Most people want a quick fix for their problems. Quick fix for the issues related to health by taking antibiotics and pills. Quick fix to their problem of inner hollowness: blessings from some baba. A quick fix to their problem of "guilt of accumulation" by doing some social service. Quick fix to their problem with "hollow relationships" in the form of some romanticism, falsity, and pretensions. Why? Probably, we do not want to work hard. The fundamental restructuring of our lives is so difficult. That requires effort. We just want some patchwork. It's beyond our capacity to reconstruct the entire building, and that's why we just want to make it work with a few repairs here and there.
We consider ourselves to be very smart. In that illusion of smartness, we carry out our biggest stupidities. The sum total of the time and money we will spend getting the house repaired will far exceed the time and money to rebuild the house. For all those years, we will spend more time, money, and energy and still continue to live in bad conditions, with fear and irritation almost every day. Why? Because we are not able to take a bold decision. Then we go to a person living happily in his reconstructed house and ask him for a solution, and he says, "You need to rebuild your house". We get offended. He is asking me to demolish the home, I have constructed with so much labour. There are so many emotions attached to that. He is an extremist. He is trying to run away from the problem. He is an escapist. What will that person having experience say? He will just laugh and say, "Do whatever repair you want". Because he knows that no repair will work in the long run.
I just recall a famous couplet from Galib:
हम को मालूम है जन्नत की हक़ीक़त लेकिन
दिल के ख़ुश रखने को 'ग़ालिब' ये ख़याल अच्छा है
The whole of the market operates on the same principle. "Make people happy". That instant happiness is the key. We eat fast food and get instant pleasure. We are not aware of the fact as to what fast food does inside the body. Our awareness is limited to taste. That's why our decisions are taste-centric. We feel good when we are admired by somebody. We fail to realise the inner implications. That means there is something inside that is incomplete, which is crying to seek completion. As if we are feeling that inner hollowness, unable to understand the meaning of life, and a friend tells us not to waste time in worry and takes us to a movie. We watch a movie for 3 hours and forget that inner hollowness for those 3 hours. However, the moment we get out of the theatre, that inner hollowness makes us uncomfortable again. How many movies can we watch? From escape to escape, from one purpose to the other, one outcome to the other, one relationship to the other, we have been trying to just find some escape. That has never worked, and that will never work. If there is a seepage in the building, we need to know the source of the seepage and repair it. Whatever technology we adopt to cover the walls, that's not going to work in the long term.
Why do people not dare to go for the restructuring of their lives? Some old life patterns are still comfortable. One room has seepage, but the other is fine. We are oblivious to the fact that the same seepage will spread to all the rooms and will damage the concrete structure, also in the long run. But we do not want to let go of that comfortable room. Even if a relationship is bad, we pretend to continue it because we get something out of it. You scratch my back, I scratch your back, and then we both complain that we are being exploited and then also call it a wonderful relationship. It sounds stupid, but most of us do it day in and day out.
Sometimes we continue in relationships because we are afraid of the unknown. We don't know how much time it will take to get the house repaired, and there will be so much inconvenience. All types of doubts and apprehensions will come to our minds. Similarly, when we start working on relationships, all types of worries come to our minds. What will society say? What if I do not find somebody else? That fear of inconvenience makes us continue with "bad relationships", however painful they may be.
There is something fundamentally wrong with all this. Probably, we are seeking something "outside ourselves". We are seeking "love". Love is not a contract. Love is not an exchange. Love means that the person we love is just our extension. We do not feel any difference. There is a complete merger. When "I" and "you" are merged, there is no question of contract or exchange. A person who is incomplete inside and seeking something from the relationship can't love. That means that the other person is just a tool. Rama and Hanumana are not seeking something from each other. They come together for a cause and do the magic. Krishna and Radha are not seeking anything from each other. Both are complete within themselves. They come together to give this world an example of love, where there is pure joy. Why does the relationship of Dasharatha and Kaikeyi not look attractive to us, despite them being husband and wife and Kaikeyi saving the life of Dasharatha with her awesome bravery? Because there is no merger. Kaikeyi loves her desire, founded in some stupid mental story, more than Dashratha. She is so blinded by her selfish interest that she actually killed Dasharatha due to her unreasonable demands. That's why we can't be capable of "loving" until we gain awareness of our unconscious mind and conquer it like Rama conquered Lanka and make Vibhishana the king thereof. Vibhishana, who knows the truth, rather than Ravana, who lives in mental stories. But for that, we need to first enter Lanka. The secret world of our unconscious, which is full of mental stories, illusions, and pretensions. That's not easy.
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