Comparison is quite natural to human beings. We compare ourselves with our colleagues. If we have worse circumstances than our colleagues, we feel bad. We compare our kids with the kids of our friends and colleagues. Organizations compare their employees. Boards compare the students and grade them. We even compare our friends and relatives, and often give examples that so-and-so relative is better or worse than the others. We also compare our kids and often say that one is better than the other. But why do we compare?
While the whole world is busy comparing, there are lots of talks that spiritual organizations do about compassion. Compassion means concern and a willingness to help others. Can comparison and compassion co-exist? While the whole world is busy comparing itself with others, can we have compassion? Think of a child who is one of the toppers and busy comparing himself with his competitor. He may not show his notes to his competitor, but at the same time, if he has a weak student in the class, he may be quite compassionate with him. We compete with our colleagues, but have compassion with the beggar on the street. Why? Because we compete with the people who are on the same plane and participating in the race. We compete with a student who is in the race to come first, and we compete in the office with a colleague who is fighting with us for promotion.
Yes, there appears to be a possibility of co-existence of comparison and compassion. But the question still remains as to why we compare. We compare because we are not sure. We are not sure of what we have. If we like Dal-chawal and somebody on the dinner table orders a pizza, will we compare? No. Because we are sure of our choice. Suppose we go to the temple and pray to lord Hanumana, and somebody enters the temple and prays to lord Shiva. Would we compare? No, because we are sure of our choice. We compare when we are not sure. Suppose a discussion is taking place in the office regarding the best of the school, and a lot of names pop up during the discussion, and different parents describe their experiences. We may start comparing and get confused. Because we are not sure.
We may not be sure because of three reasons. First, we are not sure what we want. Second, we are not sure whether the option we have chosen will give us what we want. Third, we want something else and are trying to project a different thing to protect our self-image. For example, we made a decision not to take bribes, and now we see a colleague getting bribes and enjoying his life. If we compare and become sad, there may be three reasons. First, we are not sure what we want. We may have chosen not to take a bribe because of the peace of mind, but we may want comforts and money at the same time. A conflict will arise when we are not clear about the priorities. Secondly, we may have taken the decision to be honest to remain peaceful, but we are unsure of the consequences. We may see that a lot of honest people are also being falsely framed. That will add to the confusion, and we will start comparing. Similarly, we may have chosen a career path considering that to be the best for earning money, but now we see that some other profession is doing better, and we compare. We might have gotten admission for our kids in the best school, and now some other school is doing better, and we start comparing.
Third, we may have chosen to remain honest just due to the fear of being caught, but projected that we are honest by nature just to enjoy the image of being good. We compare with the people who take money to make out the opportunity cost of that self-image. We did not take dowry to project a self-image, and then we met a friend who got a big car as dowry. We compare whether the investment in self-image is worth too expensive. All these comparisons will go on till we are not sure of what we want from life and how to get the same. When we are not sure of the meaning of life, we assign a meaning to life based on our experiences. We start running the race and devise our "winning formulas" to win the race. As we gain experience, our meanings undergo a significant change. Somebody used to look quite attractive, but we no longer feel like talking. A job used to be the dream job, but it looks quite a burden now. Some comforts used to look quite pleasing, but look quite painful now.
The problem is that in the very first instance, when our mind gets attracted to these temptations, we do not examine them. We do not dare to examine them because we are in a hurry to find the meaning of life. We do not want to embrace uncertainty. We somehow want to draw a conclusion and set the target of our lives. Society is also quite happy doing that because then you will become a part of the crowd and not challenge the fundamental belief system. By the time the mind develops the capacity to analyse and examine, it is already conditioned. It is busy with the calculations and comparisons. A mind that is disconnected from its inner self will try desperately to make sense of this world and set priorities, and an uncertain mind will always compare and become sad. That's why, no matter what we get in life, we will always compare and be unhappy because we never know what we want. The moment somebody knows the meaning of life, he is sure. There is no confusion and when there is no confusion, there is no comparison. But that requires absolute clarity of "what we are" rather than "what we want". "what we want" will keep changing with exposure and experiences.
Comments