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"Feel good" is rarely "feel free"

 The moment this consciousness takes the form of a body, the ego is born. The ego is nothing but a sense of separation. We feel different from the rest of the universe. We don't want to die and will go to any extent to protect this body. As we grow, we form complex correlations between this survival and different things. First of all, the ego feels that certain relationships, such as parents, siblings, and friends, are necessary for survival, and that's how we become deeply "attached" to them. We can't think of losing any of them. Then we realise that there are many more things necessary for our survival in this world, and that's when the ego forms deep attachments to money, positions, wealth, social image, and self-image. We still feel vulnerable. The whole bunch of attachments, too, does not make us feel safe, and then we start believing in certain thoughts, such as the existence of God, the theory of karma, and the concept of the afterlife, to add that extra layer of security. Where all our possessions fail to keep us safe, nothing to worry about; the accumulated good karma will save us. Even if that does not happen, it is due to past karmas, and since we have repaid the past-life debts, we are set for a happy and fulfilling next life.

The ego plays millions of tricks to ensure its survival. Even the biggest of Yogis have not been able to get past the ego. The greatest of yogis get caught in the "great illusion". Somebody will develop the desire to form a big ashram, somebody will try to satiate lust, and somebody will try to become powerful in the name of spirituality. We have seen hundreds of controversies in recent times as well. The "great illusion" is not easy to overcome. Even Ramakrishna Paramhanse took quite a while to move past his belief that "Kali" had a specific form until Totapuri Maharaj made him do the same.

If the whole of the consciousness is one field with no separation, and the same consciousness manifests in the form of different individuals, why don't all of us feel the same? Why do we feel different from each other and try to maintain our individuality, sometimes in the name of religion, sometimes in the name of nation, sometimes in the name of family, and sometimes in the name of self-respect? The short, precise answer is that the whole world is full of threats. We feel threatened since "others" in this world are driven by insecurity and fear, and out of that fear and insecurity, they have become quite aggressive. So aggresive that they will not mind harming other individuals and that's why we feel like protecting ourselves. For that protection, we need to accumulate resources. If we don't save money for my children's education, who will sponsor them? The more aggression we experience in this world, the more vulnerable we feel and the stronger our reactions to situations.

What is the alternative? There is no readymade solution for this crisis. I think that the foundation for "aware living" has to be laid very early in life. Unless a child is aware from the very beginning and learns to question everything, he soon acquires certain influences from his parents' reactions and responses. This world appears to him to be a battlefield, and he develops his own "winning formula" to win the battle in the form of wealth, relationships, positions, power, belief, social-mage, or self-image, and tries to fight the battle using that formula. If it does not work in certain situations, he tries to gather more, and the "more" is endless. That's how our entire life is spent in this race. The precious gift is lost in ignorance. Not so that we do not realise the value of love and freedom, but fear takes over. 

The moment we try to read a good book by a great author, the fear of being examined takes over, and we skip it. The moment we meet someone we really like to explore with, the fear of social validation takes over, and we do not gather the courage to flow. Unless somebody is aware from the very beginning, we would form many attachments with different people, tangible and intangible things, since our childhood, and whenever we feel like flowing with love and freedom, all these attachments will turn out to be barriers in our progress, and we will have to break free of them. It's not easy because all these bonds are formed in a deep state of ignorance, when the ego feels quite vulnerable, and every time we interact in this insecure society, these attachments are glorified, and anyone who drops them is ridiculed as a loser. It is not easy to stay without any such support in this vulnerable world. That can happen only when one is fully connected internally and aware. All these attachments are stored in the deep unconscious mind, which has a very close connection to sensations in different parts of our bodies. That's why watching each sensation in different parts of the body with equanimity is the key to living life with love and freedom. Till the time sensations drive our life, we are driven by the same attachments. "Feel good" is rarely "feel free". 


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