What is the responsibility of parents towards their kids? What is the responsibility of a husband towards his wife? What is the responsibility of a wife towards her husband? We keep discussing these things in society. Most people glorify the concept of "responsibility towards family" to hide their inner hollowness. Did Buddha not carry out his responsibilities towards his family? Was Rama running away from his responsibility towards his wife when he decided to go to the forest to respect the words of his father? Did Rama not fulfil his responsibility towards Lava and Kusha?
I feel that the first and foremost responsibility of any and every human being is to understand the meaning of life. It is because if we do not understand the meaning of life, we will live life within a limited frame and will not be able to utilize the full potential of our body and mind. Not only this, but we will also end up passing on that faulty understanding to the children, and they will also live a sub-optimal life. It does not matter what we say to the kids. What matters is the life we live. If the children see us being risk-averse, they will also fear risk intuitively. If they see us not maintaining personal integrity, they will also not learn the value of integrity in personal life. If they see us giving value to comforts, they will also learn that. If they see us prioritising growth and learning over comforts, they will also do the same.
We may try to make a home for them in the best place, have a bank balance sufficient for them to live their entire life comfortably, get them admitted to a wonderful college, or give them the most expensive cars and jewellery. None of these will stay with the kids. We may try to get them settled at a place that is heaven on Earth. However, even the heavens are not immune to tough weather. What matters most is therefore their attitude towards life and also the capacity to face rough weather. Neither can these things be handed over as a gift to the kids, nor can they come through sermons. Children develop an understanding of life by watching their parents live their lives.
If children see that parents tell lies to be socially acceptable and lack the courage to speak the truth openly, they will also intuitively learn that social validation takes priority over personal integrity. If children observe that their parents are limited to their immediate family and are not much concerned about society in general, their worldview will be confined to their immediate family. Suppose children see that their parents do nothing about societal problems but instead blame the administration or a few individuals. In that case, they will also learn this easy way out of avoiding guilt for not being able to help by simply blaming someone else. They will do the same with their own problems, holding someone responsible for their issues.
The true responsibility, as a parent, or as a spouse, or as a family man, is to be aware. The moment we are aware, we will get to see clearly what's happening within us. We can see the "games that we play with ourselves". We realize that we are wasting our lives in these games. We drop all these mental stories told by society since childhood. As we become free of those mental stories, we become authentic. The more we become authentic, the more our actions and decisions are driven by love and compassion. Our actions speak of us rather than our boasting about our actions. When we have that love and compassion within us, that gets reflected in every action. We need not impress upon others that we love them. When the children observe that, they know what the difference is between authenticity and inauthenticity. They also undertake self-inquiry and discover their authentic purpose in life and live a fulfilled life.
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