Self-examination is not easy. I was observing a young child yesterday and how the concept of "self" is being formed. Till the child turns one year, there is hardly any sense of "I". Even if a child loses parents, it does not hurt much if the child is taken care of by loving caretakers, unless somebody makes him realise his loss. Starting from the age of around 1 to 2 years, children start becoming very possessive about their toys and parents. Till that age, they are just concerned about playing and exploring. If they are playing with a toy, they will cry if that toy is taken away. However, the moment they get something else to explore, they start exploring the same thing. However, as they grow, they can cry for the whole of the day for the toy they are obsessed with. They may not be comfortable with loving and compassionate strangers in the absence of their parents.
Since around that age, we constantly keep strengthening this sense of "I". Every time we introduce ourselves, we identify with our name, family, nation, community, and qualifications. This world is very transactional. Almost all the relationships are also transactional. It all depends upon what "I" want and what "I" can offer in return. That is how the packages are decided at the workplace. That is how most relationships work. "I" give something and get something else in return. In relationships, most exchanges are intangible. The "toys" we crave to possess vary depending on age. In childhood, we would prefer friends with whom we can open our hearts, while in adulthood, people with power and positions look quite attractive because they suit us better. They can help us achieve what we wish to achieve. When old, we get to realise the futility of all these achievements, and we again crave for the friends who can spend time with us.
Whatever the age, it is all about "I" wanting something or the other. As if the scoring engine is changing with time. In childhood, the scoring engine has higher scores for something, while in adulthood, the scores change. Adults would, of course, not assign the same points to toys in their scoring engine as they used to assign as children. However, we never get to examine the relevance of this "scoring engine" per se in our lives. Arjuna is also trying to maximise the score when he reaches the battlefield. He gets confused when his score becomes negative after looking at the elders and teachers fighting against him on the battlefield. Bhima and the other Pandavas had no negative scores for fighting against the elders and teachers, while Arjuna had. That's why Arjuna gets confused, and that's where Krishna invites him to examine the relevance of that scoring engine.
Since that scoring engine is an integral part of our lives from a very early age, and we consciously or unconsciously have been making all our decisions based on that scoring engine, we never get to examine that. In fact, examining the relevance of that scoring engine shakes our existence and that's why not everybody’s cup of tea. It means challenging whatever we have done so far in our lives. That's why very few gather the courage to examine their scoring engine. At best, a few people realign their scoring engines once they go through a crisis. That's why we have a fixed mindset and miss out on infinite possibilities that exist for us to explore. That's why we can’t experience love. We are so afraid that safety and security take over everything. Our scoring engines are tuned to maximise safety. That's why love is so rare in this society, and most relationships are just "functional" wherein there is a constant exchange of "intangibles". That's why social validation plays such an important role in our lives. That's how most human beings live and die. Yet, there are people like Kabir and Buddha who have been able to demonstrate how we can examine that scoring engine and break free from that prison of "I" to experience love and compassion.
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