Two Profound Life Lessons from Banaras

I recently visited Banaras for sessions on mindfulness for the children of a government school. The city of Lord Shiva revealed something profound to me that I was reluctant to see for quite a long time. Two incidents took place. First, while returning to the hotel by auto, the auto driver started talking to us about his marriage. He said that he is very disturbed with his wife and feels like killing her. We asked why. He replied that his wife started a job without his permission, and he feels let down due to her decision. He can not answer his community that teases him constantly for not being able to control his wife. He kept repeating constantly that his wife should not have done this. We asked him why he is so disturbed, and in fact suggested that he should be happy because the money his wife brings home will help them financially. We also told him that in the present-day world, everybody works. He had no logical reply and kept repeating that his wife should not have defied his command, and he felt let down. 

The two of us, who took a session of around 140 children just some time back and were full of confidence, felt like falling flat on our faces. Whatever logic we tried to offer made no sense to him. He was utterly convinced that his wife had made his life hell. Then, suddenly, something struck my mind. I realised that it is the Maya of Lord Shiva, and he wants to communicate a very significant lesson to me, which I have not learnt so far. It is not possible to wake somebody up who pretends to be sleeping. It is not possible to show somebody light if he loves darkness. It is not possible to show somebody the right path if he deliberately chooses the wrong path. If somebody is reluctant to work and pretends that he does not know how to work, you may spend a lifetime teaching him the right way of working, and yet you will be an utter failure. It's just a waste of time. Krishna can't make efforts to turn Duryodhana into Yudhistira. Rama did not make efforts to turn Ravana into Vibhishana or Vali into Sugriva. That's not possible. If a person understands the difference between Rama and Ravana and still chooses to be Ravana, then there is no point wasting time on that person.

Second, while sitting for the Aarati in the Kashi Vishwanath temple, I was meditating on Lord Shiva. Vibrations were very good. There was a lady nearby, and she was talking to her husband about a matter. I politely requested her to be silent so that we all may concentrate on the Aarati. She got utterly upset and started responding aggressively. I just said sorry and again started meditating. At that time, the most important thing to me was not to lose that time. That's why saying sorry did not matter at all. I said sorry, and I don't know how and why, but she disappeared after that. That was my second profound lesson. When we are focused, we don't give a damn about noise, and noise disappears automatically. It is our focus that decides our lives. If we focus on fear, fear keeps increasing, and if we focus on possibilities, we get to see many new possibilities.

Sometimes, as a result of our childhood experiences, we develop a belief. We focus too much on our beliefs that we lose awareness of the rest of the possibilities. That's what happened to that auto driver. He focused so much on his "mental story" that he developed animosity against his wife for not following an unreasonable dictate of his community. We focus too much on our desires and forget to count our blessings. We focus too much on our families and lose awareness of the sufferings all around. We focus too much on our desires that we lose awareness of the larger purpose of life. We focus too much on the outcome that we lose awareness of the joy in the process. It appears to me that constant "zooming in" without regularly "zooming out" makes us obsessed with a "smaller frame" of life. Constant zooming in makes us compulsive. In that compulsive state, people develop animosity quickly if we try to make them aware. We have to learn to leave people to their fate if they do not understand after reasonable interactions and interventions. That's wisdom and not an escape. After all, Krishna also left Duryodhana after a few futile attempts. Life is precious and not to be wasted by hitting one's head against the rock. The wife of the auto driver focused on her financial independence, and I focused on my inner connection with Shiva. Offered my "sense of responsibility to bring life to the rock" at the feet of Shiva. Prayed to Lord Shiva to bless me to be just His instrument to explore and create infinite possibilities in this world rather than being confined to that limited and useless "ego".