Today, I watched the movie "Bhool Chook Maaf" where the hero of the movie wants to marry a girl and the father of the girl puts a condition for marriage that he will have to get a government job within 2 months. he manipulates the system to get the job but realizes finally that his manipulation is at the cost of some other candidate who needs it more than him and therefore gives up his job offer so that the other candidate can get the job. This is not taken kindly by both families, and everybody starts cursing him for this.
The movie leaves us with very relevant questions. What is the nature of relationships in our society? Are all our relationships transactional? Father would marry his daughter only if the groom had a government job. What does this condition mean? If two people want to spend their lives together, where does the government job come into the picture? What is the father seeking while looking for a groom for his daughter? Does he want to buy the guy by giving dowry? Why should only boys do the job, and why not the girls? Why don't we make our girl children competent so that they may start some business on their own and not need to be dependent? Why do the girls not understand that at the end of the day, unless they become financially independent, they will continue to suffer in this society where some XYZ comes to select a bride and rejects them without hesitation. In the absence of solid education, the only assets they have for barter in the "trade of marriage" are their good looks and fair color.
Are relationships in this society just ways and means to find security? If the boy and the girl share their life goals, they will find some or the other means to live their life. Is financial security more important than sharing life goals? Why have almost all the relationships become transactional? If the hero gives away the job, he becomes a villain in the eyes of everybody. Are our relationships conditional? That means if our kids do not listen to us, or do not follow our belief system, will we break our relationships? Are relationships for sharing or for seeking security?
I feel that an insecure mind is not capable of loving. On the other hand, a person who knows how to love can never be insecure. It is because "love" and "security" are two very different movements. "Love" means an inner connection with the other person. That can happen only when a person connects with himself first. On the other hand, seeking security is a very different movement where a person is disconnected from his inner self, and due to that inner disconnection, he feels insecure and seeks security in different things, such as relationships. Even if we have the whole world as our friends, we are never going to feel secure simply because of the fact that the cause of insecurity lies in inner disconnection. If we have a hole in our heart, we can't get cured by taking antibiotics.
Since we lack that inner connection, we become insecure and seek security through relationships. This is why relationships have become so transactional and full of expectations. "I did this for you, and you didn't do that for me" are common accusations in relationships. Courtrooms are filled with divorce cases. Even after relationships end, people want to extract the maximum from them, akin to selling the organs of a dead body. People carry a bag of "badges" labeled "good" and "bad," distributing them to their relatives, foolishly believing that they will achieve their desires by giving away these "badges." Those who are naïve often fall into the trap of these "badge sellers" and end up doing what they want just to satisfy their desire for more and more "badges" on their chests. Where is "love" in this entire madness? Insecure individuals are so consumed by their insecurities that, to them, relationships become mere tools for seeking security. Wives are used by husbands for good food, to have kids, and preserve family lineage, and to derive some pleasure. Husbands are used by wives to obtain money without hard work and a certain status in society. Both serve as tools for each other to earn a double income at home for greater comforts. I find it bewildering how an insecure mind perceives this entire façade and recognizes that it is so beneath standards. It astonishes me that we pray to Krishna and Radha, yet engage in relationships for security and comfort, unable to see these contradictions within ourselves.
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