Continuing with the previous post, "Root cause of fear"
https://observationwithawareness.blogspot.com/2025/11/the-root-cause-of-fear.html
It's very difficult to see our mental stories as stories. They look very real. The self-image looks very real to us. Any dent in social prestige hurts as badly or even more than a physical hurt. If somebody considers us irresponsible or selfish, leave aside making any allegation; it becomes unbearable that somebody carries this image of ours in their head. We somehow want to quickly repair that dent and maintain an impeccable self-image of being good, responsible, and large-hearted.
Goenka ji states a very beautiful story during the 10-day Vipassana camp. A mindfulness teacher was walking mindlessly and stumbled after hitting a stone. He would be more sad if there were people around, and especially if his son were around. It is because his physical pain gets multiplied by the psychological pain of a dent in his image of being mindful. The image of being mindful is very real to the person who carries that image. It's a priced possession, and the mindfulness teacher invested his life to create this image and place it in the minds of the people around. He feels elated when he is respected for that. He enjoys that feeling of being special. A VIP feeling that will be snatched away from him once people get to know that he is not mindful.
Somebody invested so much time in the image of being a responsible person. How will he feel if people around him make him feel that he is irresponsible? The difficulty with dropping these images is that the "creator" of these images is also "I", and the person who wants to get rid of the pain of the shattering of these images is also "I". The same "I" that tries to empower that image can not get rid of that image. If "I" believe that self-image of being responsible is my great weapon to fight the battle of life, "I" can not take it lightly if somebody tries to dent that image of being responsible. I can not press the accelerator and the brake at the same time.
There is no easy solution to this hard problem. It requires a fundamental shift in the framework of life. So far, we have been taught since childhood to build, develop, and strengthen winning formulas such as positive self-images. It has worked well. We have reaped the dividend of "being responsible" in many social gatherings. This tool has proved its utility time and again. But now desperation to implant that self-image in the mind of our bosses or some family members or friends has become a big problem. It requires a complete rethinking of our winning formulas. In fact, it requires revisiting the concept of winning and losing itself. Are we here to win or live? There is a famous book written by Paulo Koehlo titled "Winner Stands Alone". Why is winning or loneliness given so much premium? Probably because, since childhood, we have listened to this millions of times. In an insecure society, winning is necessary for survival. Winners survive, and losers perish. When we get back home from the battlefield of daily life, relationships relax us. Is life all about battling all day long and looking for relaxation in the evening?
It is difficult for an insecure mind to drop its weapons. An insecure person will wear their arms even while sleeping due to the apprehension of being attacked while sleeping. The trick is to see that the whole of the insecurity is just a creation of the mind due to propaganda of years and years. A person being attacked can't stay calm. That's why one needs to take some time off this battlefield and stay calm. Then one needs to examine for what he is fighting the battle? The moment we inquire, "Who am I?", we also inquire about the necessity of the battle, winning formulas, and also the things that look like shelter in the scorching sun. When we challenge the fundamentals of life, we get a very different perspective. The solidity of our beliefs melts. We feel connected to life. We see the reality behind the mental stories we have created. They drop without effort. Sweets no longer attract a person who has stopped eating sweets. We just need to create a little space between "I" and the "mental stories" to see the true colour of these "mental stories". Sadly, we are so occupied mostly with these mental stories that "I" and "mental stories" appear to be the same. This is probably the hardest of the tasks. We realise one mental story to just get trapped in the other. Constant awareness is the key.
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