When Akrura ji went to invite Krishna to Mathura, Krishna was happy playing with his friends in Brij. What would have gone through the mind of the young child? On the one hand are Ma Yashoda, Baba Nand, and all the friends. On the other hand, there is some possibility that is quite hazy. How would one choose that dim possibility over what Krishna already had with him? Why do we choose to get unsettled when we are well settled in our lives?
But what is the essence of life? Settlement? In that case, rocks and mountains are also settled. The atoms making the human body are also settled. Where is the need for so many atoms to come together and make cells and organelles, neurons, tissue, bones, and so many different organs and make all of them function as if they are one? Why do the settled atoms make a body that is highly vulnerable? It is because they wish to explore possibilities that cannot be explored at the atomic level. Why do we leave the settled life in a small town and move towards cities where everyday living may also be a struggle? It is because we want to explore something that is not offered by the small town.
When I look back at myself, I would never have imagined who I am today in 1996, when I decided to write the CA foundation exam. At best, I imagined that after 3-4 years, I would earn a degree in CA and secure a job somewhere near my hometown. The biggest of dreams were also very limited at that time. In fact, I did not even know an iota about the civil services. Even when I decided to appear for the civil services in 2002, as I was about to complete my CA, I hardly knew anything about the possibilities. I just thought that if I came to the Income-tax Department, I would be better off than if I went with a CA. Today, I have worked as an IRS officer for 20 years across many of the Department's divisions. Today, looking back, I would never have imagined these possibilities in 2002.
I feel that the major decisions in our lives are actually not based on information. We actually do not make choices. To make choices, we need complete information and, even more importantly, awareness of what we want in our lives. But neither do we have complete information about the options, nor do we have a clear sense of what we want in our lives. We do not have complete information because many factors influence the outcome. That's why we can never be sure of the options. How can we ever have complete information about the career we want to choose or the person we want to marry? It is because the career is also constantly changing. Both CA and Civil Services have undergone significant changes since I chose them. People change from the day we decide to enter into a relationship to a few years later. Every living system is constantly changing. Second, our own likes and dislikes are also constantly changing. Our present-day likes are based on the limited growth we have done so far.
That's why, when Krishna chose to go to Mathura, he would not have done so based on his likes and dislikes, or on a calculation of the good and bad of the two options. Rather, his sense of freedom would have been so strong that he would have had no choice but to go to Mathura and set his parents free from Kansa's prison. When we connect with life, we hold fundamental values such as freedom and love in such high esteem that the question of letting them go does not arise. There is no choice when it comes to love and freedom. Meera would drop her husband at the drop of a hat because she loves Krishna. Bhagat Singh would have no choice but to sacrifice his life for freedom. Nobody can imprison his thoughts or life.
We keep making choices when we do not have that "right connection within". Life is then full of calculations. We keep weighing the options, and as the most intelligent human beings on earth, we choose the best option, only to realise very soon that either all our calculations go wrong because life can never be predicted, or because we never had an iota of awareness about ourselves. We mistook the "brain" programmed by the social conditioning to be "self" and wasted our lives. That's why decisions like Krishna's decision to leave for Mathura can be made only when the "self" can see very clearly that it is not the "brain". Then we no longer have to make choices, and there is absolute clarity. I once read about Sri Aurobindo's experiences in jail during the freedom movement. He had a vision of Swami Vivekananda, and it became absolutely clear after that. Till that time, his brain was struggling to make a choice. However, once he saw clearly, there was no choice to make. Krishna did not make a choice. He was absolutely clear every time. It is because his self is fully aware and leaves no room for choice.
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