This morning, I was reviewing a document that we have been working on for the last few days, and since the document is quite complicated, I was concentrating on the document quite intensely and suddenly there was a power cut. For a few minutes, I relaxed and waited for the generator to be on but the generator was not switched on for many minutes. I sat on the sofa and thought of utilizing the time by observing my body sensations, as we practiced in Vipassana, however, my mind was stuck on the document. Then, the thoughts start coming as to what would happen if the guards are sleeping and they do not start the generator. I wanted to finish the work this morning itself so that we can continue with the document after reaching the office in the first half. My mind was stuck on the thought and after a few minutes, I walked down the stairs to request the guards to start the generator.
I feel that we face these things day in and day out. We get fixated on the task at hand and miss the larger picture. I could have utilized those 10-15 minutes in meditation and then continued the task as and when power was restored. However, I chose "control" over "letting go" and wasted those precious moments that I could have invested in my journey inwards.
We tend to try to control everything, from the food we eat to the office where we work. This is because somewhere we have placed a lot of premium on certain body sensations. Taste of the food we eat, the touch of the clothes we wear, the feel-good of the appreciation we receive, the comfort of the furniture and home, the feeling of being powerful, the feeling of being treated as a VIP, the feeling of being good and doing good to others, are all feelings that drive our lives. We negotiate almost whole of the day. We carry out many tasks we do not feel good while doing and yet do the same in anticipation of the results. The results will fill us with these pleasant sensations. We work hard at school so that we may enjoy that good sensation when people praise us for being successful and can enjoy the pleasure of sitting in a comfortable car which is driven by the chauffeur and sitting in a comfortable home provided by the company to us. We work hard in the office despite our dislike for the work because we feel that working hard will give us promotions and we will feel good being elevated to a level that has a distinction, and where not everyone can reach. Such a sense of exclusivity fills us with certain pleasant sensations and to get these sensations we keep working hard.
The moment we go for any tasty food, on the surface, it fills our taste buds with pleasant sensations, but it puts a lot of workload on the internal organs that we are not aware of due to our fixation on the taste buds. Similarly, whatever choices we make have an impact on our inner self. On the surface, we feel happy, but internally we feel deprived of peace and happiness. The inner self needs time to be with us. It wants to talk to the conscious mind and guide it. But the conscious mind, like a stubborn kid, does not spend time with it. It feels lonely and that loneliness gives rise to restlessness and dissatisfaction. That is why we see so many people having so much money and power and yet living quite a depressed life. It needs some time off from the routine to examine this hollowness. The more we spend time with our inner self the more we feel connected and at peace. However, we have filled our lives with so much garbage that there is hardly any space left for keeping precious things. That is why life has become so meaningless. We keep running after the meanings created by the mind to find that life is more and more meaningless. We choose "control" over "letting go" because we have not yet understood the game of life.
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