Yesterday evening, while watching the movie "Dil Dhadakne Do", I listened to the dialogue between Rahul Bose and Farhan Akhtar as he was talking to Priyanka's family. He said, "I allowed my wife to work," and Farhan replied, "Why does she need your permission to live her life?" It seems very simple. Why should anybody need permission from anybody else to live his or her life? But, is it really so? Are we really free to do what we want? Priyanka had to have the courage to do what she wanted. Ranveer needed courage to do what he wanted. Courage to fight what?
Courage to fight the fear of social disdain as a result of raising a voice against socially accepted standards. Divorce is still treated as a social stigma, and people talk behind your back. Why? Because so many people have lived through a bad relationship and have not made a decision to break free of it. Now they see somebody breaking free of the relationship. That's not acceptable. If this were an option, they would also have exercised the same. That's why they have to prove that this was never an option and will never be an option. That's why they will try to make the life of the person who dared to take such a decision uncomfortable.
Fortunately, the acceptance of decisions like divorce is increasing steadily in Indian society because more and more people are choosing freedom over a bad relationship. However, we still seek permission from society in many matters. Not because we have entered into some contractual relationship with society whereby we have to seek permission from society to live our lives. Rather, it is because of our childhood conditioning that we have placed society at the top of our heads. Not so that the Individual and society are adversaries, but both have to understand their limits. An individual is free in his own domain to exercise his free will, and society is also free in its own domain to have certain beliefs and best practices. Both have to respect each other's freedom and interact only in the domain of intersection. That applies to relationships between individuals also. The problem is that people often forget this and try to trespass, and relationships turn into prison.
Why would anybody trespass on the freedom of another person? Why does somebody need to seek "permission" and why does somebody need to "allow"? That invites us to a more fundamental examination. What are relationships meant for? What is the key ingredient of relationships? What are our responsibilities in a relationship? I feel that relationships are meant for our growth and not survival. If relationships are for survival, they are bound to be "controlling". On the other hand, if relationships are for growth, we will have companionship where we give space to each other for growth as individuals and grow together. In the first type of relationship, neither will grow, and both will pull each other down. In the second category of relationship, both will grow and push each other up. In a state of fear, we make relationships for survival. We don't want to share our friends with others. There is a strong feeling of possession. However, as we break free of insecurities, we make relationships for growth. We feel tempted to talk to people who have a wider frame of life. We feel suffocated by a narrow frame. We don't control anybody and don't want to be controlled. As one realises the nature of "self", one realises that most of our fears are due to "unexamined acceptance" of social narratives, and as we examine, many of our fears drop. We gain freedom to exercise choices.
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