All of us face situations when things go wrong. We feel frustrated, hold others responsible, pray for the improvement of conditions, sometimes want to run away and sometimes fight, but wish that the next morning we wake up, we wake up in a different world free of this problem. This happens quite often when we encounter serious problems in relationships, the death of close family members, accidents, major health issues, and major financial crises. In sum and summary, we just try to remain what we are and want the entire ecosystem to change without realizing that the change of the ecosystem is taking place to help us grow. A growth of the soul which is very difficult for the mind, fixed on this body, to understand.
A baby tries to walk and, in the process, falls many times. Adults watch the baby, but rather than being worried about the fall, they become happy because they have themselves learned to walk the same way, and they know the significance of that learning. They know how "learning to walk" has opened the doors of exploration for them. They know that everybody has to fall down while learning to walk. Similarly, when we meet the realized souls and discuss the problems with them, they know that these problems are part of our growth journey. Tulsidas had to undergo the pain of separation from his wife to become an accomplished poet. Ramakrishna Paramhansa and Ramana Maharishi also had to face diseases like cancer. I know many people who lost their kids and started NGOs to serve the poor people after their loss. Now they are always full of the joy of having a much larger family comprising the people whom they helped.
Our awareness of self is confined to our body, our relationships, and our possessions. That's why when we have major trouble with the body, relationships, or possessions, we feel troubled. Some people identify very strongly with their belief system and self-image, and that's why when there is a puncture in the self-image or their belief system gets shaken, they feel troubled. All these situations are the gifts of God to make us progress. To help us drop the identifications and move forward. That's what Anita Moorjani has beautifully described in her book "Dying to be me": that we learn to live when we accept death. In fact, we do not learn to live until we have a fear of death, losing relationships, losing our possessions, our self-image, and our belief systems. Till that time, we are constantly busy protecting these. It is only when we drop these identifications, we learn to live.
It is quite difficult for a person to leave these identifications when everything is going fine. Only a few realized souls like Shankaracharya, J Krishnamurti, Swami Vivekananda, Paramhansa Yogananda, Ramakrishna Paramhansa, Sri Aurobindo, and the like have had such awareness since their childhood. Most people have very strong identifications with one or more things. A person who has a very strong identification with their body gets a disease. Depending upon the growth of his consciousness, he may become frustrated and hold everybody around responsible for the same, starting from the pollution to doctors to family members. Or, he may take this as an opportunity to observe his strong identification with the body and get rid of the same. We have a living example of Premananda Maharaj Ji, who, despite suffering from a failure of both kidneys, has been spreading love and happiness for the last many decades.
If a person has a very strong identification with a relationship, issues in that relationship may be a very good opportunity to observe their identification with the relationship. If he is not ready for this growth, he will become restless, pray, and make desperate attempts to get back to the past. If he is a little aware, he will take it as an opportunity to look at all these relationships and understand the fragility of all these relationships. He would understand that his very concept of relationships was flawed. Unless we connect internally and the other person also connects internally, there can't be love. If one can't love oneself, how can one love others? Devoid of that inner connection, all our relationships are based on expectations. So long as those expectations are met, relationships continue. Most expectations are socially approved, and that's why people do not see through. Expectation to be a good friend, father, mother, son, daughter, or spouse. Similarly, when there is a challenge to our belief systems and self-image, that's a very good opportunity to look at the strong identification with those. We generally dread these "opportunities" like a stage-shy student dreading the announcement of his name for speaking on the stage. But when the name is announced and we gather a little courage to face, we realize that we have an "unknown capacity" to deliver the speech. We get to experience that deep inner connection that is constantly working for our growth, waiting desperately just to be trusted.
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