Life

Live-ins, breakups, and divorces dominate the conversations today. You will find these discussions in almost every family. Almost all parents are confronting these issues. Someone is tense because their children don't want to marry; someone is tense because they're unsure about turning a live-in relationship into marriage; someone is tense because, after marriage, a crisis hits, and after years of dating, the children suddenly realise they aren't compatible. There are so many breakups in schools and colleges. Children develop their own ways to cope with relationship crises, yet almost everyone is confused, and they have little dependable guidance available to them. Even adults are struggling with their relationships, and divorces in their 40s and 50s are quite common nowadays. Do we conclude that society has deteriorated and earlier times were better? Is that a fair conclusion? I think the answer depends on another question: what is the meaning of life? Is a workable life f...

Life is all about time and attention. Whatever we spend time on and give attention to becomes our life. For a mountaineer, life is all about mountains. For a scientist, life is all about science. For a singer, life is all about singing. The more we indulge a thought, the more likely we are to be convinced of it. If we develop hatred or jealousy toward a person and spend more and more time on that thought, we become more convinced we are right. If we develop an ambition to attack a target, and spend more and more time on that thought, our desire to get that target will increase with every passing day. If we fear something, the more we think about it, the more it will grow. The question is: how do we decide what thought we want to spend time on? If we feel jealous, those thoughts naturally come to mind. The moment we see that person or join a discussion about them, those old thoughts capture our attention, and we can't get past them. The same is true of fears and ambitions. Whenever ...

Fear is the most fundamental emotion in our lives. Nothing stands before fear. The moment we feel the earth shaking under our feet and our brain makes sense that there is an earthquake in our locality, the best food we are having at that time, the most comfortable home we are staying in, and the best Netflix series we are watching, nothing matters, and we just run away from everything to save our lives. "Jann hai to Jahan Hai". We encounter the same fear in hospitals when we get admitted to the emergency room or ICU and see people dying and suffering from serious diseases; we feel that fear. When we sense a crisis in a close relationship, we feel fear. When we see a crisis in office, we get afraid. How do we handle these fears? We try to get some external support. We try to find a flat in an earthquake-resistant building. Of course, that flat will be more expensive. So we try to earn more money so we can afford one. We try to earn money to buy a safer car. We try to make the ...

Someone is sad because he didn't get the promotion, while someone else is happy just because he got food to eat. Someone is sad because his father left his brother an extra 100 cr in his will, while someone else is happy because he got the chance to serve his father. In the movie "Life is Beautiful", Guido Orefice is happy just to bring a smile to the face of his son; even just before being executed, the nazi soldiers are not happy even after killing so many. Some feel obliged to smile; others don't, even when they get everything they want in a relationship. What's the reason? I met Shri Purushottam Agarwal ji at an event on Kabir in Banaras and asked him why, while everybody sees so many profound things every day, like death, very few ask the real questions and begin their spiritual journey; he humbly replied that he has no answer. I, too, have no answer to these questions. However, Buddha answers this question precisely. He said that there are four types of peop...

You can't hold on to so many things at once. Time, energy, and space are limited. If I want to watch a movie, I can not write a blog at the same time. All of us have dropped so many things in our lives. We used to love playing Bat-ball and Ludo with our friends in childhood, but as we grew, we dropped them and devoted more time to studies. We used to enjoy oily food, but as we aged, we switched to healthier alternatives. We moved on from that first crush in school. We left that first job and moved on to the second and the third. Yet a common thread ran through it all. We wanted to become better. We left the previous job for a better one, spent time with friends to do well in our studies, ate oily food for our health, and so on. We did something, realised there was a better alternative, and dropped the first. That's what any growth-oriented person does in life. We choose growth over instincts. It's not easy to leave the tasty food, the friends, or that crush, but that's ...

Some see the limitations of their frame, while most do not. Mahatma Gandhi would have enjoyed his life as a lawyer. Even while India was still ruled by the Imperial Crown, he completed his education in London and was practising law in South Africa. He had an opportunity most Indians did not. Yet, why did he decide to leave all the comforts and fight for the freedom of South Africa and India? Why could he see the limits of his life framework when many of his contemporaries could not? How could Siddhartha see the limits of his life framework and leave behind all the comforts to seek truth? Every child is equally keen to explore. Curiosity is quite natural to every child. Give any child a toy, and he will want to explore it from top to bottom. Every child will try to take it apart and understand what’s inside. If you keep a child in a room, he will naturally run around, touch different things, and explore. That means curiosity and exploration are natural to human beings from birth. What h...

