I was listening to the famous song often known as "500 Miles" or the "Railroaders' Lament," the classic folk song written by Hedy West in 1961 (and famously recorded by Peter, Paul and Mary). It is a melancholic reflection on loneliness, deep homesickness, and the pride or shame of a traveller who left home and failed to strike it rich. The "hundred miles" in the recurring line emphasises the vast, echoing emotional and physical distance separating the singer from everything they know and love.
https://youtu.be/7oGwOiQsjso?si=j40rPl85jqbZAG3I
I really don't know which home we're talking about. The home from which all of us have come to this Earth. Which we don't even remember. The more miles we move away from that home, the more we are full of deep homesickness, and at the same time filled with pride or shame. Pride of being an "individual" who has his own unique existence, an identity, which we are proud of. I am a CA, an officer, a father, a son, a recipient of so many awards, an intelligent person, a handsome guy, and so on. But the pride comes with shame. Despite achieving all the milestones in life, we feel hollow from the inside. We carry the shame of having come 500 miles away from home to prove ourselves and yet feel so hollow from inside.
Sometimes, the heart says very strongly Let's leave that False pride" and return to home. But then the brain jumps in and convinces us that we have to fight the battle of life. We can't be a loser. We have to win the battle we left home to fight for. We never allow ourselves to ask whether that battle was truly needed. As Atal ji wrote:
क्या खोया, क्या पाया जग में
मिलते और बिछुड़ते मग में
मुझे किसी से नहीं शिकायत
यद्यपि छला गया पग-पग में
एक दृष्टि बीती पर डालें, यादों की पोटली टटोलें।
I don't know whether we can ever calculate what we gained and what we lost in the process because it's all very subjective. However, there is only one problem with awareness. Once we are aware, we can't pretend to be ignorant. Once we see the futility of battle, it is very difficult to fight a battle even for a day. Bhima is very convinced of the battle because he wants to kill Duryodhana and Dushasana. However, Arjuna is confused. He does not want to fight the battle anymore. He needs the awareness of the larger purpose that only Krishna can show him. Once somebody understands that, 100 miles or 500 miles makes no difference. There is no pride or shame. He just wants to go to a land where there is no pride or shame.
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