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Is fear a choice?

An infant is so vulnerable, and yet he is so happy. He does not carry the burden of the whole world on his shoulders. He does not have fears. We do so many things across our lives, accumulate money and make relations, and gather powers. Yet, we become more and more insecure. That means there is something very fundamentally wrong with the whole structure.

Whatever we do in life, if the starting point is fear, can we ever overcome fear? Suppose we gather money to overcome our fear of running out of money; this means that every effort we put into getting more money reconfirms our belief that we will not be happy in the absence thereof. Suppose we make efforts to get social validation, and win prizes, and medals, that means our belief that we will not be happy in their absence gets stronger every time we make efforts to get those medals and awards. Suppose we make efforts in a relationship by spending more and more time, with the fear that we may lose that relationship. In that case, the more effort we make in that relationship and the stronger our belief that without that relationship, we will not be happy.

 That means any effort that is driven by fear and insecurity can never make us secure. Then, what is the way out? The way out is very simple. It is an examination of that fear. When we examine the fear, the root cause of fear, mental stories in and around that fear drop naturally. We see the reality face-to-face. Fear of loss of job will fill the mind with all types of imagination and mental stories. However, when I actually lose the job, I come to terms with reality. There would be some problems, of course, but there would be many new opportunities as well. That’s easy to say. However, we will have to plan, and we can’t leave anything to the future. We plan for exams, universities, meetings, weddings, and buying a home. We plan, and unless we plan, we are not going to achieve anything.

When we plan, we take stock of our fears and look for potential solutions. The problems as well as solutions are in the domain of our experiences so far. However, as we progress, we get to know so many new things. For example, many civil service aspirants have fears and insecurities in the society they live. Some have been exploited, and some have experienced inequality during their childhood. They analyse the options and find that civil services is a good option, which will offer a respectable position to them, wherein they will no longer be exploited and will also be able to make a difference in society. When they get selected, they enter the system and realise that the real situation is quite different from what they used to perceive from the outside. They get to understand a very different meaning of powers. They feel it is less of a power and more of a responsibility. They are under constant watch. They have to unlearn and learn so many new things. Now, an aspirant, when he gets selected for the job, can not function based on his past understanding. He has to acquire new skills and a new mindset to deliver.

That means we have to be aware of the ecosystem. We have to constantly observe and analyse. If we decide to wear a sweater in the morning and we enter a room that is heated, we have to take the sweater off. We can’t say that since we decided to wear the sweater in the morning, we will not take it off. That’s stupidity. It looks so funny, but are we not doing the same thing vis-à-vis money, powers, and relationships? Why do so many people remain perpetually in the race for money and power? Because they never examine what money and power have done in their lives. If we go to a hotel, looking at its advertisement and reviews with high expectations and find it dirty, we do not stick to our initial views about the hotel before seeing the room. Then, why do we cling to outdated notions about money, power, and relationships? Why do we continue to hold our beliefs even if there is nothing to substantiate them? Is it because of a lack of alternatives, or looking for an alternative way of living requires efforts that we are reluctant to make? Known medicine is better than trying something else. The known medicine works in pieces. 

We may decide to stay in that dirty hotel because we don’t know whether we are going to get a booking at the last minute. We have already paid for the booking, and we are not sure what will happen to that money. We may decide to continue with the medicine rather than a lifestyle change because we are not sure whether we will be able to make that lifestyle change. We are also unsure about the effects of leaving medicines. That’s where choice comes. Arjuna is also not sure whether he will be able to win the battle with Krishna or not. Yet he chooses Krishna. Why? Because there is co co-calculation in these matters. When somebody decides to speak the truth, he does not calculate the consequences thereof. When somebody chooses freedom, he does not count the benefits of slavery. When somebody chooses love and compassion, he does not count the sacrifice they have to make.

Why? Because all the calculations take place in the domain of divisions. When “I” and “you” are different. What is my gain may be the loss of the other person. However, when we connect to the truth, love, compassion, and freedom, there is no division. When we look at the accounts of the group as a whole, we do not calculate the profit and loss of the company of the group. It does not matter whether a company is in loss or profit, so long as the overall group makes a profit. When we connect to the truth, love, or compassion, we get to know that all the concepts of fear, loss, and discomfort are creations of the same divisive mind. When we know that the likes in our Facebook account have no value in the real world, we stop caring about them. Similarly, when we get to experience the division-less world, the fears and insecurities of the divisive world are no longer so alarming to us. That awareness brings equanimity.

However, the sudden euphoria disappears, and the old fears and insecurities come back as we travel a little further along this path. That’s bound to happen because the old memories are stored deep in our psyche, and they will get triggered by one or the other event. There would be doubts at every step because we live in a society where we have a shared existence. When the people related to us, like our family members, express certain fear or anxiety, that hits our equanimity. However, with awareness, reaction will change. Rather than empty sympathy, an aware person will try to make their relative also aware. The worry of a child about the fear of examination will get transmitted to the parents, but the awareness of the parents will also help the child get rid of his worries by being aware of the larger perspective. When we connect two glasses having water through a pipe, water will travel from the glass with having higher level of water to the one with a lower level. Similarly, when we live in closely knit relationships, either we will influence the other or he will influence us, depending upon the respective strengths. Even after choosing Krishna, Arjuna gets confused again after reaching the battle of Kurukshetra. But he does not leave the hand of Krishna. Krishna also does not give him any such choice. Unless we have such clarity, it will be impossible for us to fight the battle of Kurukshetra like Arjuna.

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