Yesterday, a few people inspired by the teachings of J Krishnamurti gathered and had a wonderful dialogue. Why do greed, ambitions, and jealousy come back again and again in different forms when we try to move on the path of awareness? Are they lying somewhere inside us in a latent form? If so, from where have they entered our psyche? There are no straightforward answers to these questions because each individual has their own unique life journey, and it is up to that individual to examine their own life to find answers.
However, when we examined together, we found that the mind is expert in creating divisions. It divides every experience between good and bad, right and wrong, and desirable and undesirable. While these divisions may appear to be quite innocent and at times essential, they come back to haunt us. A simple pleasure trip may appear "good" to the mind, but what actually happened there? Did we enjoy the comforts of the hotel, the tasty food, shopping at the mall road, the snaps we clicked on the mountains, the tourist points we covered, the likes we got from our Facebook friends, the time spent with the friends or family, the serenity of the place, the lime spent in solitude, or the trekking in a lonely place? We categorize the experience as "good," without observing what really happened.
So, what's the problem? The problem is that when we go back to the workplace and work for several days, the "good" memories of the trip come back to haunt us, and we become desperate to get the same experience back. The experience at the workplace is "bad" because our minds have created a linear concept of "good". It divides each and every experience between "good" and "bad" and craves more of these "good" experiences. Unless we are aware, while undergoing those experiences, the dull mind will bundle all these experiences into "good" and "bad" experiences and will crave for the "good" later. This is bound to make us "unhappy".
What can we do? Just a little awareness will do the magic. When that feeling of "good" is there, can we enquire as to what is "good" about this experience? That enquiry would reveal that the taste of the food made us feel good for a few moments, and after that, it disappeared. Rest is just a mental story. That enquiry would reveal that there was not much of a difference between the different tourist points at the hill station, and it was actually the trekking to the point, breathing the fresh air, looking at the vastness of the mountains, and feeling a little, that made us feel good. It was the cutting off from the routine and constant engagement of the office that made us feel good. It was venturing out of the artificial world and coming close to nature that made us feel good.
Once we realize what really makes us feel "good", we will feel urgency to change our lives to bring that element of "goodness" to our daily living, rather than making it just a once-a-year venture. We would realize that all our possessions, be it a grand home, money, or positions, make us more fearful. We earn money to gather ways and means to be comfortable, and the more comfortable we become, the more we are afraid of being uncomfortable. The more powerful positions we acquire, the more we are afraid of being thrown out of these positions. The wider the network of relationships we have, the more we are afraid of a dent in our social image. A simple mindful trip may make us realize that what makes us happy is when we disappear in the mountains and lose that sense of "I" and merge our existence with the mountains. Once we realize that, we need not wait for a trip to the mountains. We realize that the problem lies in our mental stories around "I" and the moment we drop these stories, every experience is wonderful. We also realize that "good" and "bad" are just two sides of the same coin, and when we crave for "good", the "bad" is just around the corner waiting for us. When we connect to that "wholeness," all divisions disappear.
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