We read so many theories about the meaning of life. However, the best lessons for life come from relationships. It's easy to maintain an arm's length distance in relationships. In fact, we do the same in most relationships. Even if we find such relationships irritating, that irritation lasts only a few moments or, at best, a few days, and we know that at the end of that period, we are not answerable. Many a time, we manage the show by pretension. Just be good on the face of the relative, and then you get a license to say whatever you want. We vent our frustration when the relative leaves home. People also make excuses and tell lies. When a relative seeks help, they will make all sorts of excuses for why they can't get it.
However, these "arm-length relationships" do not make us happy. At best, they provide some degree of security based on the principles of reciprocation and nothing beyond that. Human life is not about security. Yes, we need to be secure and safe to live. But being safe and secure is just the starting point. Consciousness has not taken the form of a human being just to be safe and secure. Its fundamental drive is to love and be loved. At the core, all human beings share the same consciousness; however, realising this oneness while in the form of the human body is quite exciting. For that to happen, we need to open up with our partner. We need to reveal the deepest of our secrets. We need to dissolve the boundaries. Then only can we connect with our partner at a level where there is no difference between us.
Most people try that but fail miserably. At some stage, their hidden fears surface and they develop ego boundaries. It's a very difficult process. Fortifying the self is easy. We feel safe, but at the same time, we feel lonely. As we open up our boundaries, we become vulnerable but, at the same time, connected to the other. When the other person hurts, we feel bad and wanna refortify ourselves. Then we feel lonely again and also miss that experience of union. It is a very difficult process, which is why most realised souls choose to live alone or take sanyas. It's difficult to find somebody who is equally fearless and willing to explore. If we find someone, we experience constructive interference with that person, and the entire journey becomes extremely joyful. However, we are often unable to find such a person because our unconscious mind is full of fears we are not even conscious of.
Thousands of Arm's length relationships do not match one such deep relationship. We also realise that oneness comes from exploring what we love to explore. A scientist may feel that oneness when he explores the deepest secrets of nature. An artist may feel one with nature while making a sculpture or painting. A poet may feel that union when he writes something in a state of flow. This may so happen when the exploration is not a drive of the ego, but rather when it is a drive of the inner potential. The same consciousness within us has manifested, say, five per cent of its possibility, and we identify with that 5% and set a target for achievement and work all through our lives towards the achievement of that target. That's neither love nor exploration. That's just a play of ego. When we have this realisation of the limitations of the known, and we set ourselves free of the biases and beliefs based on the known, we flow with nature. Nature reveals its deepest secrets to us. When we enter into a relationship with the same curiosity and drive for exploration, to know, and not to prove what we already know, we enjoy that relationship and the process of growth through that. We grow each day. Relationships are not about give and take; rather, they are about exploring together.
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