Today, while sitting in meditation, something struck me. One thought after the other, one sensation after the other, keeps us occupied. For example, when a thought about incomplete office work comes to mind, the mind starts thinking about it and plans to complete it at the earliest. When the thought of the ITR filing comes to mind, the mind starts planning for tax payment. Every thought takes us away from the present moment, and we move either into the past or the future. Every thought is like watching a movie on the screen. Once the movie is finished, we come out of the movie hall, having done nothing and exactly in the same position where we started from. Similarly, while thinking, we feel very occupied, but at the end of that, we stand exactly at the same place where we started.
The mind projects movies one after the other. Some movies are very entertaining, full of nice experiences from the past. A good friend is coming to visit, and we will recall the good times we shared and feel happy. What has changed in the present moment? Nothing. The same office worries and the same issues to handle during the day, yet we feel happy recalling past memories. Some movies are horror movies. The mind will project on the screen the apprehensions about the future, fears of losing the near and dear ones, and so on. We still like to watch these movies despite them being frightening. We still entertain these thoughts. Why? Why do we watch horror movies? It is because they make us ready to fight by secreting adrenaline in our bodies, and we like that feeling. We put on the hero's shoes and fight the battle. Similarly, when our mind projects thoughts about future uncertainties and the loss of near and dear ones, we entertain these thoughts because we like the rush of adrenaline in our blood.
Sometimes, there is another reason for fixation on these thoughts. We are too apprehensive about the future that we can't wait for the reality to unfold. I recall that in our childhood, when we used to watch Ramayana and Mahabharata, we would desperately wait for the next episode to see the hero win the battle. It is because we identify very strongly with the hero. We identify very strongly with the hero within us as well, i.e. the ego. It somehow wants to win the battle. It is so obsessed with the outcome that it will not leave us free, even while sitting for meditation, and brings all the worries and anxieties when we close our eyes.
We may keep watching these movies all through our lives, and nothing will move on the ground. Ground is all about action. Now, these actions may also be guided by thoughts. The thought that something might go wrong during the presentation may keep us from attending the meeting. The thought that somebody is conspiring against us may make us break the relationship with that person. The belief that a promotion will make us happy may make us work hard for it. The thought that someone may be useful to us can lead us into sycophancy. We may keep watching one movie after another, and our real-life actions may be heavily influenced by these movies. On the other hand, we may also see these movies as just movies and get real. Reality is integrated and not fragmented like movies. Every human being has all the shades of grey. However, for that integration to happen and to be able to see holistically, one has to come out of the movie hall. But the movies are so thrilling, entertaining, and interesting that it takes quite a lot of effort to leave the hall.
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