Looking at the kites, flying freely into the sky makes me envious of them. Human beings have developed societies for better survival and more comforts and pleasures, however, over time, human beings have become a slave of their own creation. It is difficult for human beings to even think of existence in defiance of the rules set by the society, they live in. But, a natural question arises as to why do we need to defy the rules of society?
Human beings are fundamentally free. That is the reason why infants and kids, till the time their brain is conditioned with social conditioning, are free souls. They like to explore whatever they like even if such an exploration is strictly prohibited by the parents. Infants like to jump off the bed, touch the fire, move out of their homes, and play with animals, unconcerned about their safety. Kids in their early childhood ask so many uncomfortable questions from their parents. Kids are generally not very conscious while making new friends because they want to explore the thought processes of different people. Kids are not afraid to ask uncomfortable questions about God and condemn even God if they feel that certain actions of God defy logic.
However, as we grow old, we realize that we need certain things to survive. The first thing we need is food, clothes, and shelter, which are provided by the parents. That's why it becomes essential for kids to get validation from their parents. Some parents are quite autocratic and show displeasure with their kids unless the kids obey their commands. In such situations, kids learn to obey their parents' commands without challenging them to turn into "Mama's baby or Daddy's baby" or they learn to pretend to make their parents believe that they obey their commands while in reality, they defy such commands and thus assert their freedom surreptitiously to turn into "Dual personalities" behaving differently in the presence and absence of their parents. Either way, it is a part of the child's survival strategy.
"Mama's baby or Daddy's baby" become dependent on their parents for their survival and let go of their freedom to get the approval of their parents. As they grow older, they learn that they need the approval of their employers, organizations, societies, and friends to survive. They sell their freedom for the safety and comfort provided by the organizations and communities since they have forgotten the taste of freedom by the time they grow as an adult and therefore remain a part of the herd for almost the whole of their lives. They keep following the rules set by the organizations and communities and take pleasure in smooth comfortable survival. Since such people never taste true freedom, they sell it so cheaply. Parents are the biggest culprit behind such short-selling because they never allow freedom to these kids and therefore they never get to understand the value of freedom.
"Dual personalities" turn into manipulators as they grow old. they learn to pretend to get the approval of their friends, communities, and organizations. They have learned since their childhood that pretensions help us survive. They have learned to pretend so that they need not pay the price to exercise their freedom. They want the best of the two worlds i.e. freedom as well as safety and comforts offered by society. However, as they grow older, there are generally two possibilities. First: the conflicts between social norms and individual freedom become sharper and it becomes more and more difficult to pretend. Moreover, people become aware of their pretensions and they lose trust over a period of time. Since they have become used to security and comfort, it is not possible for them to let go of their safety and comfort, slowly they too start becoming "part of the herd" and the freedom is lost forever. Second: which is in fact a more likely scenario, the entire concept of freedom undergoes a change for these people. Instincts and emotions have a mastery in creating the illusion of freedom like the demons. Duryodhana made Karana feel free while knowing very well that Karana would go to any extent to repay his debt. Similarly, most such people create an illusion of freedom while following society's dictates in the background. They feel that they are free to choose a career, while in the background the preference for a fat pay package, which is a result of social conditioning, is driving the free choice. They feel that they are freely exercising the choices of their life partners, while in the background the biases towards caste, religion, race, and color are driving the decisions. Thus, freedom is like the freedom exercised by a caged bird not to fly. Their instincts, emotions, and biases keep them caged, creating an illusion of freedom within the cage.
Some of the parents believe in "spoon feeding" their kids and they are very sensitive to the demands of their kids. They would be ready to spend money, work hard, sacrifice, and do whatever it takes to fulfill the demands of their kids. Apparently, such parenting looks quite supportive of the freedom of the kids. It appears that such kids will grow free and will not become part of the herd. However, in practice, such parents just start dancing to the tunes of their children's instincts. Since such kids have not developed the wisdom to discriminate between the force of their instincts and the freedom to explore, they often mistake obeying the commands of instincts as the freedom to explore. They learn to manipulate their parents in the beginning and that is how their parents and the entire family just keep dancing to the tunes of their instincts for the whole of their lives.
Some parents believe in "Authoritative parenting" which is a combination of freedom and authority. Such parents allow freedom to the kids within a limited domain and when the kids try to cross the boundaries, they intervene to correct their path. This is because of the reason that these parents understand that kids have not developed the wisdom to discriminate between the control of instincts and emotions, and the freedom to explore. However, they do not sit in the seat of judgment and allow the kids to make mistakes and learn from the mistakes. They are just like Krishna who decided not to fight the battle of Kurukshetra and became the charioteer of Arjuna, taking the chariot to the place of choice of Arjuna. However, whenever Arjuna is in any conflict or seems to be driven by his instincts or emotions, He clears all his doubts by giving him discourse of Geeta.
It appears to me that parenting has a great role in making us free or slave. Parents who are slaves of their own desires, and use their kids as tools to fulfill their desires, are autocratic parents who never allow their kids to develop a taste for freedom and the kids sell their freedom very cheaply at a very early age to become "Mama's baby or Daddy's baby". In some cases, the kids rebel against autocratic parenting and become "dual personalities" pretending to comply with the norms of society, while in their hearts rebelling against the social norms. However, most of these kids too end up selling their freedom for social validation, and some of them, due to lack of wisdom, end up getting trapped in the illusion of freedom created by their instincts, emotions, and biases. Some parents "Spoon-feed" their kids since in most cases they have been deprived of love and care in their childhood or have faced tough situations. The entire family keeps dancing to the tunes of the instincts of such kids since the kids are given absolute freedom much before they acquire the wisdom to discriminate between the drive of instincts and true freedom. "Authoritative parents" know the fine balance between freedom and the illusion of freedom created by their instincts and keep guiding their kids the way Krishna guided Arjuna while allowing him complete freedom to fight the battle of Kurukshetra and helping him as his charioteer. We may feel free to make choices while we remain under the grip of instincts, emotions, and biases like feeling free to walk while being on Earth, but that can never be equated to the freedom to fly and the parents play an important role by not imposing their own instincts, emotions, and biases on the kids.
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