Often, our inability to discriminate is a primary reason for our suffering. We suffer in relationships and justify the same, saying that we are emotional, while the fact of the matter is that we are weak and that weakness creates dependence, and that dependence results in exploitation, and we suffer due to that silent exploitation. Since we do not acknowledge our weaknesses, we never work on our weaknesses and grow weaker with each passing day. The same thing happens in organisations. We suffer because we are not competent, and therefore our employer takes advantage of us and exploits us. We give it the name of compulsion and keep justifying the same.
We often try to hide reality behind something else. We will not acknowledge the differentiation in society based on gender and caste, and try to justify the same in the name of customs and traditions. We try to hide the ill effects of preservatives in the packaged products with taste enhancers. "Good boy" is a compliment that has destroyed the lives of so many people. Parents fail to tell their kids that being "good" does not mean being a guinea pig who can be used by everybody around for mindless experiments. It also does not mean to become a punching bag who can be bounced by any and everybody. Being a "good girl" does not mean accepting exploitation.
We need to educate our kids so that they are intelligent enough to differentiate. One day, I took my daughter to a movie that had some violence. I did not realize that there was so much violence, and she came back amid the movie. She was visibly upset. I asked her the reason for her anger, and she asked me why I took her to the movie, which was not age-appropriate. I told her that there are two aspects. First, intentions and second, the impact of the action. I asked her whether my intention was to harm you. She said no. Then we discussed whether there is a difference between intentional harm and unintended harm. She understood.
The day before yesterday, in a session with the children, we were discussing judgment by society. We asked students about the difference between the judgment by a judge and society. What are the qualities of a judge? Children said that it is fairness and competence. The Judge will be fair and concerned for justice. He would also be competent to examine the evidence and form an informed view. But, when people judge us, do they have concern for us? Do they have the competence to examine and form an informed view? Most often not. In that case, it is our intelligence to discriminate as to which opinion should matter to us and which opinion needs to be ignored. If we ignore the opinions of people who are concerned about us and who can guide us, we will end up doing ourselves damage. Similarly, if we listen to the opinions of people who are either not concerned about us or cannot give the right advice, we will again damage ourselves.
Capacity to discriminate requires observation. If we are always in a hurry, constantly running after the goals set by society for us, we have no time to observe and examine. When we observe and examine, we break the experiences into smaller parts and examine how they are different from each other. How the genuine appreciation different from flattery? We will be able to see through the intentions and know that flattery is blind. We know that we did not do anything great, and yet that person is praising us because he wants some favour. We would be able to differentiate that often the giver is a taker and the taker is a giver. It's just that we focus solely on the tangible exchange. When we give money to a guard, we are begging for respect in his eyes and a salute from the guard. The ability to discriminate helps us break the frame of all the frames of our lives and come out of fears that keep us confined inside a box.
Comments