We will find thousands of books that promote the idea that we should "live in the present moment" and not worry about the future. Millions of people attend the spiritual discourses where realised souls, as well as "not realised and pretending to be realised" souls, tell us not to worry or be anxious. Our parents also tell us not to worry. In fact, while we pass through a tough phase, our friends also advise us not to worry and to be happy.
It is such universal advice not to worry, be happy, and live in the present moment. Yet I am 100% sure that all of us worry about one thing or another. Why is worry so common? Because we want things to happen the way we want them to happen. When things do not happen the way we want, we become sad. When we realise that things will not happen the way we want them to, we worry. We worry about the result of the examination. What if I fail? What if I am not able to get the stream I want to study? What if parents do not agree to the marriage? What if that girl rejects my proposal? What if I get transferred out? What if my boss gets angry with me? The mind is always full of hundreds of what-ifs.
The reason that we desperately want something to happen. The boss should remain happy; we should get more marks than expected; we should always be healthy; our parents should always be in good health; we should always receive appreciation; and people should praise us. Logically, we are 100% sure that nothing will ever happen, and there will also be "surprise elements." In fact, when we talk about our past, we proudly mention these surprise elements. How we handled that search premise where the taxpayer created all types of problems, and yet we showed presence of mind and handled that premise. The bike got punctured while going to the exam, and somehow we managed to reach the examination centre and yet clear the exam. In fact, I very vividly remember the incident when I was going to appear for the civil services examination in 2005, and an insect bit me on the mouth, making it almost impossible for me to speak. In the morning, my friend took me to a doctor who gave me an injection, and somehow I could speak during the interview.
When we remember only the incidents in our lives where we did something out of the box and applied ourselves in the domain of the unknown, why are we so fussy when things do not happen the way we want them to? Why do we want to control everything? Why do we want everybody to behave the way we feel they should behave, and the slightest deviation makes them unworthy? We apply all our weapons in our arsenals to criticise them. When things do not happen our way, either we find someone to hold accountable, or we play the victim card and try to blame God for bringing misfortunes upon us. It happens almost every time.
We can enjoy the process fully without worrying about the outcome. How? It can happen only when the process aims at exploration or love. There are two movements going on in parallel within all of us. First, the movement of the ego, or separation. It wants to control everything and grow bigger and bigger. All of us want to have a strong body, a nice voice, a robust self-image of being good, an image of being a good man, powers and money. Second, the movement of oneness, which connects us to the universe. This fills us with love and compassion towards others and also a drive to explore and create in this universe. Having realised that oneness at the core, the self wants to explore the other contents of the consciousness and also to create its own unique expression. When we get engrossed in any process, be it studying, carrying out our office work, talking to friends, writing a book, or doing anything else, we are guided either by an egoistic drive or by oneness.
When Buddha gives sermons, what is the driving force? His desire to be famous or to boost his self-image as a guru? Or love and compassion for the people who have not discovered the truth, and are living a life driven by ego due to a lack of awareness. When Einstein carried out research in the field of quantum Physics, what was the driving force? To prove that he is a big scientist? Or to genuinely know what reality is? When an author is writing a book, what is the driving force? To prove that he can write well or to become famous? Or to write down the ideas and thoughts that fill his mind so that he can share those thoughts and experiences with fellow human beings? I feel that the locus decides whether we can live in the present moment and be free of worries. If the locus of control is to strengthen the ego, we can never be free of worries because the ego always wants to "become" stronger, and that's why it is highly concerned about outcomes, and that's why there will always be worry when things do not go our way. On the other hand, when the locus is oneness, we will enjoy the process per se, unaffected by the outcomes. But the locus can't shift from the ego to oneness, unless we observe choicelessly and "look through" the clouds of ignorance. There are layers and layers of ignorance.
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