People from the mountains are generally down-to-earth. Why? Probably because they see the mountains and the valleys. They ride atop mountains and can see how small their homes look from the mountains. They realise the limits of human existence in the face of nature. People in the plains probably lack this perspective. For them, the city's high points are skyscrapers, and they can't imagine anything higher, so their dreams don't go beyond the highest apartment in the tallest building. From one city to another, from Delhi to New York and Washington, nothing changes how people in these cities view life. For them, life is all about the highest apartment in the tallest building. Meaning is reduced to achievements and targets. Relationships also lose their natural flair in the polluted air of the cities, and they too become trades and exchanges. Relationships become our winning formulas for riding the corporate ladder fast. Relationships become tools. Social interactions turn int...

 Life is all about choices. We make choices almost every moment. Whether to keep sleeping or wake up is the first choice we make during the day. We also choose whether to go for a walk, what to eat, how to plan the day, where to go, what activities to do, and so on. We also make wider choices, such as choosing a college, a life partner, friends, and an occupation. Often, different options are in conflict with each other. We have to choose between comfort and health, career prospects and taking care of family, continuing in a toxic relationship or leaving it. But how do we make choices? Based on what we know? Of course. How can we make choices based on what we don't know? We decide right and wrong based on what we have learnt so far. A family has eaten vegetarian food since the beginning, and everyone in the community does too. When a member of this family visits a restaurant, he will naturally choose from a vegetarian menu. When he sees his friend eating non-vegetarian food, he may...

Watched the movie Social Reckoning. The movie is about the deliberate manipulation of social media recommendations and its harmful effects on teens in particular, and people in general. The movie includes interesting conversations between the CEO and his team members. It also includes interesting conversations between the journalist and the whistleblower. But why do these people engage in manipulations that could spoil generations for a few dollars? How do they become so disconnected from humanity? After all, humanity created money to facilitate exchange. Of course, you can buy pleasures with money. But what about fundamental things like love and compassion? How do we get so blinded? How are we so lost in stories that we fail to see the truth? How can you make these people understand that they're spoiling whole generations? Will the greedy people ever understand? Leave them aside. When, after enjoying a long relationship, being together, and sharing nice moments, people turn into e...

Unconscious battles are very deceptive. Even Lakshmana, who symbolises knowledge and wisdom, is bound by the nagpasha that Meghnadha uses. We love our children and, of course, wish them the best. But unless we can see from a little distance, do we really know what is best for them? When the child cries for ice cream, and we know it may not be good for him, we refuse, and he cries more; we somehow fall into the trap and succumb to pressure. We give in to many such situations: when the child wants a bike or a mobile, or when we use our resources to get him the best college admission through the donation route. We worry about the children if we don't know their whereabouts for even a day. On the contrary, sometimes we take a tough stand. When the child meets a girl he likes and feels he could spend his entire life with, we suddenly resent the match. It is not from the same case. It is not from the same religion. What will society say? The match will not last. Or when the child develop...

A highway where cars, trucks, and buses move very smoothly. Every vehicle follows the rules, maintains a safe distance, and keeps a steady speed. A hotel where every decorative item, chair, piece of furniture, and flower is very nicely arranged. A garden where the gardener has kept the plants in excellent shape. A relationship where both partners know their boundaries well, respect each other, and give each other space. A society where systems are in place, people follow the norms, and no one backstabs anyone else. A place where the weather is neither too hot nor too cold, and where walking under the open sky is fun. All the great systems aim at harmony. They are based on the concept of "workability". Live and let life. Respect others and get respected. Respect boundaries in relationships. All the vehicles on the highway are individual units, and yet they maintain harmony on the road. Harmony has its own attraction and utility. Who would like to drive on a highway full of tra...

Modern life is full of stress. You talk to anybody, whether working or not, whether in a job or in business, whether living in a small city or a metro, whether married or single; everybody is equally stressed. Why? Because most of us want to "become" somebody. A student wants to become a graduate; a civil services aspirant wants to become an officer; an unmarried man wants to become a husband; a poor person wants to become rich; a powerless person wants to become powerful; a stupid person wants to become intelligent; and an unrealised person wants to become enlightened. Seeking makes us work. We work hard and get exhausted. So what's the problem? That's the way the world works. That's why society appreciates achievers. That's why different awards are announced every year. We motivate our children to work hard so they can achieve different milestones. Yes, of course. But do we notice something very obvious? The moment we set a target to achieve a certain outcom...

This morning I was just listening to this Bhajan: मेरा आपकी कृपा से सब काम हो रहा है, करते हो तुम कन्हैया, मेरा नाम हो रहा है। I wondered whose work is getting done. Is it truly surrender to the divine will, or just using the divine to get whatever the ego wants? What if things don't happen the way we want them to? What if we get a disease, or there is the death of a close family member, or we get trouble in our career, or we face a crisis in a relationship? Will we still say, "With your blessings, my work is happening"? The moment I think about "my work", the ego is the centre of our existence. It's very difficult to understand the game ego plays with us. It keeps playing in many different forms, and spirituality and surrender are among its ugliest plays. When somebody suffers from blood cancer, the problem is that whenever doctors transfuse blood into their body, the healthy blood also turns into the same cancerous blood. Whatever volume of healthy blood y...

