so, why would the rich people fall into depression? Why would powerful people feel so s...

Human Puppets in the world of Social media

It's hard to imagine the impact social media will have on humanity in the years to come. I watched the Netflix movie Social Dilemma, and it is quite dangerous to realise how social media companies use us as a product. They sell ads by secretly tracking our behaviour on our mobile screens, and we don't even realise how they shape our choices. That made me rethink about human choices. When we say that we are free to make choices, are we really? Aren't the choices we make just a sum total of all these influences? Earlier, in a close-knit society, culture mostly drove choices. In the present-day world, agendas and propaganda drive choices more. Suppose I discuss a new car I want to buy with my friends. Social media companies read my chats and learn that I am interested in buying the car. They read my chats, analyse my preferences, and, based on those preferences, send me a customised advertisement for a car that fits all the parameters. Will my choice not be influenced? Once th...

Responsibility Syndrome

Some of us were the "responsible child" in our families. The responsible child takes responsibility from the beginning. He would try to help his parents at work, at the shop, and at home. He took responsibility for younger siblings, got them ready for school, and helped them with their studies. He would stand up for his family in society, and as he grew up, he would try to ensure his younger siblings' education and get them married. His shoulders grew used to carrying the weight of responsibility from the beginning. What does he get in return? The tag of being responsible. Wherever he goes, people praise him and validate that tag, and he keeps it close to his heart as if it were the most precious possession of his life. It's very easy to manipulate such a child. You just need to tell him he is not behaving responsibly, and he'll do anything to get that tag back. As he grows up, he takes responsibility in office. He puts in extra hours, works overtime, and works we...

Greater Challenge to Break Free of our Meanings, Stories, and Beliefs

We tell our kids to work hard. When they get a bit lazy, we see it as a red flag and push them to work harder. We try to tempt them with their dreams and goals to keep them motivated. Barring a few kids, most have enough motivation to work hard and achieve what they want. They don't mind giving up many pleasures for that. All of us also left so many temptations when we prepared for civil services. Spending time with friends can cause a lot of stress at the end of the day. Watching movies will make us feel guilty. A few days of laziness will make us feel guilty. We've all been through those phases. Some of us choose to stay in our comfort zones and prefer socialisation, parties, fun, and entertainment, so we can't grow beyond them. This is very well depicted by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his flow chart as follows: When the challenge is much lower than our capacity, we get bored; when the challenge is higher than we can handle, we grow anxious. Some of us stay in our comfort ...

Why is it so difficult to connect?

We can understand something only when we connect to it. This applies to human beings, nature, and everything else. We get to know a person by connecting with them, spending time with them, and listening. Scientists discover nature's secrets by connecting with it. The more we connect, the more we get to know that person or nature. In that case, we should connect with more and more people. But why can't we connect even with people we’re very close to? Often we find that husband and wife live under the same roof as strangers for decades. Why is that connection so much missing in real-life relationships? The world is full of insecurities because we have never learnt to confront them. We're told to find escapes, and we keep looking for more. Escapes with longer expiry dates, which can save us from more difficult situations and are always available. Unless we confront the fundamental fears, such as the fear of death, the fear of being nothing, the fear of life being meaningless, ...

जीवन में मरना भला, जो मरि जानै कोय।

When a child goes through a tough time after losing one of his parents, when a person faces the challenges of survival in a concentration camp, or when a person faces a severe health crisis, what changes does it bring to life? We often see that the people who face tough situations in life tend to grow. But is it a necessary prerequisite for growth? As children, we are generally pampered. Parents take care of our food, safety, and all our needs. We are the centre of the family. Parents work hard at the office, provide food, ensure we have good clothes, try to meet our demands, and genuinely want us to be happy. We go to school and learn many skills there. But most of the time, we do things for ourselves. We want to top the class, have friends, go to a good college, and have a good lifestyle. Parents support us financially and emotionally. When a crisis hits the family, the centre shifts from us to something else. When we have somebody fighting a terminal disease, the focus shifts to tha...

Responsible for what?

When we talk about responsibility, what do we mean? When we say Lord Ram was very responsible, what do we mean? When a parent complains that his child is not responsible, what does it mean? As I understand it, responsibility means the ability to respond. The ability to respond to a person or a situation has three essential requisites. First, the ability to listen. I can not take the responsibility to treat a patient suffering from cancer because I have not done the requisite studies in medical science, and therefore I have no capacity to listen to the needs of the patient. Second, I should have the capacity to respond. A doctor may be able to listen and understand the problem, but if he is not practising as a doctor, he can't help the patient. Third, the willingness to listen. I may be a doctor working in a hospital, yet still not be willing to help the patient. But why would somebody take responsibility for another person? Why does the doctor take responsibility? A doctor may take...

