We see numerous demonstrations of "love" at times such as Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Children's Day, and Daughter's Day, among others. Have we ever analysed what these relationships mean to us? What are we seeking through these relationships? Some sort of security? Hope that these people will stand with us in the time of crisis? If that is the case, why are the cases of depression on the rise? Why do so many people feel "lonely" despite their Facebook showing so many friends? Why are children committing suicide? Why are people constantly stressed?
I feel that a fearful mind distorts reality. The fearful mind will either fight or flee. It will not stay and observe. For a fearful person, relationships are just a "tool" to help him respond to his fears: either fighting or fleeing. For example, we are all haunted by the fear of social disapproval. Most people make "success" their winning formula to fight against social disapproval. They are so afraid of present-day reality that they want to achieve something with the hope that once they achieve it, they will not be questioned by society. Relationships become "tools" to fulfil their ambitions. Most people, after achieving their targets, realize that "the winner stands alone," because they have "used" all their relationships to reach the peak. They feel miserable. The very fear that they were trying to fight grows stronger. Now they have a greater fear of losing their hard-earned positions.
Some people choose to run away from their fears, rather than fighting them. They surrender and start following blindly the belief system, without ever examining the truth behind such beliefs. They become "followers", join some organisation with millions of members, and surrender to some baba who has many devotees, as the majority do. This gives them a false feeling of being "part" of the crowd. This makes them feel safe. This is what they expect their friends and family members to do. The more they blunt their intelligence by being a part of the crowd, the more they are afraid of being ostracised. The moment somebody raises questions over this blind belief system, they feel threatened. Their inner fears come to the surface. They are not able to handle that and blame the other person for not being "loyal".
Is this love? Can a person who is full of fears inside experience love? Why do we have the fear of social disapproval in the very first instance? Because we are not sure of what we are. We are not aware of our true nature. That's why we are under-confident and seek the approval of society. Approval for some self-image of being good, successful, or powerful. We want to get this self-image confirmed through achievements and awards. Or we just want to become a part of the crowd. The more we do so, the more we get disconnected from our true selves. Love is an attribute of reality and not falsity. We may make the best of the pickle from a mango, but a pickle will never taste like a mango. We add so many spices to our lives but lose the sweetness of love. We just need to eat the mango to know the taste. Love can't happen between two images of self. That's just negotiation or a relationship based on give and take. How can someone love others when he doesn't love himself? If somebody loves himself, why would he seek validation from others? He will just connect to others with love and compassion. Love is instant. Concern is instant. It's in the present moment. One can eat a mango right now and offer it to the other. It does not require a long process of pickle-making, and once the mango undergoes that process, it no longer tastes like a mango.
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