Today, I realized something quite significant. We feel bad when we don't get justice. We are either exploited or we don't receive our due share of credit. However, we feel worse when we receive credit that others deserve equally or more. Something within us does not feel good. It feels guilty of not raising a voice.
All feelings have a center of origin. For example, the feeling of pride. One will have pride in something if he identifies with that strongly. For example, a mother will take pride in the success of her son because she values that parameter of success and also loves her son. If she does not value that parameter, she will not be proud. For example, son may become the biggest don of the city, and if mother is conscientious, she will not take pride in that achievement of her son. Similarly, even if her son gets elevated to the highest position, she will not take pride if she does not love her son. Again, it depends upon our awareness of the frame. For many, recognition may be quite important, while for some, the right execution of the work may be important. I recall the following part of the movie "Schindler's List."
While all the people saved by him have come to thank him, he is in deep pain because he feels that he could have done more. He did not do enough. Why did I keep the car? Why did I keep the pin? I could have saved more people. I feel that one develops that deep connection; there is always a motivation to do more. The pain of others does not allow you to sit comfortably. The entire locus shifts, and the praise and nice words of others bite our conscience that we could have done more.
When we undertake some task that is bigger than ourselves, we work with our colleagues, our friends. We share so many things with them. There are moments of struggle, frustration, and joy that we share together. Then one fine day, we get some appreciation, and it feels as if we have been separated from our friends. Why can't all of us be together? That togetherness becomes more valuable than the recognition. That's why it pains.
I feel that once somebody gets out of the limited frame of ego, it is quite difficult to take joy in those things that used to give immense pleasure earlier. The freedom fighters would not have been happy with some title or award. They would be happy only when India is free. Moreover, every freedom fighter knows that each one of them sacrificed their lives for the work, and therefore, selective recognition is quite painful. As ego melts, it's not possible to live in spikes of pleasure and pain. Snow may shine at the peak of some mountain and take pride in its heights. The melted snow takes the form of a river and just flows to meet the ocean.
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