Can a fearful mind have love and compassion? Most people would say yes. We have fear because we love our families. Therefore, we are afraid for our family members. children, their security, and their future. Is it true? We just need to introspect. What is love and compassion? Love and compassion are feelings of being connected. Where is that feeling of "being connected" coming from? This question is quite crucial. Is that feeling coming from a deep fear of being lonely and vulnerable? Can we see now that it's just the opposite? We don't fear because we love our family, friends, and relatives; rather, we "love" them because we are afraid of loneliness. We feel fragile when we are lonely.
When we "love" somebody because we want to cling to that person due to the fear of being lonely, we would like to keep that person safe, take care of that person, and also make them comfortable. But we will do all these things with an expectation of reciprocation. That person will stand with us in the moments of crisis. Meaning thereby that we will try to "control" his life. A fearful mind will always try to control. That's how parents try to control their kids. They have made a huge investment in them, and therefore, the kids have no freedom to make decisions about their lives. Often, such "control" is justified in the name of a lack of maturity on the part of kids and the care and concern of the parents. Most often, these movements are driven by the desire to control. Leave aside the parent-child relationship, what about the husband-wife relationship? There, too, the more insecure partner tries to control the other. Quite often, using the tools of social norms and responsibilities. Can these relationships, centered around fear, manipulation, and desire to control, be called love?
Love is altogether a different feeling. For loving others. We need to love ourselves first. Love does not mean obsession. Many people are obsessed with self. For them, it is my way or the highway. That is not self-love. That is just another manifestation of the inner fear. We are so broken and exploited that we do not want to allow anybody to exploit us further. That is extreme fear and not at all love. Self-love means understanding who we are. Connecting to that inner self. Expressing freely, rather than restricting self-expression due to fear of being judged. Doing what we love to do. It's not easy since we have been used to acting out of fear or greed since our childhood. In fact, most people still believe that children perform best when they can't sleep due to the fear of an examination. Such a regressive thought that makes many students commit suicide. Parents whose entire life has been driven by fear and greed can't see any other motivator than fear.
Self-love means that inner connection. Feeling of being complete within and participating in this world with that feeling of being complete. When we feel complete inside, we automatically feel connected to others. We experience the joy of freedom and want everybody around to be free. Neither do we want to control anybody, nor do we want to be controlled. We enjoy our space and allow others their space so that they can do whatever they want. We understand that every individual is different and will have a different way of expressing self. We do not judge. We facilitate each other. We create new possibilities together. There is no destination, and therefore we are not in a hurry and enjoy every moment. The worst thing that can happen to a person is the justification of their own fears. The moment we start justifying our fears, fears take control of our lives, and our desire to control everything and everybody around takes over. Hitler may try to control the entire world due to his inner fear of being lonely, and somebody may try to control his relatives. The underlying drive is one and the same.
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