"Emotional Intelligence" is a term coined by Daniel Goleman. His book titled "Emotional Intelligence," written by Daniel Goleman, was my first book outside the syllabus, which I read in 2003. This morning, I was discussing with Jigya, my younger daughter, why Newton could observe the falling apple quite differently while so many people would have been watching the same phenomenon for centuries. Probably, because different thoughts often occupy our attention. Our minds are generally in an auto mode wherein there is a constant flow of thoughts. We keep thinking about the past and the future, and an endless thread of thoughts keeps our minds occupied.
There are very few occasions when we are actually in the present moment, observing the phenomenon. That's why most of the wonders of nature remain unnoticed. At best, we just click a photograph and then forget. We are so busy with our thoughts that hardly anybody gets inspired to explore the nature of reality. A few scientists got inspired to do the same, and that's why they could discover the deepest secrets of nature.
That's why Emotional Intelligence is the first thing we ought to expose our kids to. There are a lot of talks on emotional intelligence. The world of YouTube is full of such videos. You should do that and should not do that. The fundamental problem is that, first of all, we need to understand what is going on inside our minds. Daniel Kahneman has wonderfully explained the functioning of the fast and slow brain. The fast brain is the emotional brain that acts very fast, but it becomes impulsive due to quick reactions. It has evolved to save us from dangers, and that's why the emotional brain is at work; it does not leave any scope for the rational brain. Any and every sensory input is attended to by the emotional mind.
For example, suppose we get a scolding from, boss, the next time we visit him, our emotional mind becomes active. It wants to save us from unpleasant encounters and that's why it sends the signals to the body to fight or flee. In that case, either we become overaggressive in our behaviour or become nervous. Our emotional mind triggers the flow of hormones that prepare our body accordingly. Similarly, the memories of unpleasant encounters also get triggered, which makes the mind recall the past unpleasant memories, and the emotional brain becomes more active and focused on potential unpleasantness and sends more such unpleasant sensations to the body. Thus, the cycle of unpleasant sensations and memories starts moving, and at some stage, we become panicked. I have seen some of my colleagues having to take "stress pills" to face such daily encounters.
Emotional intelligence is all about the observation of the reality of the emotional brain. We just concentrate on our breath. That helps us take our attention away from the cycle of unpleasant sensations and memories. We become watchful of different sensations on different body parts. As we become watchful, we get to realize that these sensations are not permanent. The more we observe, the more quickly they disappear. The more we react and the stronger they become. As we observe, they disappear, and the feedback cycle is broken. Attention becomes free of the loop, and we get to see the reality. We see that the boss is actually insecure. He is full of fears, and being aggressive is his defense mechanism to feel safe and secure. We develop compassion. Naturally, when we get to understand our emotions, and come out of the loop of emotional mind, we have the rationality to see the reality, and that awareness fills us with love and compassion. We see what's happening inside the boss. Depending upon the fact as to whether the boss is closed or open, we may decide our response to the situation. If he is open, we may talk to him and give him the alternative perspective that may ease his stress. If he is close, there is no point in talking because the more we speak and the more he gets intimidated.
Emotional intelligence is the first step to rationality. If we are caught in the cycle of emotions and sensations, our lives will be driven by our desire to minimize unpleasant sensations and maximize pleasant sensations. None of these is going to take us anywhere near reality. Only a free mind can observe reality. We often appreciate emotional people. We fail to distinguish between being emotionally intelligent and unintelligent. An emotionally unintelligent person is trapped in the loop, while an emotionally intelligent person is well aware of the loop of emotional memories and sensations and therefore not only breaks free of the loop but also helps the willing people around them to come out of the same. Once a person is not trapped in that loop, his "reason" and "logic" are not slaves to the "emotions," rather his "reason" and "logic" are guided by reality. That guidance gets passed on to the emotional mind by the reason. Then the owner of the chariot starts directing the charioteer, the intellect, and the charioteer directs the horses, the emotional mind, through the reins of reason.
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