We come across many people who have almost everything in life, have earned a lot of money, are in very high positions, and have a "trophy" family. Yet, their personality is so difficult to bear. They make the atmosphere quite stressful, and people avoid interacting with them. On the other hand, some people have very few achievements and trophies recognised by the world, yet have such a pleasant personality that we can talk to them for hours effortlessly. I am sure that all of us come across people of both types. What brings such a huge difference in the personalities?
So far as my understanding goes, "achievement" and "contentment" are two very different things. "Achievements" do not necessarily bring "contentment". In fact, mostly, "achievements" make us quite discontented? It seems quite counterintuitive. After all, we set targets because we seek happiness and believe that "achievements" of our targets will make us "happy". Happiness should naturally bring contentment. However, that seems to be the precise reason for the two types of people. The ones who believe that achievement of some "target" will make them happy have made two fundamental assumptions about life. First, they are not happy. Second, happiness is related to the achievement of the targets.
Coming to the first assumption that we are not happy. Is it really so? A child is happy. He is not seeking happiness from anything. He is happy and in that state of happiness he is exploring a new language, walking on his feet, communicating with the parents, emotional manipulation, how to draw attention of the parents, how to get food when he gets hungry, and so many more things almost each moment he lives. When does the second assumption get formed? When does he set the target for achievement for the first time? Probably when he goes to school. He wants to come first in the class because it is being told to him repeatedly by the parents, as well as teachers and colleagues, that coming first in the class will give him joy. He is not aware of examining the truth behind this "widespread belief" and accepts the same without examination. Such unverified beliefs lay the foundation of a life full of pain and discontentment. Coming first in the class, to topping the school, to getting a reputed degree, to getting a well-paid job, to marrying an "ideal" life-partner, to giving birth to the "achiever-kids," to making these kids "trophies" to prove whatever little was left to prove.
At each of these stages, there is a realization of the falsity. Realization that the belief that achievement brings happiness was false. But at every next stage of life, it becomes difficult to accept the truth. Acceptance of truth means acceptance of the fact that a significant portion of the life has been wasted. In their 20s, it may still be acceptable because there are still 50-60 years to rediscover the meaning of life. However, at that age, most youngsters have a very closely knitted friends circle where almost everybody is equally confused. They are so fed up with their dominating parents and the authoritative society that they rebel against that and decide to find their own meaning of life. However, in the process, they make themselves close at times even to reality and the meaning of life. In their 50s and 60s, there is often a realization that "achievements" are quite hollow and the joy brought by these achievements evaporates very soon. However, it is difficult to gather the courage to accept that we have wasted a significant part of our lives. Then such people get frustrated and out of frustration and inner discontent, they become more and more aggressive in their behaviour and become desperate to prove that what they think is right. Their inner hollowness makes them appear quite stupid. However, since they occupy high positions, people often do not confront them, and they presume that as their victory, and their behaviour with their colleagues becomes worse each passing day.
How can we break free of this vicious cycle? By just staying aware of the reality. We just need to examine the truth behind the false assumptions of "achievements" bringing "happiness". Different people and different societies have given priority to different types of achievements such as money, power, positions, comforts, fun, and even some spiritual experiences. Very few people stay aware to realize that all the "seeking" necessarily means that we do not realize that "happiness exists already inside" as it exists in a child, and the harder we run after these "achievements" and the farther we move from the inner happiness. "Happiness" does not require "seeking;" rather, it just requires "dropping" the "false notion of correlation between achievements and happiness". In that state of happiness, we explore. We do not explore to become happy. The more we drop these false mental stories around achievements and happiness, the closer we come to reality, and the more we connect to the inner happiness, the less time we waste in pursuit of happiness, and the more we stay happy and explore this world.
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