Live-ins, breakups, and divorces dominate the conversations today. You will find these discussions in almost every family. Almost all parents are confronting these issues. Someone is tense because their children don't want to marry; someone is tense because they're unsure about turning a live-in relationship into marriage; someone is tense because, after marriage, a crisis hits, and after years of dating, the children suddenly realise they aren't compatible. There are so many breakups in schools and colleges. Children develop their own ways to cope with relationship crises, yet almost everyone is confused, and they have little dependable guidance available to them. Even adults are struggling with their relationships, and divorces in their 40s and 50s are quite common nowadays.
Do we conclude that society has deteriorated and earlier times were better? Is that a fair conclusion? I think the answer depends on another question: what is the meaning of life? Is a workable life full of compromise better than a difficult life with freedom? What is the locus of life: living successfully by social standards or living a life of freedom? If we look at earlier generations, their lives were largely driven by social validation. People will do anything just to conform to the social norms. If there were hardly any divorces in the generation of our parents, that did not mean that there were no domestic abuses or demands for dowry or suffocation and exploitation. They were there, but people tolerated them just to maintain the image of having a family.
In the present generation, people are more liberal. They have their voices. For them, freedom is sacrosanct, and they won't give it up for any reason. That's why people are more vocal in relationships. They want to experiment before marriage. They feel marriage is a big responsibility, and they don't want to enter it without knowing their partner well. That's why living in relationships is trending. Young couples do not hesitate to divorce if marriages do not work, even if they marry after years of courtship. They are upfront about their feelings and don't want to pretend. For them, their freedom is sacrosanct. How can it be a degeneration of society? A society where people speak up is always better than one where people suffocate and stay silent. Human life is not for compromise and silent suffering. People like Bhagat Singh chose freedom over slavery at the cost of their lives.
But is freedom an aim in itself? Freedom of what? Freedom of living my life on my own terms? Freedom of not caring about others? Would a free soul necessarily be selfish? Not at all? Freedom without awareness of life's larger frame may make a person selfish.
It's time to use this freedom to explore. Explore the nature of reality and self. That understanding and realisation connect us to the forces of nature, to ourselves, and to others. It makes us experience love. Love, which is different from attachment. Where growth is the centre. It doesn't limit the other person or hook onto them; instead, it helps everyone grow. I see that trend in society. So many young people are attending Vipassana camps, and many more young monks are visible in society. Many youngsters are following their passion. It's heartening to see young couples give each other space and help each other explore their potential. It's good to see everyone taking care of themselves. I think that is the future of relationships. Not leaning on the other person for support or exploiting them, but rather two people exploring their own lives and supporting each other emotionally and intellectually as they pursue their dreams. After all, any good relationship can't be based on a social narrative, fear, attachment, or even ambition. A good relationship is always based on love, which is impossible unless each person learns to stand alone.
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