Fear drives our lives. Are poor people more fearful than the rich? On the surface, this is true. However, reality is quite different. We see street children playing fearlessly on the streets despite heavy traffic. While the privileged children are afraid to even step outside their homes. We have a fear of losing "what we hold on to". Therefore, it depends on what we hold on to.
We generally hold on to our image, dreams, relationships, and possessions. We hold on to our image, and that's the reason why the toppers in the school are often afraid. They are afraid to have a dent in their image of being brilliant. Initially, they ask questions fearlessly, appreciated in the process, but slowly in the process, they "hold on to that image of being brilliant", and slowly become quite fearful of "losing that tag". That makes them full of fear and cautious while asking questions and participating in the discussions. Similarly, many employees hold on to their image of being the best employees in the organisation and fall into the trap. Many people hold on to their image of being "good", like "good wife", "good husband", "good parent", "good human being", and so on. That tag becomes so important that we start saying the things we do not believe in, and also pretending to do something that we do not intend to do. That "tag of goodness" takes away our freedom and makes us full of fear. If a husband commits an act of violence against his wife, and the wife does not stand against that to retain the tag of being "a good wife", then that's due to the fear of losing that tag.
Similarly, we often hold on to our dreams. Some people see dreams of being rich, some of being powerful, and some weave dreams around their kids. Slowly, we hold on to these dreams so tightly that we become full of fear of losing them. For example, I have often experienced it in bureaucratic organizations. People develop a dream of reaching top positions in the organization, and that dream becomes the centre of their lives, so much so that they are afraid to make decisions. What if some decision goes wrong? Due to that constant fear, they become indecisive and are unable to do whatever they could have done.
We often hold on to our relationships. We develop a fear of losing these relationships. We are afraid to lose a friend, and due to that fear, we often don't speak our heart out. That brings inauthenticity in relationships and makes the relationship sub-standard. If complete transparency is not there in a relationship, how can that relationship that relationship will be a "house of wax" that will melt with the first contact with the fire of crisis. Relationships are there to help us and everybody around grow. The husband-wife relationship is for companionship. Two people from very different backgrounds and cultures come together, get to know the differences, and grow with that. They also take care of the parents and kids. They both impart different exposure to the kids and share their life experiences with them. Life is a journey into the wide ocean, and relationships are the little boats that help us navigate. Kids will soon get off the boats their parents are travelling on to their own boats. The purpose of parenting is to enable the kids to have their robust boats so that they can explore life fearlessly. Boats are to help us explore and not to fill us with fear of losing them, and take our attention away from the exploration of life. The purpose of marriage can't be to just die as husband and wife; rather, it is to help each other explore. If that purpose is not served, and staying on the same boat becomes the purpose of life, even at the cost of exploration, that's sheer stupidity.
Thus, most fears arise from our lack of understanding of life. Due to this lack of understanding of the larger purpose of life, we cling to various things. The moment we cling to something, we develop a fear of losing it, whether it be our self-image, relationships, possessions, or dreams. On the other hand, as someone comes to understand the purpose of life, "love" becomes the guiding force. "Love" for exploration, "Love" for the people around us, "Love" for relatives, family, and children, and "Love" for the work at hand become the driving forces behind our actions. We work hard in school and at the office because we have a passion for studying and for improving the workplace. We engage passionately with society and in relationships, not for the sake of being seen as "good" but because our soul finds satisfaction in putting in that hard work. Our dreams are not tied to "becoming somebody"; rather, they are tied to action. We dream of working harder, thinking clearly, appreciating the bigger picture, and finding solutions to difficult problems. Our understanding of relationships undergoes a complete transformation. When we love, our natural instinct is to "give our best" in the relationship rather than "hold the other person accountable and bind them" to it. Only weak and fearful minds bind others. Strong minds are always free and set everyone free. After all, it is one consciousness manifesting in different forms, and one form binding another is an act of sheer ignorance.
Comments