Each human being wants to be loved. Given a choice, nobody will choose fear over love. However, the fact is that we choose fear over love almost every moment of our lives. How? Why would I choose fear over love? It is because we do not understand what love means. We choose to study hard during our childhood. Where is this choice coming from? We talk to hundreds of students during our workshops, and find that in most cases, this drive to study hard comes from some fears. If the child is coming from a financially and socially challenged background, he wants to study hard to get respect in society, and if a child is coming from a well-to-do family, generally his drive comes from his desire to go abroad or get money to fulfil his desire. But, where is fear in this? Isn't the desire to get the fear of social disapproval at its core? Isn't the desire to earn money have fear of being uncomfortable at its core? Isn't the desire to go abroad driven by fear of being stuck here?
The same applies to adults. Since childhood, we have been full of fears of being uncomfortable. That's why we hold money so tightly. We feel that money will ensure our comforts. We have been so full of fear of social disapproval and therefore become part of the crowd, follow rituals and traditions, even if they do not make any sense. This reflects in our workplace as well as in our relationships. Most of our decisions are driven by fear. We do not raise our voice in the organisations against injustice for fear of being isolated and noticed. We tolerate meaningless discussions in group settings so as to get social approval. We want to continue with the sub-standard relationship, where there is no sharing, just to get that social approval or certain comforts.
Thus, when we choose fear over love, almost every moment of our lives, where is the space for love? The good part is that fear is always a mental story. The more we allow it to rule us, and the more real it appears, and the more we examine it, the more it disappears. That's what great people have done. Not so that Buddha would not have fears when he went to the forest in search of truth. But he witnessed those fears, and those fears disappeared. Not so that people like Mahatma Gandhi will not have fears when he started fighting against the mighty British rulers in South Africa, but he examined the fears and many mental stories about fears fade away, and we stay with what is real.
When we explore our fears, we open a space for love. Some of our decisions then stem from love and compassion. When a student explores his fears, many mental stories about failure fade away, making room for love and curiosity about the subjects he studies. He becomes eager to learn more. His motivation shifts from fear of failure to curiosity. When adults explore their fears, some of their mental stories about social disapproval and discomfort disappear, creating space. In this space, they make choices driven by love for their hobbies, connect with others, and try to help them overcome their fears. They do not hesitate to take a stand for a worthy cause or to be honest and direct in their relationships. This transforms their relationships, as false ones fade and authentic connections flourish. They spend more time engaging in what sparks their curiosity, growing with each moment. As we grow with love and compassion, more space opens for actions rooted in awareness, as many fear-inducing mental stories fade away when we see their true nature.
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