We are all free to choose, yet we feel trapped. People want to do so many things in life but don't because of their responsibilities. Someone has to take care of the family, someone has to educate the siblings, someone has to marry them, and someone has to take care of the parents. Most people struggle to live their dream life at first and give up too soon. Everybody has his own Kaaash. Kaash I had ventured out of my city and set up a business in a metro; I would not have been so confined. Kaash I had married the girl I liked; I would be living happily today. Kaash I had spent more time studying in school; I would have had a good job.
Everybody has one or the other "Kaash". I wish I had done this. Nobody can bring the past time back. Nobody has an option to go back to the past and change the decision. That's why that's not so important. But what if the decision I am taking today will become a kaash tomorrow. There is a very beautiful song picturised on Rajesh Kahanna, which says:
सुबहो आती है रात जाती है
सुबहो आती है रात जाती है यूँ ही
वक़्त चलता ही रहता है रुकता नहीं
एक पल में ये आगे निकल जाता है
आदमी ठीक से देख पाता नहीं
और परदे पे मंज़र बदल जाता है
एक बार चले जाते हैं जो दिन रात सुबहो शाम
वो वो फिर नहीं आते वो फिर नहीं आते
ज़िन्दगी के सफ़र में गुज़र जाते हैं जो मकाम
वो फिर नहीं आते वो फिर नहीं आते
We all understand these words, and most people my age have already experienced them. We've all seen those moments that change our lives. Yet, when it comes to making decisions in the present moment, we are always so sure. Every time we make a decision, we feel so sure that we never think this overconfidence might give rise to another "Kaash" tomorrow. Why do kids not study when it is time to put in their best at college, just to feel "Kaash main padh liya hota" at a later date? You keep telling a friend not to have suspicion in relationship, and yet he doesn't understand just to spoil his relationship and later carry that "Kaash maine shak nahi kiya hota" all through his life.
Why are people so confident? My take is that it is because we are in a hurry to "become". Society sets the narrative that life is a waste unless we become something. Depending on our family, society, and friend circle, we start believing one narrative over another. We set goals that can range from something as instinctive as "continue to be a part of a gang of friends and do whatever to be in that group" to "become a billionaire or minister". The human brain has a great capacity. It can extrapolate reality. For example, read the following:
"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mseh and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."
Even though the words don't make sense, our brain can still
make sense of the whole paragraph.
This phenomenon is known as typoglycemia. Our brain doesn't read sentences letter by letter. Instead, it acts like a predictive text processor. It looks at the first and last letters, measures the word's overall shape and length, and relies on the surrounding sentence context to guess the correct word. The brain does this to survive. While driving, working in an office, or living in society, it often lacks complete information and must make decisions; to do that, it has to approximate. It has to make the best possible guess to reach the destination quickly.
That's probably why we tend to feel sure of our decisions in the moments we make them. That makes sense for survival. If a person is confused in a crisis, say, an earthquake, a few seconds' delay in deciding may be fatal. That's why we have to trust the body. We have to trust our instincts. However, this habit can be dangerous in many situations and may lead to that feeling of "Kaash". When we judge a friend too quickly, we spoil the relationship. When making a decision, we don't listen to a friend's sound advice because we are in a hurry. We invest in the stock market just going by the trend and lose all our money.
If it is so natural, there seems to be no way to get past this behaviour. Is that really so? I don't think so. Just a little analysis of self. The moment we analyse the self, the meaning of who we are, that "certainty" of being right starts loosening its grip on us. When we switch off the lights in our room and look out at the sky, we realise our brain's limitations. The moment we realise how limited we are before the cosmos, the same "certainty" takes over. The problem is that "Sultan" hasn't practised in the field for long, so a comparatively weak opponent still looks formidable. As we practise awareness in every moment, the "certainty" of our belief systems, biases, and conclusions about life slowly disappear, giving way to reality. When we live with awareness, there is no room for "Kaash". An aware brain does not chase stories. It settles for nothing less than truth, and in truth, "Kaash" has no space.
Comments