A broken relationship that was very close to our heart, the loss of a near and dear, a severe financial crisis, a divorce proceeding, prolonged litigation, a long spell of disease with many rounds of painful treatment in a depressing hospital, or loss of social reputation- all these things and many more make us feel that life is worthless. We want to leave the world. It appears as if we have attained Vairagya from Samsara. We don't mind calling a spade a spade. An unusual energy, out-of-the-world courage and rebellion become an integral part of our personality. And then we meet somebody who feels like a breath of fresh air and sweet music in our ears, and then we set another target; we again want to become somebody; we again want to possess something, and life becomes full of meaning. Till we realise the inner hollowness of the same.
That's why the feeling of Vairagya in a state of low is generally very deceptive. Generally, it lasts only until we get the next target. There are layers and layers of desires. Since childhood, we see the people around us and society. The importance of so many things is imprinted on our minds. Good looks, colour, money, positions, relationships, power, self-image, knowledge, beliefs, and so many more things. These are imprinted quite deeply in our psyche, and therefore they keep coming back in one form or another.
I feel that one can develop Vairagya in two situations. First, when we see through the utility of all the things that carry a lot of importance in life. That may happen to a few people. But generally, such seeing through is partial, and that's why it is very limited. We see through one relationship but then cling more tightly to the other. We see through the self-image of being good but then cling to the self-image of being intelligent. We see through one belief system and then cling to the other. I don't think that's going to help. Seeing through external things and relationships completely is something very profound and quite rare.
Second, we may look inside. We may realise the hidden treasure inside. We may get to see how the genesis of the whole matter lies in consciousness. Not at the level of thoughts. That's not going to take us anywhere, but rather to the level of realisation. When we somehow get to experience moments when thoughts are still, and we can observe our whole body as a playground where different players are playing their game, and we have no sides to take, and watch the game of different players absolutely without taking any side, with complete attention. In those moments, we get to appreciate the game of the brilliant players. We get to see that team after team keeps playing their games on the same playground. The playground remains unaffected by the players. In those moments, we realise that winning and losing the game is just relative. Which side you take and which team you back. When we do not choose the team we support, the game becomes very interesting to watch. That choiceless observation brings Vairagya. Vairagya which is not partial. Vairagya, which is not a reaction. But this can't happen in the domain of thoughts. Thoughts always take sides. Thoughts always divide the whole into two parts, and as we take the side of one of those, we move away from reality. An electron is a wave only until observed.
Comments