Love in Relationships

Can there be love without freedom? Can there be creation without love? Can there be exploration without love? Can there be compassion without love? It appears that all these attributes are closely connected to each other, since they are manifestations of the same phenomenon. When we develop awareness of the inner reality, we realise the limitations of our likes and dislikes, rights and wrongs, good and bad, whatever has been taught to us so far. We see the relativity of all these things. Taking vegetarian food may be good in one culture but not in another. Poking our nose into others' lives may be a right in one society while an absolute no-no in another. Colleagues may feel free to comment on personal matters in one society, while in another that may be an intrusion of privacy. In our childhood, we used to think that our God is most powerful. As we grow, we realise that different religions and different sects have different thoughts. We see the conflicts among belief systems and r...

Kaash....What if....

We are all free to choose, yet we feel trapped. People want to do so many things in life but don't because of their responsibilities. Someone has to take care of the family, someone has to educate the siblings, someone has to marry them, and someone has to take care of the parents. Most people struggle to live their dream life at first and give up too soon. Everybody has his own Kaaash. Kaash I had ventured out of my city and set up a business in a metro; I would not have been so confined. Kaash I had married the girl I liked; I would be living happily today. Kaash I had spent more time studying in school; I would have had a good job. Everybody has one or the other "Kaash". I wish I had done this. Nobody can bring the past time back. Nobody has an option to go back to the past and change the decision. That's why that's not so important. But what if the decision I am taking today will become a kaash tomorrow. There is a very beautiful song picturised on Rajesh Kaha...

Arrogance of Ignorance

I was a child some years ago, and I am in my 40s today. What changes is age, and what remains stagnant is "I". I used to play with toys, and today I like to read books and write blogs. What remains stagnant is "I", and what has changed are my likes and dislikes. I remain stagnant, while my likes, dislikes, thoughts, desires, and ambitions change significantly. When we close our eyes, thoughts about so many different things keep coming and going; the body keeps feeling different sensations. But something remains stagnant. Something within us observes all these changes, like a person sitting on a seashore, watching the waves. How does that make a difference? When we observe, we see three different kinds of people. The first kind of people look at the waves in the ocean, fall in love with them, and fear they will fall off and disappear. They keep seeing the waves fall off, yet develop the same attachment to another set of waves and live in that fear again until they fa...

Children in the Age of Social media

 A new trend is rising among teens. Everybody has read the news that a few young children committed suicide, guided by a video game. We hear news that teens are committing suicide because their parents stopped them from posting photos on social media. Some take extreme steps because their peers ignore them or they don't get likes on social media. The younger generation is not generally concerned about what people think, but the same drive for social validation has taken a different form. Now people seek validation through social media. Trolling on social media really disturbs people. Their image on social media is very dear to them. People in their 40s, 50s, and 60s still care a lot about what those around them think. They may do anything to maintain an image of being good. They may even host parties for their children's weddings using borrowed money so people don't say anything bad about them. They will try to hide the divorce in the family. They will try to hide family ma...

नये युग में रिश्तों की परिभाषा

आजकल लिव-इन रिलेशनशिप, ब्रेकअप और तलाक की चर्चाएं हर जगह छाई हुई हैं। लगभग हर परिवार में ये बातें सुनने को मिलती हैं। लगभग सभी माता-पिता इन समस्याओं से जूझ रहे हैं। कोई इसलिए परेशान है क्योंकि उनके बच्चे शादी नहीं करना चाहते; कोई इसलिए परेशान है क्योंकि वे लिव-इन रिलेशनशिप को शादी में बदलने को लेकर अनिश्चित हैं; कोई इसलिए परेशान है क्योंकि शादी के बाद कोई संकट आ जाता है और सालों के डेटिंग के बाद बच्चों को अचानक एहसास होता है कि वे एक-दूसरे के अनुकूल नहीं हैं। स्कूलों और कॉलेजों में भी ब्रेकअप के कई मामले देखने को मिलते हैं। बच्चे रिश्तों में आने वाली मुश्किलों से निपटने के अपने तरीके ढूंढ लेते हैं, फिर भी लगभग हर कोई उलझन में है और उन्हें भरोसेमंद मार्गदर्शन बहुत कम मिलता है। यहां तक ​​कि वयस्क भी अपने रिश्तों को लेकर संघर्ष कर रहे हैं और आजकल 40 और 50 की उम्र में तलाक होना आम बात हो गई है। क्या हम यह निष्कर्ष निकाल सकते हैं कि समाज का पतन हो गया है और पहले का समय बेहतर था? क्या यह निष्कर्ष उचित है? मुझे लगता है कि इसका जवाब एक और सवाल पर निर्भर करता है: जीवन का अर्थ क्या है? क्या समझौ...