To what extent are we responsible? We observe that the child is in a self-harming state and refuses to listen. To what extent is our responsibility as a parent? We see that a friend is refusing to grow and heading towards a life crisis. To what extent will we make an effort to help him understand? We see that people in the organization are harming the organization for their self-interest and refuse to listen. To what extent should we fight for the same? We see that people enter a self-suffering loop due to ignorance. They do not invest in their skill-building, and due to a lack of skills, both technical and emotional intelligence, they feel insecure and suffer almost the whole of their lives. To what extent are we responsible?
"Responsibility" is a very outcome-oriented work. We feel responsible for a good life for the child, a crisis-free life for a friend, a systemic and efficient organization, and a secure and fearless society. When we feel responsible, our focus shifts to the outcome, and we lose focus on the efforts. On the other hand, "concern" makes us focus on the process. When we are concerned about something, the first question that comes to our mind is "what can I do?".
Any person who lives with "love and compassion" at the center of his existence will be concerned about the people around him. The moment that concern is there, he would naturally make efforts. At the same time, he would also realize that the "other" person should also be ready to receive help. We may be inspired by Gandhi and try to convince our children to become like him. But that may prove to be a disaster. When I read his autobiography, I realized that he went through a long phase of preparation to become Mahatma. Till that foundation is laid, every attempt to lay down a structure will meet the same fate. Even an earthquake of a low magnitude will destroy the structure, and in fact, a high-rise building will prove to be more dangerous than a low-rise.
Every soul is at a different stage of growth. The more we try to force upon somebody, the more damage we inflict upon them. I have learnt it the hard way from my experiences. The moment the soul gets ready for growth, it will learn from everywhere and will no longer be dependent upon one person. That's why the sense of responsibility to me appears to be an extension of "self-centric view", a reflection of a very strong sense of "doership". Out of the desperation to get that "pride" of being a giver, we end up doing more damage to the people around us. In the relationship between Swami Vivekananda and Ramakrishna Paramhansa, both were giver and taker at the same time, and in fact, when both feel like "takers", the relationship becomes beautiful. We take more from our kids than kids take from us. When somebody is "concerned", he will just be available, without fear or greed for the outcome. A person can be "concerned" only when he is himself not hungry for some desired outcome.
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