Human beings are the sum total of their emotions. We have a wide variety of emotions such as fear, love, trust, anguish, serenity, irritation, frustration, stress, and so on. Our emotions keep changing like the weather. Our feelings are very complex, and it's actually difficult to distinguish the emotions underlying them. When a parent feels anxious about their child's education, that anxiety may encompass many different emotions. It may be due to the fear of social validation, "Log kya kahenge?" It may be due to fear regarding the survival of the child, "iske kharche kaise chalenge?" It may also be a feeling of losing the competition, "Mehta ji ka ladka to IIT kar gaya, hamari aulad nikkami nikli". It may also be a feeling of guilt, "meri hi parvarish me kush kami rahi hogi". Or the remorse that I could have done something better, "Kash maine kuch aur samay diya hota". It may also be a sense of meaninglessness due to the shattering of dreams, "Aulad ne kahi ka nahi choda, hame to itni ummede the".
Underlying all these emotions is an egoist play. The relation between two egos may be "parent-child", "child-child", or "adult to adult". Generally, people are confined to their own world. The world is so full of problems that the strongest survival lesson we learn since childhood is to close ourselves off. When there is a death in the neighbourhood, the mother tells the child to focus on studies and not to be concerned. The mother feels that "sensitivity" may distract the child from studies, and in this harsh world, the child can survive only by studying well. A child learns to compete even with his best friends because there is not sufficient space for all the children in good colleges and universities. He learns to hide the notes and to develop a preparation strategy. People like the character of "Silencer" of "3 Idiots" become so competitive that they take extreme measures like placing an erotic magazine in the rooms of their batch mates just the previous night before the exam to distract them.
Now this "fragile self" looks forward to the parents getting some security. Parents are themselves "fragile egos" because they experienced this fragility in their childhood. They learned the trick of the game. Work hard and accumulate wealth to feel safe. That's the "winning formula" they have learned through their life struggle. They still do not feel safe, but have a very strong feeling that whatever they have earned so far gives them a sense of security. The last time they had a medical issue, they could visit the best doctor in town because they had money. They want their child to be able to visit the best doctor if he falls ill. They want their children to plan a pleasure trip in Switzerland. They have never examined the reality of their inner world by taking one escape after another. Now this "ignorant ego" becomes the parent, and the child looks to it for guidance. One "fragile self" looking forward to the other "fragile self" for guidance. Since the parents have themselves never connected to the inner world, they tell their child whatever best they have been able to do in this life. While saying that, they end up passing their own insecurities on to the child as well.
Even in an "adult-adult" relationship, generally, both adults try to maintain their territory. Often discussions turn into debates. What is most important to prove, "I am right". My life experiences are better, and I know the "mantra of life". The "fragile ego" has never learnt to connect to the other. In a "child-child" relationship, too, the two fragile selves generally try to offer each other some consolation and support, which often fails because it's just hollow words.
Unless the "fragile self" examines its fragility and realises that the entire concept of fragility rests on a mistaken understanding of the self, nothing will change. Is the meaning of life just to survive and enjoy by consuming the objects of pleasure? I doubt such a fragile self would ever be able to experience love and compassion. How will it explore? Exploration demands taking risks. If the purpose is just to survive, how will it explore? How will it research a scientific project for decades without knowing the future of that research? How will it work on some book, unsure of the audience? Love is not a negotiation of pleasure and security. Love is not "you scratch my back, and I scratch yours". To be able to love, one needs to examine one's "fragility". Only when we examine that "fragility" and realise that it was just a mental story, by understanding "self", that "fragility" drops, we connect to the "inner world" full of wonders. In that state, we can see through others' "mental stories" and connect with them rather than ridiculing them. We can see their struggle. We develop love and compassion. When that lady alleges that Buddha made her pregnant, Buddha has the same compassion towards her because he is not "fragile". It does not mean Krishna will not ask Arjuna to hit the arrow at Karna. In either case, the action will not be driven by "fear" and "fragility"; rather, it will be based on "Love". In the first case, love for the "ignorant lady" who became a tool in the hands of opponents and in the second case, love towards the people who deserve the "rule of truth" and not the "rule of greed".
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