Skip to main content

Can Companions have Different Locus?

 If two individuals have different loci, can they ever form a good companionship? What if one feels that the locus of life is entertainment and fun, while the other feels that the locus of life is the welfare of the family? One feels that locus is excellence, while the other feels that locus is getting good marks. One feels that locus is achieving the target, while the other feels that locus is following the rules. One feels that the locus is wealth, while the other feels it is social service. One feels that locus is spiritual evolution, while the other feels that locus is materialistic development. 

The conflict will be visible in almost every conversation and every decision. It is because we are the sum total of our thought processes. Our thought process reflects our understanding of life. I found the following video of Dr Alok Pandey from Sri Aurobindo Ashram to be quite interesting:

https://youtu.be/UtF4OLUptWE?si=Qax7lhKqwU7nnuHf

All of us have quite different views on life. Different people react quite differently to the same event. For example, take a classic case of a grand marriage ceremony. For somebody, it may be an opportunity to have good food. For some, it may be a good opportunity to meet family members. For some, it may be a place to flaunt wealth and power. For some, it may also be just a burdensome social obligation. It will all depend upon the locus of the person. We perceive almost every event in our lives differently depending on our locus of life. The sum of our perceptions shapes our personality. 

I feel that people stay together in relationships when they have the same locus. For example, two friends will gel if both of them have a locus of life around having fun and entertainment. Both will be interested in watching movies together, travelling to different places, organising and attending fun parties, etc. and thus will support each other. On the other hand, two people may also be together despite different loci, but that will just be a compromise. For example, one is interested in finding out the meaning of life, while the other is interested in entertainment. Both make a compromise. The person interested in finding out the meaning of life makes a compromise, spends time with the other person, and engages in time-passing discussion. Similarly, the other person, interested in entertainment, also engages in serious discussion as a compromise. Will this compromise ever result in companionship? I have my doubts.

Generally, this compromise will become increasingly burdensome over time. The eagle flying in the high and a rabbit living in a burrow have no meeting ground. If the eagle carries the rabbit on its back, it will be life-threatening and extremely dreadful for the rabbit. Similarly, if the rabbit likes the eagle and tries to bring it into its burrow, it will kill the eagle. If the eagle and rabbit love each other, they will respect each other for what they are. The eagle can sit for some time near the burrow of the rabbit after its free flight in the sky. The rabbit can also talk about the eagle's flight and learn about its adventures in the sky. However, for that companionship to develop, both have to have the same locus. I have learnt this the hard way in my life. I think every soul is at a different point in its journey. That's why different people get tempted towards different things. Some people in the same society are tempted to commit a crime, while others give their time, money, and energy to charity. There can't be companionship between a selfish person and a kind person. There can't be companionship between a giver and a taker. There can be a compromise, but the "perceived safety" of compromise is always devoid of the "joy of companionship". 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Field of Awareness

 I presented a paper on Vipassana long back at Delhi University, and at that time, a professor there asked me a question: "Who realises the temporality of the sensations when we practice Vipassana: the mind or something else?" That question stayed with me. I told him about my experience in Estonia. Once, I went on an office tour in Estonia, where it was extremely cold at around -15 degrees. I walked outdoors for quite a long time and developed severe stomach pain. With no medicines available to me and no doctor to visit, I sat in Vipassana and began observing sensations. After about an hour of observation, the pain disappeared. I told him that I don't know whether that was a realisation of the mind or something else, but the same brain that experienced pain some time back had no pain after some time.  The question is who was feeling the pain and where that pain disappeared after observation. When we sit in Vipassana, our minds are full of so many thoughts. Usually, our m...

Do we love anybody?

Are we competent to love? It seems a very strange statement in the first instance. Do we need any competence to love? Love seems so natural. But the strange thing is that most of us do not love even ourselves. Do we? What do we love? Our self-image, our beliefs, body, and ambitions. "I" am good, and the others should appreciate me for being good. "I" believe in a particular thought or religion, and consider myself to be a sum-total of these thoughts and beliefs. "I" and my body, and therefore want to protect the body and become anxious whenever there is a threat to the body or a disease that does not get cured. "I" also become happy when this body feels instinctive pleasure, such as after eating tasty food, doing shopping, travelling to a place "I" like. "I" am my ambitions and work hard to achieve my targets. What is love, on the other hand? Love is a complete merger. When there is no difference between "I" and ...

Choice and Surrender

I was just listening to a talk by Sister Shivani . She says that we don't need to choose. Rather, we need to surrender, and the almighty decides for us. That's almost an impossible thing for the control freaks. How can I not choose? My choices have made me what I am. For example, I decided to do CA and write the civil services examination , and that's what defines what I am today professionally. I decided not to drink liquor, and I am proud of the fact that I am a teetotaler . I chose to read thousands of books on Neurology, Philosophy, Psychology, Quantum Physics and Mysticism . I also decided to explore Astrology and practice Vipassana . I decided to take sessions for the children. I chose my friends and people I would like to spend time with. The sum total of all these things is what I am today. How can I give away choices?  Most achievers are control freaks, and it is quite difficult for them to give up their choices. In fact, they have reached to their present positi...