Fear, fear, and more fear since childhood. Fear of being a failure, fear of not being accepted by society, fear of losing a support system to survive, fear of losing parents, fear of not being able to get admission to a good college, fear of losing a friend, fear of being cheated, fear of being exploited. Our lives are full of fear. The entire framework of our lives is centred around fear. That's why our decisions are driven by safety, rather than exploration, love, and compassion. The same thing applies to relationships.
There is a short movie on Netflix, "Greater Kalesh". A girl comes back to celebrate Diwali to find all types of conflicts within the family. Mother is fighting with father because father lied to her that the home they live in was owned by them. She is very disturbed because her husband lied to her, and they have to move out now. Similarly, she is fighting her son because he has decided to marry a girl who is 10 years older than him. Actually, her son is gay and does not dare to tell the truth until her sister gives her the comfort that she can speak up. I was forced to think about why we have to tell lies in relationships. Probably because we are afraid of extreme reactions. We keep watching the reactions of our partner consciously as well as unconsciously, and when we find them reacting excessively, we get afraid to tell the truth. We feel that telling the truth will again invite the same reaction and therefore start hiding the truth, waiting for the right moment to speak. That's what father does while hiding the truth that he is not the owner of the property. That's what a son does when he hides the fact about his sexual orientation.
They may be blamed for hiding the truth, but the fact is that the true reason is the reactions of the mother over a period of time, due to which both are afraid to tell the truth. Today, the mother may blame father as well as her son for not telling the truth, but the reason lies in her reactions. Somebody may say that the father, as well as the son, should have been bold enough to tell the truth on day one. Relationships bind us. All of us are born as sons or daughters, and therefore, we have no choice with respect to many of our relationships. Then we make friends and marry. Our relatives by birth also marry, and new relationships are formed. In all these relationships, different individuals are at different levels of realisation. Some are emotionally intelligent, while some are not. Son wants to be authentic about his sexual orientation, but he finds that his mother has not matured enough to handle the truth. There is a conflict in his mind about whether or not to tell the truth.
I believe it offers very important lessons about parenting and our relationships. In close relationships, one person's fears can be transmitted to those around them, so it is essential to work on overcoming our own fears. If parents do not address their own fears, they will likely pass them on to their children. Fears seem very real to a fearful mind. We may think about them countless times, but the more we think about them, the more real they seem. Fears tell us we might lose something that holds great importance in our lives. We can only overcome fears when we see life with a fresh perspective. We conquer the fear of death when we realise that death is merely a pause in the eternal journey. We move past the fear of losing a relationship when we understand that, at the core, we are all one, and separations and divisions are just illusions of the mind. We shed the fear of social validation when we recognise that society is based on conformity, and truth challenges all preconceived notions. That's why, when we choose to live guided by truth, we can never conform. That's why Jesus was crucified, and Krishna was cursed by Gandhari. Each person in a relationship needs to work on their fears; otherwise, inauthenticities will persist in the relationship.
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