I was reading the book "The Other Side of Happiness" by Brock Bastian, and I could relate to many of its ideas. First, pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin. We feel pleasure when we feel pain. For example, the author gives an example: after tiring treks for many days, when the trekkers sit in a Sulphur hot spring with not such a good quality of air, they feel blissful because they are absolutely tired. But if they keep sitting there the next day too, they will start to notice the foul smell of the Sulphur and the low quality of the beer they drink while sitting there.
Another thing that the author mentions is that we have panic attacks because somehow we resist the experience. That's why the body is in fight-or-flight mode, and when we forcefully encounter such experiences, or even before encountering such experiences, we have a panic attack. I, too, used to experience the same when I accompanied my father to his clinic. Some children or adults with a very small wound will shout a lot, while others with a much bigger wound will come naturally and feel less pain.
Many of us have panic attacks before a crucial examination, meeting, or presentation. Why? Generally, it does not depend on the level of preparation. We often see that children with poor preparation are relatively calm, while some children who have actually worked hard really panic. It all depends upon the importance we assign to the marks. If we associate all our future dreams with that marksheet, we will have a panic attack, whatever be the level of preparation. If we attach anything that is very dear to us, the self-image of being a topper, the ambition to get admission to a good university, the dream of going abroad to study, the responsibility of doing something for the family, a desire to come out of the miserable situations by getting a job- we feel panic. What matters is how much importance that examination carries in our framework of life. It applies equally to anything and everything. We will get a panic attack if that examination, meeting, or performance has a significant bearing on our framework of life.
That's why people have panic attacks at the office when their bosses throw tantrums. They have given a lot of importance to their office life within their overall framework. They have probably developed a strong dependence on their office life for whatever they want to do in life, and that's why bosses' appraisals matter a lot. That's why bosses' mood swings trigger panic attacks. A similar thing happens in relationships. When we get a crisis in a relationship, we get panic attacks. Why? Because relationships are quite central to the framework of life. We don't know how to live without close relationships. That's why, when we learn about a crisis involving the health issues of a close relative, or when we experience a crisis in a relationship, we get panic attacks.
So what's the solution? Probably there is only one solution. To zoom out a little and examine life from a wider perspective. To contemplate the purpose of life not through the glasses that society has made us wear since childhood, but by taking them off. To enquire into the meaning of life. To see that Kabir's life was so meaningful, not because he set a very difficult target and achieved the same. But because he could see the futility of many things and dropped them. He just lived fearlessly because he did not hold on to many of the things we all hold on to. He did not run away from family life; rather, he contemplated the meaning of life, and as he saw life in all its grandeur, he understood the futility of many things and did not fear losing them. Awareness is the key. When we lose awareness, even shadows may give us a heart attack.
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