Emotional Trigger

All of us would have faced situations in our lives when we get triggered. Some get triggered by abuse, some by honking, some by physical pain, some by separation in marriage or breaking of a relationship, some by loss of a family member, some by loss of money, some by loss of prestige, some by insult, some by difficult relationships, and so on. Once triggered, we have a foul mood and generally feel unhappy and react in different ways. Some become depressive and isolate themselves from society and friends, some start taking alcohol or some other drugs, some go on pills, and some become aggressive and start abusing others, shouting at others, or even becoming physically violent. There are different ways of self-defense and we adopt one or the other way to defend ourselves when we feel an emotional threat.

Why is it so that different people get triggered by different things? Probably it is because we all define life in a very unique way. We are born and brought up in quite diverse situations and come into contact with quite different people and situations. For example, if somebody had to pass through a war-like situation, his mental universe would be quite different than a person who has never seen war in his life. Similarly, if some person lost somebody quite near and dear, his universe of life may be quite different as compared to a person who has not experienced such a loss. Our minds are meaning-making machines that make meanings of life depending upon the experience we go through. However, different people undergoing similar experiences would not have the same meaning of life. For example, in case of the death of the father or mother, all the siblings will not have the same meaning. 

That is where the second factor plays a more important role. What is the meaning that we make out of life situations depends upon our understanding of life. Some understand life at a very shallow level and for them, life is all about fun and pleasure. If such a person has never seen difficulties in his life, whenever he faces difficulties for the first time in his life, that may be a life-shattering experience for him. Many of the kids born with a silver spoon get triggered by not getting even the food of their choice for a day. I heard of a case where a kid committed suicide because the parents asked him not to post certain photos on social media. Some people, when faced with difficulties in life either due to the loss of their parents, or any financial crisis make the meaning of life around money and power. They spend their entire life earning more and more money and power. They get triggered by any situation that has the potential to cause the loss of their money or powers.  

Most of us naturally define the meaning of life around relationships and health. We started living in societies quite long back and therefore dependency on society and relationships is quite hardwired in all of us. That is the reason why the loss of any close relationship generally results in an emotional trigger. Similarly, when we have any physical illness giving us chronic pain, we get emotionally triggered because we are hardwired to our bodies as well. 

Probably it all depends as to how narrowly we define life and how tightly we hold on to that. Some people are smart enough to define their life in the widest of the possibilities. They keep themselves busy with so many things that trouble at one or the other place really does not matter much. However, even if we define our lives in terms of widest of the possibilities, yet we will hold some of them more tightly. For example, almost all of us hold on to our bodies quite tightly and even if we have myriad pursuits in life, the moment it comes to any life-threatening disease, we all get emotionally triggered. Similarly, close relatives such as parents and kids are quite tightly held by almost everybody, and the loss of any of these generally results in an emotional trigger. 

Emotional triggers are like the alternative pathways within the brain. These are the short circuits. Once we develop these neural pathways, any new information or sensory input that resembles the earlier trauma triggers the entire pathway again. It's like a little crack in the wall of the dam due to excess water during heavy rain. Once that crack is created, it does not require a heavy flow of water, rather water starts flowing through the crack even in normal situations and the crack starts getting wider and wider. That is how emotional triggers work. Once we get triggered due to the loss of a relative, or some chronic pain, the next time our panic button gets pressed faster. Every time we press the panic button and start reacting, the next time the threshold is lower. 

It's quite difficult to repair the crack of a dam that is filled with water. We need to ask a question. Why do we get clingy and hold on to life like a dam? Why can't life flow like a river? We want to hold on to life because we don't understand the true meaning of life and never make an effort to understand the same. Different rivers just facilitate the flow of water and water does not belong to any river. It is the same water that passes through Bhagirathi, later passes through the Ganga, and finally enters the ocean and then again comes back to the mainland in the form of clouds and forms glaciers. Life also flows through different bodies and nobody can hold on to life perpetually. So long as life flows through a particular body, it may make the most of it by using life to explore infinite possibilities. The more we try to hold on by building dams, the more are we making ourselves vulnerable to the cracks. We have many saints like Ramana Maharishi who have been able to let the water flow even in the most difficult situations when surgery is being performed on them without anesthesia. We also have people who will get emotionally triggered with just an appointment for the vaccination. It all depends therefore on the depth of our connection to reality. A disconnected mind tries to build bigger and wider dams and live under the huge burden of "holding on" and even if they try to construct the strongest of walls, every dam has an expiry date. Moreover, they miss the entire joy of life because the joy of life is in flowing like a river.