In a doubles tennis game, two players play as a team. Both players have to play their game, as well as support each other. Though they play side by side and cover half of the field, many times, if a player feels that his partner is not in a position to take the shot, he tries to help his partner out. But both play their own game. If one of them stops playing his own game and starts to observe the game of his partner and comment on his shots, they are sure to lose. First, the partner would get frustrated and would not be able to focus on his game. Second, the person who is commenting has stopped playing the game and therefore would not be able to appreciate the efforts put in by his partner, who is playing the game. His comments would not stem from an appreciation of reality, but rather from the mental stories he has created, as he himself has stopped playing the game and moved away from reality. Third, since he is not playing the game, he will have more and more time and energy to make comments, and therefore, his comments would be disproportionate to the requirements. Fourth, by not playing his game, he has already weakened half of the field, and they will miss the shots hit by the opposing team in that area.
Yes, I am talking about helicopter parenting. One of the biggest menaces of the present-day world wherein we want to make every child the king of the jungle without realising that a jungle has space for every creature, be it a deer or a rabbit. Many parents develop huge expectations for their children. Especially the parents who make bringing up the children the sole purpose of their lives. Too much focus on the children makes them frustrated. Who likes to be in the limelight all the time? Who likes the focus of the camera all the times on him? Second, since these parents do not play their own game, meaning that they do not have their own area of work, they are generally not able to appreciate reality. They keep making insensitive comments that children find very difficult to tolerate. Third, since they do not have any other work in life other than helicopter parenting, they spend disproportionate time and energy on that, which often becomes irritating for the kids. Fourth, the family as a whole also suffers because, with too much focus on parenting, the other areas of work suffer.
Not only parenting, but it also happens in all our relationships. Nobody can fight the battle for the other. We can at best tell our partner how to fight it intelligently. That's what Krishna did to Arjuna. When Arjuna gets confused, Krishna is there to help him out. But he will not tell Arjuna how to fight the battle. He will not interfere every time Arjuna is fighting. He will be a silent spectator. Arjuna will make his own mistakes and learn from them.
When we try to live the life of a partner or child, we have told to ourselves that we are making a big sacrifice. This feeling of sacrifice comes with an expectation that the child or partner will dance to the tune of our expectations. We fail to realise that the child has his own life and his own destiny. Whenever the child or partner deviates from our expectations, we panic and react. Quite often, that reaction is harsh. We always feel depleted of energy because we feel that our partner is not reciprocating. The problem is not the response of our partner, but rather the problem is that we have stopped playing our game and are just focusing on the game of our partner. That's not going to work. What apparently looks like "sacrifice" in such relationships turns out to be "silent exploitation". Why? Because that sacrifice is not centred around love and compassion, rather it is centred around expectations. It is an investment in a relationship that has to yield rich dividends. When the dividend is not as per the expectations, that looks frustrating. It's a lose-lose relationship where both feel exploited. A person who is contended and complete from inside will never be overbearing in a relationship and would be available on a need basis. So long as seeking remains, it's always better to seek to make self as a tool rather than making someone else a tool for that seeking.
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