Love is probably one of the most abused words in this world. Some people love their country and sacrifice their lives for it. Some people love fish and kill them for their love. Some people throw acid on the face of their beloved when she refuses to acknowledge their one-sided love. The word "love" has been used to express such a wide range of emotions that we often get confused.
To understand what "love" really means, we probably need to examine ourselves. Suppose we "love" our kids or our parents, what does it mean? We need to examine the interplay of "love" and "fear". During the COVID-19 pandemic, people who died of COVID-19 were isolated, and many people died in hospitals and in isolation at home. This was one of the best times to understand the true meaning of love. Can a "fearful" person dare to help a COVID-19 patient who is dying due to a lack of oxygen? Would he have the courage to take care of the patient who can not stand on his feet, taking the risk of being infected with the disease? "Love" is not about having pleasure trips and having parties in restaurants. Love is not even about having pleasure discussions. Love is also not about standing with each other in difficult moments. Love is about the merger of two "selves" into one "self". Can a "self" that is full of fear merge with the other "self"?
Mostly, we pass on our fears to others in the name of love. Parents pass on their fears of failure to their kids and want their kids to study hard and compete for admission to a good college so that their career is secure. On the surface, this appears to be an act of "love," but is this really? I come across many students during our interactions at schools, juvenile homes, and also during social interactions. Many of these kids have their own aspirations and dreams. Some of them love to be artists, some of them want to be sportsmen, and many have aspirations quite different from those of their parents. Now, if parents, out of their concern, impose their ambitions on their kids, is it really "love"? Many parents impose their beliefs on their kids. Is that "love"?
Taking care of a pet is not love. First, we snatch freedom from a bird but putting her into a cage, and then we say that we love the bird. We may feel the best of the food for the bird, but we have taken away her freedom for our entertainment. We may spend millions on the education of our kids and in bringing them up, even at the cost of our comforts, but the moment we treat them as trophies, for our social validation, to boast that my kids have got admission to IITs and AIIMS and to get that validation of being "good parents" from the society, we have turned our kids into just "use case" to get that social validation. One can't love until one can get rid of his fears. We have to really get rid of our fears to see the perspective of our kids. Not always their perspective will be valid, but we will not be able to ask the right questions if our minds are biased by our own fears.
For example, a kid may have a fear of not being able to put in that much of hard work which is required for a competitive examination, while on the other hand, parents may have a fear that if their child is not able to beat the best of the competition, there would be a question mark on their parenting by the society. Now, the child will be driven by his fears, and the parents by their own fears. It will be just a battle between two fears, and obviously, parents are stronger and the child is weak, and the parents will win the battle. On the other hand, "loving parents" would place "love" above their fear and would be able to actually understand the fears of their child because they do not have any agenda or expectations and would be able to understand the fears of the child and guide him properly and help him explore the alternatives. "Loving parents" would not impose their preferences and beliefs on their kids when they make the most crucial decisions of their lives; rather, they will just ask the right questions and help kids find their own answers.
A free soul can't snatch away anyone's freedom, while a fearful person puts his "loved ones" into a cage. For a fearful person, everything and everyone is merely a possession. We love our home not because we can die for it, but because it provides us with comfort and security. For an insecure person, relationships are merely a way to gain that security. Relationships are always transactional: you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours. If not now, you owe me a scratch at a time when you need that. That's purely a transaction and not anywhere near "love". How can there be love without freedom from insecurities? "Love of insecure people is always full of expectations. Meera would not love Krishna with the expectation that Krishna would make her life comfortable. Hanuman would not love Ram because Ram would make him the king of Lanka. "Love" of a free soul is always free of expectations. Unfortunately, until we experience that true love, it appears to be a mirage, a utopia, and a fairy tale. But for free souls, the worldly concept of love is too suffocating and stifling.
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