We have a very strong sense of responsibility. A father may not like his job, yet he keeps doing it because he has taken responsibility for earning money for his family. A mother may feel exploited and may even be physically tortured, yet she will stay back because she has assumed the responsibility of taking care of the children. Where does this sense of responsibility come from? Does the Sun have a responsibility to help plants make food or to dry our clothes? Do the clouds have responsibility to bring water to the pond of our village? Do the trees have a responsibility to provide us with oxygen? Where does this sense of responsibility come from? Why do we feel so responsible for our family, yet easily turn our faces away from responsibility toward society? If we can save a crore to ensure quality education for our kids, why don't we help the kids on the street who do not even have enough to feed themselves? Why is our responsibility towards our kids so strong? Where does that re...

Even after morning prayers every day, reading religious scriptures, singing bhajans, debating for hours, watching spiritual content for years, and having joined a spiritual cult for decades, we remain full of fears, hatred, jealousy, and ambitions. Both brothers who drag each other to the police station and the courtroom often follow the same spiritual cult. Husband and wife who want to demean each other and fight like dogs often pray in the same temple and to the same God. Often, two different groups fight to control religious places because they're a source of easy money. Priests fight for positions. Why do we play such games in the name of spirituality? Probably because the ego does not want to let go of even spirituality and uses it as a tool. Often, we encounter people in spiritual discussions for whom proving their point matters far more than discovering the truth, and they will go to any lengths to prove it, even bullying other participants. Does that help us in any way? But...

Such a beautiful morning. Birds are singing so many songs that strike chords in the human soul. Leaves are waving their hands as if inviting us to embrace them. A mild smell of winter is in the air. The human mind is full of so many thoughts. Thoughts about different fears and ambitions. Thoughts about setting up the kids, buying a property, planning a vacation, or changing jobs. Thoughts about becoming and achieving. Thoughts about the past. Guilt, shame, grudges, feeling victimised, and so on. These thoughts keep pulling us into the past and future and never let us stay in the present moment to enjoy the beautiful nature just outside the window. The stories our brains create are very gross. While reality is very subtle. We create stories about the good and the bad, right and wrong, pain and pleasure. "Gupta is to bekaar aadmi hain, apne bete ki shadi me bhi nahi aaye." Do we ever contemplate how we define a good person and a bad person? Somebody who is useful to us is a goo...

Watched the movie Drishyam. The mother of a boy who was murdered wants to take revenge. The father of a girl who was sexually abused wants to protect his wife, who killed the boy in self-defence. The rest of the story follows the manipulation of evidence and the planting of a story everyone believes to be true. After watching the movie, I wondered whether it is possible to distinguish between story and reality. The advocate for the accused, as well as the judge, believes the accused’s story of innocence. All of us believe in numerous stories. Human beings are the most evolved beings on this Earth. We are the only living beings in this entire cosmos. We are making great developments by building cities. When we fall ill, we feel safe in doctors’ hands. We believe in the story of family, love, our own people, and our own community. Almost all of us have believed the story of religion for centuries. The story about the heavens and souls. What if all these are just stories believed by the m...

It's strange to see entitled people. There is a story about a donkey that gets painted like a tiger, and the other animals start treating him like the king of the forest. But as soon as he opens his mouth, everyone learns the truth, and he becomes a laughingstock. A donkey's entitlement can't last long, but we've all noticed entitled people around us who keep enjoying it for a long time. An entitled child born into a rich family, an employee who reaches a position through favouritism, a second-generation politician who got everything on a platter, or a pampered spouse doing nothing in life.  There may be three scenarios. First, a person gets a position or stature below his performance; second, above his performance; and third, on par. Similar scenarios may apply to work quality and the person's capacity. In the first scenario, a person gets work far below his capacity; in the second, far above his capacity; and in the third, on par.   Low stature ...

Does spirituality mean that when a tiger is chasing us, we won't try to save our lives? Does it mean that if someone is bullying us, we won't push back? Does it mean that when some bacteria attacks us, we will not take antibiotics? Does it mean being in a vegetative state? I don't think that can ever be the meaning of spirituality? Going by that logic, the Pandavas should have let go of their claim, and Ram would have let go of his search for Sita.  Does that mean that we should live an egoistic life, driven by the ego? "I am mine" should be the core theme of life? We should fight the battles to expand our own empires, and exploit others to become more resourceful. Going by that logic, what imperial forces did was also justified. They expanded their rule over poor nations that could not defend themselves and exploited their resources. That was for the benefit of their own people. After all, every country tries to do the same. To protect their national interest. Pr...