Some basic questions are emerging in my mind. When a child is born into a family, the parents, consciously and unconsciously, pass on their fears and insecurities to the child. They also pass on their ambitions and greed to the child. The type of food he will eat and the basic ingredients of his mindset are also passed on to him. Does that child have any choice? If he is born into a Hindu family, he will follow the Hindu religion; if into a Muslim family, he will naturally follow the Muslim religion. If he is born in a vegetarian family, he will eat vegetarian food; if born in a non-vegetarian family, he will eat non-vegetarian food. If the parents consider money the fulcrum of life, he will study hard to get a job or start a business. If parents feel he should marry to continue their lineage, he will naturally marry.
I mean to ask where the scope for
independent examination is? Since childhood, the child's mind has been conditioned.
How will the parents, who have themselves never travelled beyond a limited
frame, guide their child to examine everything independently? Their thought
process has never grown beyond what they have seen in their society. Even if
they see something that is not “normal”, they either ridicule it or tag it as
extraordinary or miraculous and create a separate category for it. This is a
natural defence system. If we accept what Rama and Krishna did in their lives as
natural, we will have to do the same things in ours. We will also have to stand
with truth, however inconvenient that may be. But that’s too much to ask. That’s
why we make them God so that we get a license to live a life full of desires
and ambitions. They were God, and we are ordinary human beings.
How will parents, with such a
mindset, inspire their children to break free of the limited framework? They will
pass on the same limited framework to their children. They have been “hollow”
all through their lives, and to run away from that hollowness, they have sought
one pleasure after another. They know nothing beyond that. They will pass on a
similar “meaning of life” to their children. They will tell their children to
work hard and study so they can get a good job and then enjoy life. Because
they have never examined reality. That’s why they continue to mistake “escapes”
for ‘reality”. They continue to mistake “pleasure” for “joy’.
Often, these parents will tell
their children that they have made big sacrifices throughout their lives to
ensure their children's well-being. Children feel indebted, and that’s why
doing something for their parents becomes their life's mission. Often, they express their dreams of having a daughter-in-law or of getting their daughter married into a good family, either explicitly or implicitly. Children get emotionally blackmailed and make
major decisions in their lives as if they are repaying the debts of their
parents.
Once they make such a major
decision, another factor is added to the already complex matrix. Now there is a
spouse and kids. They are supposed to take care of them. All social discussion
revolves around fun and pleasure, or the future of children. Where did you go on
these vacations? Where are you planning to go? Which restaurant is good? What
are the places to visit in Europe or America? Which are the good countries to
go to? What is your child planning to do? Which are the best colleges? What is
the fee structure? When to have the next party? How is your health? What is best
to do for health? How to get the best groom or bride for the kids? That is the beginning
and the end of almost all discussions in a social conversation.
The poor child, who has now
become a parent without ever having had the opportunity to understand the
meaning of life, feels responsible for everything. He has to repay his parents'
debts. He has to take care of his spouse and the kids. After all, he is a very
responsible member of society. He should feel guilty for not being able to
visit his parents last week. He should feel guilty for not taking the kids on
vacation. He should feel guilty for not making available all the “pleasures”
that his friends and neighbours have made available to their spouses. Where is the
scope for enquiry?
Suppose, by chance, he comes into
contact with an enlightened person or a self-help book that motivates him to
carry out an enquiry into the meaning of life, he would realise that he is a
bad husband, a bad child, and a bad parent. His duty is to take care of all
these people and not to understand the meaning of life. One has to retire to
understand the meaning of life, and any attempt to understand it before that
event is criminal. That’s why he will be ridiculed in every meeting and social gathering,
terming him to be “baba’ on the face, and “bhagoda” or “loser” on his back.
Wife and children will try to make him feel guilty for not giving them due
attention.
Suppose he dares to continue his
journey despite these odds; the journey itself is not easy. It's very difficult
to find an authentic person or guide. Millions of books have been written on
these aspects, and they are full of conflicts. More so because the seeker is
full of his own conditioning, and it is almost impossible for a conditioned
mind to see with clarity. Even if something is written with utmost clarity, his
mind will reject the same. His mind will show him whatever his conditioned mind
wants to listen to. Even if his conscious mind listens to see through the
reality, there is a mightier enemy. He will have to confront his own
unconscious mind, which comes disguised. It will take many different forms to
derail him from the path to reality. Fighting all these battles is not easy
because of the strong childhood conditioning.
It's not easy to be sure on the
path. He is travelling to a space which has no well-defined paths. There are
hardly any genuine guides. Most organisations are doing customer hunting in the
name of spirituality. Even if he gets the right guidance and somehow comes to
understand reality, the next challenge comes. The same family members who once
held him in high esteem will start blaming him. They will hit him below the
belt because they realise that their tool is no longer listening to their
command. He has an independent mind now, which is often different from the
mindset of society in general. That’s why he becomes very unpredictable. The
wife, kids, and parents are now worried that their investment in that tool has
gone bad. He is humiliated and mocked. People around become aggressive. They want
to humiliate him socially.
Naturally, once he comes to
understand reality, he would make every effort to communicate it to everyone. Now,
that becomes a pressure point for the family members. If you do not fulfil our
wishes, we will make sure you are unable to do whatever you want in life. There
would be tussles every day. The poor fellow will try to ensure that his spouse
and kids' lives are not affected by his decision to do something to raise
awareness in society. He wants to continue his endeavour to spread awareness so
that the next generation of kids do not go through the hell he is passing
through. However, all the “well-wishers within the home” become the biggest
obstacle in the process. They will ensure that some form of irritation is
created every day so that he cannot focus on the task at hand.
I have a few questions. What is responsibility? Is it not the responsibility of the parents to discover the meaning of life and to communicate the same to their children before they make major decisions in their lives, like career and marriage? Is it not the responsibility of every individual to observe the meaning of life? How do we get so entitled that the poor fellow called son, husband, or father should continue to work like a donkey just to satiate our desires? Isn’t it exploitation? Just because the masses have a particular mindset, why are people not allowed to think differently? Though freedom of speech, and right to life and liberty are the very foundations of our Constitution, and in fact the whole matrix of society all over the world, yet exercising that freedom seems to be the most difficult thing in this society. That’s why this society will keep suffering for many more decades to come, because it will keep suffocating and killing the liberating spirit unless it allows and supports free thinking. History shows that this society has always been moved forward by independent-minded people. Otherwise, we would have continued to believe to date that the Sun revolves around the Earth.
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