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The Glue that Keeps a Family Together

 What is the meaning of "love" in relationships? Family is one of the most fundamental organizations in which human beings operate. Are families glued together with love? If that is so, why are there so many separations within the families? Why is there sibling rivalry? Why is there a fight among the brothers that reaches the courts? Why is there a competition among the family members to snatch the resources? 

But they stand with each other in crisis. If one member of the family falls ill, the others stand with him. If one member of the family meets with an accident, the others are there to take care. When one member of the family passes through tough times, the others come together to support them. The members of the family celebrate each other's achievements together. They gather to celebrate festivals. Definitely, they are glued together.

Yes, there is no doubt that family members, in most cases, are closely bonded. But what is this glue made of? The nature of that glue decides the happiness index and also the sustainability of the relationships. This glue may be made of fear, where we are afraid to be alone, and the feeling of being a part of a family makes us feel secure. We stand with the other members of the family in the moments of crisis, with the expectation that the other members of the family will also stand by us in the moments of crisis. In some other cases, the glue may be made of social validation. Since a happy family is a "medal" in society, we want to project that we are a happy family glued together, and that's why we pretend to be glued together. We come together on the occasion of festivals and celebrate together to claim that medal from society. That glue may also be made of a sense of responsibility, which lies deep in our psyche due to childhood conditioning by society. We feel responsible towards the family members, and that's why we take care of our kids. This sense of responsibility is repeated in almost all our discussions and social interactions. That's how it is reinforced almost every day. 

When our bonds within the family are made of "fear", "social validation", or "sense of responsibility", the family is knit together, but it does not bring joy. It is only when the bonds are made of "love", we feel joy in family. Love is not divisive. Fear is divisive. "Love" is feeling connected, and when we experience love, that can't be confined to a family. We experience love when we connect to the universal consciousness within, and when we connect to that consciousness, we connect to everybody. Fear, on the other hand, is driven by division. We feel separate from the world, and that's why we feel threatened, and we want to have a family to protect us. We want to get our actions validated by society, and that's why we want to pretend to have a nice family. Or we are not aware at all, and the childhood conditioning drives our decisions. However, when we are fully aware of our existence and realize the futility of artificial boundaries, we love everybody, and when we love, we love our family members also. We are naturally concerned, not because of our childhood conditioning to be responsible, but because of the complete awareness and concern that comes out of that awareness of oneness with all the human beings. 

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