Around 6-7 years back, I met Mingyur Rinpoche for the first time and asked him what is the parameters to judge our spiritual progress and he said that we just have to watch our reactions. If we stay calm in the situations where we used to be agitated some time back, then we are on the right track. Else, we need to examine ourselves. We react because we want to control. The more strongly we identify with something or somebody, the more strongly we react over the fear of losing control. We do not react to the news of accidents and deaths in the newspapers but we react very strongly to even the possibility of some illness to the kids. Why do so many beggars on the streets go unnoticed while we keep spending thousands of rupees on wasteful lunches and dinners? But any span asking for OTP creates panic in our minds.
Somebody will ask what is wrong with this. After all, we are responsible towards our families, relatives, friends, and organizations. We take care of their interests and whatever resources are left with, we try to help other members of the society. We don't money to different NGOs who in turn take care of the poor and needy. That is how life has to be. If we do not take care of our kids and families, they will be on the road. After all, we have the primary responsibility towards our family members and that is why everybody is taking care of his family. Nature has also made us like that and we have a natural love and affection towards our family members.
Yes, there is no doubt that we have a primary responsibility towards our family. We take care of their financial needs and do jobs or business to earn our livelihood. First of all, we will have to examine what our responsibility is towards our kids, family members, and also society in general. Do we want to grow our kids unconcerned with society and happy in their own world? If we are not concerned about society, so will be the kids. Kids learn what they see. We may give them thousands of lessons on moral values, but finally, the human brain is a grand mirroring machine. They learn what they see and that is how they learned to walk and talk. Therefore, if we live a life that is self-centered and confined to our kids and families, they will also naturally live like that. The more we grow narrow, the stronger our bondages are going to be with our likes and dislikes. The more we react to the situations the more is the likelihood of entering into serious psychological disorders.
This is the reason why worldwide psychological disorders are rapidly increasing. almost one-third of the population of the developed world is undergoing psychological treatment. We have become too narrow. Families have shrunk. First of all, people are not ready to marry. Even if they marry, they do not want to have kids. Even if they have kids, they love to stay in nuclear families. We have defined our existence so narrowly that any and every intrusion into personal space ignites very strong reactions. Our responsibility towards our kids does not end up with providing them monetary support and sending them to the best of the university. Rather, we need to talk to them to understand the meaning of life. We can't do the same, obviously, unless we ourselves give time and attention to understanding the meaning of life.
When we understand how connected we all are, we do not confine ourselves to narrowness. We feel concerned about everybody around us. It does not mean that we start taking somebody's responsibility. Not at all. Everybody has to dig his own well to drink water. Everybody has been blessed with some or other capacity by nature. If we see somebody falling unconscious on the road, we naturally help him. That does not mean that we will carry him in our lap for a lifetime. We are not responsible for anybody else except ourselves. However, as we contemplate the meaning of life and observe reality, we come out of our preconceived notions about life. We see life as it is. We see the falsity of our own insecurities and fears and wish to share the same with others. Not as a responsibility but as a concern. If we fall into a pothole on the road, and see somebody walking on the road, about to fall into the pothole, naturally we will alarm that person. Then it is his responsibility to wake up. If he ignores the alarm, we can't do anything.
As we realize the wideness of life, our reactions drop. We understand how limited our perspective is. Tough situations appear to be opportunities, disasters appear to be breeding grounds for new creation, death appears to be the beginning of a new life, and loss appears to be motivation to start afresh. That brings a natural reduction in reactions. After all, reactions occur due to our inability to foresee what life has for us in the offing. The moment we become aware of our existence as a particle of the dust in this universe, our tendency to control drops. We react less and accept more. We connect to nature and can feel some blurred brightness. As we move further on the path, more and more dots get connected. Things start making more sense to us. We develop concern for everybody around us and yet realize that everybody will have to be responsible for themselves. We do not want to make our kids or anybody else dependent on us and wish that everybody around listens to the silent music of life coming from somewhere deep within. We realize the futility of fixation on falsity. Rather than becoming just a tool to satisfy the vulgar demands of the kids and relatives that make them weaker from within, we feel concerned and try to help them establish that deep inner connection that can help them enjoy the sweetness of life without having to taste the bitterness of reactions.
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