In Vipassana, the meditation technique taught by Buddha, we observe sensations in different parts of our bodies. There will be so many different types of sensations. Somewhere itching, somewhere pain, somewhere vibration, and somewhere feeling the life flow of liquid. Sensations are closely connected to feelings. Each time we feel pleasure or pain, our body stores these feelings. Thereafter, whenever we encounter any situation, these old memories stored in the body try to give us a sense of direction through sensations. Somebody cheated long ago, and we felt bad. Those feelings are stored in the body. Whenever we meet that person again, our brain recognises them, and the old bad feelings are retrieved by the body. We feel bad again. The more we think about that person, the worse we feel. Body sensations are trying to make us feel bad so that we maintain a distance from that person. It's a self-defence mechanism.
Similarly, a boy and a girl like each other, and somehow their families are not in agreement. The boy and the girl may have very strong feelings of wanting to possess each other. They would have had dreams of living together. Whenever they dream, they will have pleasant sensations in their bodies. Whenever they met, they would think of living together, and pleasant memories would come back. At the same time, whenever they interact with their families, they will apprehend the shattering of their dreams. Obviously, these thoughts will create unpleasant memories in their body. That's why every time they think about resistance from their family, they experience those unpleasant sensations. But underlying those emotions and sensations are also feelings of attachment to their families. That's why they will have a mix of emotions and sensations. The longer the period of conflict, the more complex the interplay of sensations and emotions.
Emotions and sensations are our biggest defence systems. For example, if we had an accident in a lift, each time we get into it, we would feel uncomfortable. That's the body's defence mechanism, making us aware of danger. It increases our chances of survival. However, these emotions and sensations are very intimately linked to the "I" or "ego". The "I" feels threatened every time we get into the lift in which we met with an accident, or every time we meet that person who cheated us, or every time we meet our family members who are resisting the love marriage. Similarly, every time we meet the person we like or watch the movie we like, the "I" feels safe. The question is whether these feelings and sensations of pleasure or pain have anything to do with spirituality?
Almost every spiritual organisation performs many rituals. So do all the religions. We feel good while carrying out these rituals. The question is whether the joy we experience while carrying out these rituals also falls within the domain of emotions and bodily sensations, or is it something beyond that? The stronger our sense of "I", the more of our actions will be driven by sensations and emotions. Is there some way to examine? Yes. Of course. Suppose somebody has a very strong belief in one religion and its rituals. The test of spiritual strength is our reaction to the rituals of other religions. If the purpose of each religion is to realise truth, and truth is the same, then we will be able to see through the facade. We will be able to dive deep into the essence of each religion and each spiritual organisation. We will not be caught in the divisions. That's what Ramakrishna Paramhansa did. For him, the most crucial thing was the realisation of truth, and that's why he explored Tantrik practices with Bhairavi Brahmani and Islam with the Sufi saint Govind Roy. He could practice Advaita with Totapuri Maharaj and finally could get past his own image of Kali to delve deeper into spirituality.
Its not easy to get past this "I". There are three broad methods people try. The Bhakti marga, wherein we surrender ourselves to the divine. Most people claim to do bhakti by praying to God for their well-being. We feel that we have visited a temple, mosque, or church, sung a song to praise God, or followed a ritual or fasted, and connected with the divine. In most cases, we use all these things just as tools to perpetuate "I". That's why we become "angry" when God does not listen to our demands. When something happens that is not to our liking. Is it really Bhakti? How would a bhakta ever know what's good for him? How will the limited "I" ever know what's good for it? Only when "I" is unconditionally and completely willing to surrender to the divine, can there be Bhakti. We have one beautiful example of Bhakti in the form of Hanumana.
The other way is Karma Yoga. We try to unite with the divine through our work. We drop the sense of doer-ship and act as agents of the divine. This is again not easy. The moment we do some work, the "I" within wants a reward in the form of remuneration, appreciation, or validation. Sometimes we seek explicit rewards, but most of these demands are more subtle. The other person should feel obliged. We give a ten-rupee note to a beggar and want to see that smile on his face, a sign of gratitude. I fail to understand who the beggar really is. Is it the beggar who is begging money, or is it we who are begging for that sense of achievement of having made some difference to the life of a person?
The third way is Jnana Yoga, in which we seek to understand the nature of reality and the divine. The moment we know the divine, the "I" will melt. The moment the Moon knows that it has no light of its own and that all the light visible on the earth is just a reflection of the Sun's light, it will become very humble, and the sense of "I " will disappear. However, most of the time, we read a few scriptures or learn certain techniques and become arrogant. We develop that sense of achievement. The moon knows that it does not have any light of its own and develops the arrogance of being intelligent and starts looking at the satellites of the other planets, "you poor fellows, you don't know what I know, and therefore I deserve to be respected for that intelligence". What a stupidity.
Melting the sense of "I" is not easy. At least until we are busy with one or the other pursuits of the go. Mostly, we are just on a covert mission of ego-aggrandisement in the name of a spiritual journey. Mostly, we try to enhance the sense of self-righteousness, self-image, or social image in the name of pursuing spirituality. Sometimes it is as low as getting some material benefits through prayers. That's why there are two wings of Vipassana through which one tries to fly. One is observation, and the other equanimity. One has to observe all the sensations in different parts of the body and then remain equanimous. Like a sea watching waves on its surface to realise the depth of its own existence. As the sea realises the depths of its being, it loses fixation on the "ego". It has a complete understanding of the vastness of the divine and the smallness of the "ego". It acts in this world with the sense of agency. It understands that whatever it knows is too little compared to reality. With that realisation, one grows constantly rather than sitting in the seat of judgement, passing verdicts on rights and wrongs.
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