Children are suffering. Parents are suffering too. Children feel that parents do not listen to them, and parents think that their children do not listen to them. Who is not listening to the other? Who is right and who is wrong? There is a crisis in almost every relationship. Everybody is suffering in the process. Why? There must be some reason for such widespread suffering, and if there is a reason, there should be some solution as well. The whole of human society is founded on cooperation. Communication and conversation are the backbone of cooperation and coexistence.
For a conversation to happen, three things are needed. First, the speaker. Second, the listener. Third, the communication. Often in our conversations, all three are absent. How? That's an absurd statement. If the speaker does not tell the truth, there is no speaker. Quite often, we are reluctant to share what's going on inside. Either we do not trust the listener and sense a threat of manipulation. Or we do not know what's going on inside us. The inner being is like a black box, which we do not have access to. Or we do not have time to share these things since we are busy with the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, and such conversations come at a very low place in our preferences.
Quite often, the listener is also not listening. Why? Because he is busy with his inner chats. While the discussions take place, our minds wander here and there. What happened at the school, or in the office during the day, an insult by somebody, planning for the event tomorrow, or planning a pleasure trip. Any of these things or anything like that may be the agenda of the chit-chat of the mind. We are quite often not interested in what the other person is discussing because we are so full of ourselves. There is no space where we can receive what the other person says.
Often, there is no communication. Discussions turn into storytelling. Everybody is just telling a story that their mind has created based on their exposure to life. His version of the truth. His version of right or wrong. Somebody says that Ladakh is wonderful and tells his experiences. The other person tells about Andaman, and still another about Europe. Eventually, the entire discussion turns into a marketing event wherein all these people just try to sell the destination they have visited to be the most beautiful place to visit because they want validation of having been the wisest. Discussions about the education of the children also turn into similar events. People either want to prove that they are the most intelligent and have made the best choices about the education of their kids, or they just want to play victims, desperately waiting for some help.
How can there be effective communication in such a situation? Often, there is little genuine interaction in social encounters. People tend to wear masks, and nobody seems to have the time or patience to truly listen to others. Everyone seems eager to judge rather than understand. Discussions often focus on trivial details, as if people are trying to sell their mental stories in a marketplace. What concerns me more is the sharp decline in the quality of family conversations. I believe we need to reflect on this. Meaningful conversations occur when the speaker opens up and shares their genuine feelings without holding anything back. Speaking behind masks does not benefit anyone. The listener must listen with an open mind, setting aside their opinions and judgments. A good listener acts like a mirror, allowing the speaker to see their inner self clearly. Instead of offering answers, the listener should ask the right questions because no one truly has all the answers. Answers are found where the questions originate. A good discussion is never linear; it flows naturally, exploring the entire cosmos—from quantum physics to the universe, from its origin to the future. This is because life is interconnected, and solutions do not exist in a straight line. Often, resolving relationship crises depends on education, and solving issues within education hinges on understanding the nature of relationships.
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