When we look at children on the street with no resources, all of us feel like doing something for them. When we go to a hospital oncology ward and see the patients fighting cancer, we feel as if we could do something for them. When we see the rotten systems all around us, we feel as if we could do something to set them right. When we see the rivers so dirty, all of us feel equally desperate to clean them. Then? We get busy with our family. We take our attention away from those children, patients, rotten systems, and the rivers, and just focus on our children. Somehow our conscious mind rationalises that too much sensitivity is dangerous. We shift the focus to two children, or a few more.
Buddha's father tries to keep him away from reality. He would not allow young Siddhartha to meet the old people, go to the crematorium, or meet poor people. He would try to fill his life with all kinds of wealth and pleasures. Yet, young Siddhartha was so sensitive that a few incidents of contact with reality rekindled his soul's sensitivity, and he left his home and family and started his journey into the forests to search for a solution to his suffering.
The moment we enter this body, we feel vulnerable. This body demands food and safety. It needs shelter and clothes. More than these physical things, it wants a certain degree of psychological comfort. That feeling of "being safe". We feel psychologically safe when our actions are approved by society. All of us have experienced that when we are in the midst of a group discussion, and the group endorses a particular view; we stay silent, even if we do not agree with that view. Because we do not wish to be ostracised. Approval of the group is important. Despite being highly educated, we will keep doing some stupid rituals. People will not shave on a particular day or buy iron on a particular day. We will often play to the gallery in our social interactions. Why? Because we want to feel safe and approved by society.
Taking care of family is a mixed bundle of emotions. The human brain has a lot of mirror neurons. Leading neurologist V. Ramachandran introduced this concept. Mirror neurons help us mirror whatever we see. Mirror neurons help a child learn language, walking, and talking. Children learn these things by mirroring what they see, which is why children born in India learn Indian languages and children born in China learn Chinese. When we look at the children on the street and patients suffering from cancer, we mirror their suffering and want to do something for them. But as we grow, we learn to drop this sensitivity and focus on our goal and ambition. Why do we get fixed on the well-being of a few family members? First, we realise that we have limited resources and can't make any difference to the lives of the children on the street, cure patients, set the systems right, or clean the rivers. Second, we develop more and more fear. We maintain a distance from reality. In that state of disconnection, our brains cook up a lot of stories. "I don't want my children to suffer like the street children". "I will earn money so that they do not suffer and get the best education". "I will save a lot of money for them so that they will be safe in the event of a crisis". Third, society approves this madness, and that's why we feel elated by society's applause. Fourth, we feel safe with that growing bond within the family, knowing we will be taken care of during a crisis. With more and more of this, the inner sensitivity is lost.
So, what's wrong with this? Nothing. Except the thing that fortifying our lives like this makes us more and more disconnected from the people around us. We become more and more hollow from within. Because we get disconnected from the core. That is why we often find the wealthiest and most powerful people quite hollow from the inside. We know that many celebrities take sleeping pills. We know that many powerful people take treatment for stress, depression, and so many mental disorders. We have never addressed the root cause of fear. The root cause of the fear is ignorance. Ignorance of the reality within. Rather than looking within, we look out and try to make ourselves and our family members through worldly means. The more we accumulate these means, the more we feel hollow inside. That inner sensitivity always warns us that something is wrong, like a traffic signboard warning about the speed limit. But we are so thrilled to drive on the expressway that we miss those signals until we meet an accident. The worst thing we do in the process is that we make our children also addicted to the same thrill before they can connect to that sensitivity.
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