"I did so much for him and he did such a bad thing to me". We hear this dialogue almost day in and day out in different contexts. Sometimes we have these complaints against our kids, sometimes against our friends, spouses, and sometimes organizations and colleagues. Probably all of us have a very strong self-image of being "givers". Being a "giver" gives us a sense of purpose. You ask any person in his 40s and 50s about the purpose of his life and in most cases, the answer will be "I am living life for my kids". However, a little deeper examination will reveal that almost in all situations, we are "takers" rather than "givers".
If we want to give a hundred rupee note to a street kid and he refuses the same, what will be our first reaction? probably most of us will feel hurt. If the purpose was to give, why would we feel hurt. It is because the primary purpose of offering that hundred rupee note was to get thanks from him to enhance our own self-image of being a giver. The moment he refuses the same, that feels like an insult. Similarly, if our kids decide to move away from us and settle abroad, why do we feel sad? If we are the "givers", we should feel happy that our time and energy are saved and now we can invest that time and energy in something else. But, in such moments, we become sad because we know that the kids are not going to be back in India and our expectations of spending time with them will remain unfulfilled forever. When a friend or spouse decides to break free of the friendship or marriage, why do we become so upset, if we are the givers in that relationship? If we were "givers", there would be so many takers. Why would we like to "give" to only our kids, friends, spouses, or organizations? We should be ready to give wherever there is a need.
It is quite difficult for us to have a self-image of being a "taker". The divine gives to everybody and therefore he is divine. The demons take from everybody and therefore they are demons. Gods are prayed in every society. We also want to be respected. Then how can we be "takers"? Even a terrorist wants to be proven to be a "giver" by claiming that he has sacrificed his life for his religion. The husband wants to prove that he makes the maximum contribution to the family and the wife also has a similar claim. In fact, in almost every relationship, we somehow want to prove that we give more than what we take.
The trees keep converting carbon dioxide silently into oxygen despite the worst treatment given to them by human beings. Human beings will cut the forests for their petty gain and yet wherever the trees are planted, they will not have any thought before converting CO2 into O2. They will not reserve the oxygen for the people who watered them or bring fertilizer for them. they will not keep an account of the people who have used that oxygen. The biome inside the gut keeps digesting the food constantly and helping our body to function. Sun keeps producing energy constantly without keeping an account of its usage. The insects keep producing nitrogen which is essential for the growth of the plants. The cows and buffaloes keep producing milk without knowing which factory their milk will be processed in and which kids will be consuming the dairy products. The needs of almost every creature are taken care of by nature.
When the air we take is produced by the plants, the water we take is brought to us by the rivers, the genetic makeup has been transmitted to us by our parents after a journey of millions of years of the evolutionary history of human beings, the society we live in has a history of hundreds of years, so many freedom fighters have given their lives to make us free, thousands of soldiers are working day and night to keep us safe, farmers are working day and night to produce food for us, our parents worked hard so that we can study, so many people around the world work hard to help us in almost every aspect of life, how can we be so blind to live under the illusion of being a "giver" except being so self-obsessed that we do not realize that while "giving", in most cases, we want to "take" credit of being the "giver". Once we see through the reality even for a moment, the entire illusion of being a "giver" disappears and when that happens, we realize that nobody is a "giver" or "taker" in this world rather everybody is participating under the grand design of nature and playing his role. The heart lung eye ear or any other body part is neither a "giver" nor a "taker" and each one participates in the grand design of the body to make the body function. All of these body parts are alive so long the body survives and after that, all these body parts are just burnt in fire or buried inside the ground. This realization makes us quite powerful because we are part of the "whole" and therefore have a perpetuity of existence and ignorance thereof makes us quite weak and fragile, hungry to claim "credit of being a giver".
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