Modern life is full of stress. You talk to anybody, whether working or not, whether in a job or in business, whether living in a small city or a metro, whether married or single; everybody is equally stressed. Why? Because most of us want to "become" somebody. A student wants to become a graduate; a civil services aspirant wants to become an officer; an unmarried man wants to become a husband; a poor person wants to become rich; a powerless person wants to become powerful; a stupid person wants to become intelligent; and an unrealised person wants to become enlightened.
Seeking makes us work. We work hard and get exhausted. So what's the problem? That's the way the world works. That's why society appreciates achievers. That's why different awards are announced every year. We motivate our children to work hard so they can achieve different milestones. Yes, of course. But do we notice something very obvious? The moment we set a target to achieve a certain outcome, two things happen for sure.
First, we feel deficient automatically. We can't set a target to earn money unless we feel short of money. We can't set a target to gather power unless we feel deficient in power. We can't set a target to enter into a relationship unless we feel deficient being alone. The more deficient we are, the more desperate we will be to achieve the target. That means that the strength of motivation to achieve a certain outcome is directly proportional to the degree of deficiency. Second, outcome targets are always based on our perception of the world at the time we set them. As we grow, our perception of the world changes, and that's why, unless we evaluate our targets constantly, we risk ending up disappointed.
Any intelligent person will see that when we set a target to become, we create sorrow at two different levels. First, we make ourselves feel deficient. Unless we make that mental story of being deficient, and unless that story is really strong, we don't have enough motivation to do the hard work and face the testing moments on the way. That means that until we reach the intended outcome, we will hold on to the mental story of being insufficient. And imagine what will happen after reaching the target. We will just realise that the story we held so dear to our heart was actually out of sync with reality. We thought the outcome would make us happy, but along the way we got exposed, and now we no longer feel happy with the same outcome. Isn't it the story of every human being on this Earth? So, we suffered during the process due to the mental story of being deficient, and even after reaching the goal post, we feel cheated.
That's why we always remain stressed. What's the way out? Very simple. We just need to find out which actions we enjoy. Once we enjoy the process, we don't need to hold on to any story of being deficient. If I write this blog because I enjoy writing, I don't need to achieve any milestone. I don't need appreciation or likes. I don't need followers. I enjoy the process of writing, and that's why half an hour or forty minutes of writing the blog gives me immense joy. Since I don't have a target in mind, there is no question of disappointment either because I can't achieve it or because I realise its futility after achieving it. The more time I spend with the same spirit, enjoying the process, the more my life will be full of joy. It just requires rethinking the fundamental questions "Who am I?" and "Why have I come to this Earth?" The outcome-centred people will answer that I am an aspirant who aspires to become "X". Process-centred people will answer that I am what I am, and I am here to enjoy what I do. That makes all the difference. When one takes joy in the process, there is no question of stress.
Does that mean we should take joy in everything we do? Does that mean that there is no choice when it comes to action? Not at all. There is always a choice. But what matters is the genesis of choice. Is this choice coming from the desire to reach a goal post, or from a realisation that we are complete? When we go to the office and do the work, our motivation may come from the desire for a promotion or a certain award. On the contrary, motivation may also come from a willingness to apply our mental faculties to find the best possible solution, from love and compassion for the people we work for, or from the drive to create something new. An author who takes joy in writing will choose to write the most meaningful and creative pieces rather than write for money or recognition. Of course, he will not choose to write a bad piece. A wise person will always choose meaningful discussions rather than time-wasting debates that lead nowhere. People living a process-centred life make choices every moment that are guided by love and exploration. So, stress seems closely tied to the most fundamental life choice.
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