Is it possible to have integrity without love? We value integrity a lot. If there is no discrepancy between a person's thoughts, words, and actions, and he is not trying to hide anything, we consider such a person to be high in integrity. Of course, Ram was high on integrity. When Kaikeyi asked King Dashratha to tell Rama to go to the forest as a fulfilment of one of his boons, Rama had no hesitation and decided to leave Ayodhya immediately, despite the whole of Ayodhya and King Dashratha himself requesting that he should not go to the forest.
What about Ravan? He is also high on integrity. He worked hard to get all the powers he had. He gathered knowledge of all types so that he could analyse everything to the core. He did not mince his words when he kidnapped Sita. he made an open offer to marry Sita and actually wanted to marry her and keep her happy. When his sister was insulted by Sita, he decided to take revenge and fought Ram till his last breath. His thoughts, words, and actions matched completely.
Integrity will probably always be a problem for people who are weak. They will not be upfront. The boss assigns work, and the subordinate feels it is unfair for the boss to assign it to him after office hours. If he is high on integrity, he will say it upfront to the boss. If he lacks integrity, he will think the boss is wrong and abuse him behind his back, but praise him in front of others or keep mum. On the other hand, a person high on integrity will either tell the boss how he feels up front or do the work without any grudge. A lack of integrity is a sign of weak character and inherent fear. When the subordinate is afraid of consequences, he will pretend to be happy. Ravan was not afraid, and that's why he was upfront.
Integrity without love may be quite dangerous. Love is very different from possession. Generally, people feel that they love somebody, and that's why they have the right to possess them. A boy feels that he loves a girl and therefore he has a right to possess that girl, and if that girl denies, he has a right to throw acid on his face. Is that love? A person feels that he loves a bird, and that's why he has the right to confine the freedom of a bird and to cage that bird. Is that love? A husband feels that he loves his wife and therefore he has a right to intrude into the privacy of his wife. Is that love?
Can an ego-centric person ever love? An ego-centric person's whole existence revolves around their ego. He wants to protect his self-image at any cost. He wants to be comfortable and safe. He wants to place his desirable self-image in the minds of people around him. People should consider me to be wise, intelligent, resourceful, powerful, and helpful. An ego-centric person is always in a mode of trading. Trading the image of being good by spending money on donations. Trading the image of being a good husband by listening to the unacceptable demands of his spouse. Trading the image of being a good employee by listening to the unreasonable demands of the employer. Some self-centred persons are more direct and upfront. They want to earn money by hook or by crook, and they do not want to hide behind the self-image of being good. They have very transactional relationships and do not want to waste time on image-building. That way, they are high on integrity.
How will we realise what we really are unless there is love at the core of our existence, we see the "ego" or "I" from a distance, understand how limited that "I" is, and learn how to come out of the prison of "I"? Unless we realise what we really are, how will we connect to the other? The ego is just an agent of the "self"; unless the agent has the principal's authority, how will it bind the principal? Generally, the ego is quite disconnected from the enormity of existence. Integrity without that inner connection is quite hollow, and that's why this world has been damaged more by people with hollow integrity than by those with no integrity. Such hollow integrity takes sides, forms beliefs, divides the world into religions, castes, nations, and regions. Bhishma's integrity towards Hastinapur, without awareness of the whole of Dharma, became the cause of the battle of Kurukshetra. When we love somebody or something, we want to know the whole of that. When we love ourselves, we want to know the whole of "self"; when we love a game, we want to know all the nitty-gritty details; when we love somebody, we want to merge completely. With that, complete awareness emerges: integrity, which is natural, spontaneous, and not purposeful just to reach some goalpost of the ego.
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