Bollywood has made the phrase "I love you" quite famous. In fact, there is a song from the movie of Amitabh Bachan wherein he tells different ways this phrase is pronounced in different languages. Generally, in Bollywood movies, there are male and female characters, who fall in love with each other and face resistance from society, circumstances, family members, or financial conditions. They fight against all the odds for love and finally win the battle. Generally, love is portrayed as taking care of each other. In fact, the hero fights against the villain to get his love. Probably, we need to analyze whether this is love or possession and what is the dividing line between love and possession.
I feel that the crucial factor to decide is what is at the core of these actions. Whether there is a desire to possess the beloved because one feels that beloved will bring certain joys in one's life or there is true love with the beloved. If there is true love, the beloved will always come first and the self will always come last. What will matter is the well-being of the beloved whether one is with the beloved or away from her. On the other hand, in the case of possession, what matters most is the pleasure that the beloved gives to one. A true lover can never have ill will for the beloved whatever the circumstances. Even if the beloved decides to leave the lover, there will never be an ill will for the beloved. That is what true love is, to the best of my understanding.
The love of Gopis was not dependent on whether Krishna decided to stay back on Gokul or decides to go to Mathura. The love of Arjuna is not dependent on whether Krishna supports him in the battle of Kurukshetra or not. Even if Krishna decides to give his entire army to Kauravas, Arjuna has absolute love with Him. True love is unconditional without calculations. True love takes place when two souls talk to each other. It's far beyond the union of bodies and emotions. It's not restricted to intellectual communion. It's definitely far beyond that. True love has the capacity to merge two individual "I" into one "whole". That is why the phrase "I love you" looks so funny. When "I" and "you" both exist, where is the question of love? At best there may be some give and take in such relationships. Some of these give and take are tangible and most intangible. Emotional support, social validation, feeling of safety, psychological support, and many more are intangible considerations that are exchanged in the trade of possession in the name of love. In true love, there is no expectation of any such consideration though most of these things happen naturally.
Similarly, we see many acts of helping others. Many people start NGOs wherein they try to help others. In societies, we see many people helping others. We also see siblings helping each other. All such help is not an act of compassion. Behind most of these acts, there is a subtle give and take going on. Some of the considerations in this give-and-take are tangible while most are intangible. For example, one helps another financially, and the other recognizes and respects the first as generous and praises the giver before others. That helps the giver feel that he is doing something great and living a meaningful life. Is that an act of compassion?
I feel that both compassion and love are very different feelings that originate from our souls. One can not love or have compassion so long as one is fixated on one's body and mind. Till that time, one's ego will always be the center of one's existence. That ego may be anchored in money or power. In that case, such a person will help others or like others for the sake of some material benefits of expectations. The ego may also be anchored in intangibles like a desire for name, fame, or heaven or spiritual experiences. In such cases, the act of so-called love or compassion will be to achieve all these things.
So long as the ego is the center of a person's existence, one can never love truly. Till that time, his actions will always be guided by his desires. In such cases, even if certain actions are focused on helping others or take place due to liking another person, the center of all such actions will always be the ego. The ego may be anchored in any tangible or intangible desire, that's just a matter of fact. It has no significance. A person helping another for likes on Facebook, or a good rating of NGO, getting a political benefit, "being treated" as a good person, or "becoming" a good person are all just different shades of egocentric activities and have no relation with true love or compassion. True love and compassion have no expectations. When one is connected to the divine within, he just loves and has compassion for different manifestations of the divine in different beings.
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